Tombaby Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Sorry to vent here. It helps ease the pain. My Shortened story. My GF and i were together for a little over a year. We fell hard and fast. We had a really good relationship. We never fought and disagreements while rare were talked through. She was very lovey. Told me that she's never been so in love and we always talked about our future together. Everything was amazing, we were so lucky to be in love with our best friends (straight from her mouth). We treated each other always with love and respect. In August she met a new "friend". No big deal because we trust each other. She gets a little distant, but nothing too bad. We still talk and see each other constantly. Sex is amazing and we are still very much in love. 10 days later she has a "crush" and I try talking about my feelings. A week later we split up. I actually broke up with her because I was upset that I felt like she was putting this new "friend" above my feelings. She was devastated. Crying, hurt, angry, but we agree that we want to be together, so we are going to keep pushing forward. For the next 3 weeks, we do everything we used to, all the lovey stuff, amazing sex, spend time together. Yes, there are tears and hurt, but little things she does like stop in the middle of the store just to turn around and kiss me, her grabbing my hand and putting it in her lap while driving, etc. I find out around the beginning of Sept that she's been hanging out with this "friend" quite often, too. I confront her and ask her if she wants to be with him. She say no. That he's just a really good friend and they have a lot in common. I know better. I tell her that i won't tell her what she can or can't do, but I'm uncomfortable, and that if she wants him, I can't stay. It leads to a heated discussion (one of our only real disagreements) and at the end she says loves me more than anything, but her heart is too hurt from the breakup to let me back in. She wants to, but can't let herself. I'm devastated because I've been coming over most nights and there is so much love. The way she looks at me, the way she kisses me, the way she lays her head on my chest. She loves me. For the next month, she proceeds to string me along. I let her. I try to go NC, but it's extremely hard. I mess up alot, and even when I don't she will text me or call me. Tell me that she's missing me, or that she wants to hear my voice. That she's trying to find her way back to me. I tell her that if she's seeing someone else she has to stop. This upsets her. She says fine, if I don't want her, she blocks me from everything. I show up on her doorstep because it can't end like that. She literally jumps into my arms and kisses me notebook style. I've never had such a passionate kiss. I carried her to her room... like i said Passion. You'd think this is where we get back together, but the next day she says she can't do it. That I pushed her away again by saying "stop." She is more distant, but still texts or calls. Still tells me all the feelings are there. She still gets jealous. That she misses me. That she loves me just as she always has, but that she doesn't think we will get back together. She asks me to come pick up the ring. I go to get it and it takes literally 10 seconds for her to give me the "I love you" look. She grabs the ring and breaks down. We end up crying, kissing, hugging, holding hands, procrastinating. she again tells me how much she loves and misses me. But they are all just words. At this point, I just know her and him are together. For that hour we were us again. I ended up leaving the ring because it hurt us both too much to take it back. For the next week, she talked and texted me more than she had the previous two. I told her I'm sorry that i should leave her alone. She said that we both know neither one of us will ever be able to do that. And that she didn't want me to. That she was confused and her feelings were jumbled. It was a nice week. I find out on Monday, Oct 5th that the new guy told her he loves her, and she said it back... I send her a congratulation email, she denies it, and says you don't just fall in love after a couple of dates... I tell her that if she's going to be with him, and she loves someone else then i can not be in her life. She gets angry that i know. I tell her that I'll always love her, that i'm hurt that she could move on so quickly, fall so fast and goodbye. She sends me an email stating that she still loves me, no one will ever replace me and she doesn't regret one second of our time, but that she will respect my wishes and not contact me anymore. Since then she has blocked me from everything, and i her. I still have moments of weakness and check her Instagram (I can't see anything), but she updated it to say she has the best family, friends, and man. Life is good... She also has moments of weakness. She will look up my Pinterest and like certain things that pertain to us. If she's so happy, why do that? I don't know if this guy is a rebound, GIGS, or the real deal. I want to say he's not, but deep down I can't help but wonder if he fits her better. I know that i need to move on. I'm trying. I'm getting out there, working out, talking to girls even though I don't want to. I don't want a rebound relationship. Just someone to talk to. I still dwell. It's hard to stop myself from thinking about it. I want her back, but I don't think she's coming back. She had her chance. Maybe the month of stringing me along was her letting go slowly. I just don't understand how she can go from being so in love with me to in love with someone else in less than a month. I think that hurts more than anything. Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 As much as I tend to disagree with DoF on his subject of men and women can't just be friends... I think it applied in this case. But granted, I would be more suspicious of new friends of the opposite sex made while I'm dating someone. If the friends were there before me I don't expect my s/o to ditch his friends. She exhibited all the signs of being attracted to him. Platonic friends aren't put above a relationship like she did. Stay NC, block on on instagram, on facebook, everywhere. It WILL get easier. so sorry. Link to comment
Knot2loud Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Hurt sucks... That's to bad. You sounded like a good couple. Link to comment
rlhuk Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 NC is the only way you can heal. Sorry to hear you're going through so much pain. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I think you can go limited contact. Keep lines of communication open, but live your life. She might come around. It is hard, but you will make it. Focus on you. Link to comment
Tombaby Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Thanks. I know. Sometimes I just get sad and have to post to get it out of my system. We were a great couple. Everyone was like when we broke up. I think timing was an issue. She's 24 and around the same time she met him through mutual friends, my visitation with my 5 year old son started. I know I can't change the past, but maybe had I not broken it off, we'd have worked through the "new friend" issue. Then again maybe she would have cheated. Like I said her "falling in love" so soon while still telling me she loves me is what really hurts. I can't even look at another girl, and she's already in love. Tears your heart out and makes you question if she ever really loved you. Then you get mad at yourself for thinking that. Going to keep up the NC. Link to comment
Tombaby Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 LC was kind of what we were doing the week or two before I found out they said, "I love you." I went NC after. Broke it once to no reply. I was only the second person she's ever told she loved them. And she told me repeatedly that she's never loved anyone as deeply as she loves me. Her actions showed it up until 2 weeks after she met this guy. If she's truly happy, I want to respect her relationship. I know it's dumb, but I probably will still look at her Pinterest from time to time. I know I'm looking for signs and reading into things, so i talk myself down. I see myself rationalizing stuff like "Well, she hasn't changed her profile pic to them like she did to us when we first got together..." and "She's not pinning super lovey stuff on Pinterest like she did when we got together..." I know these are just setting me back. I'm trying to ween myself off doing it but it's really like a drug. haha Link to comment
JustWishing Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Do yourself a favor and don't even look at her pinterest. It just takes longer for you to get over her. So sorry that happened to you. Link to comment
Tombaby Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I know JustWishing. I'm feeding the habit... Trying to learn to stay away from it. Especially bc I know it will hurt when I see the new happy couple posts. I've been through all this before with my divorce several years ago. Time really is the only thint that will help heal. And for some reason venting about it helps ease the pain. Helps me get the feelings out and keeps me thinking more rational. Probably why I'm here. We all KNOW what we SHOULD and NEED to do, but we are weak and looking for miracles. We all think our story is different. We turn to these forums looking for the needle in a haystack success stories when all our friends are tired of hearing about the breakup. I will say the responses on this post have been polite and positive. Thank you for not just telling me I'm dumb and immature. Let go before she sucks the life out of you. Sometimes we may need to hear that because it's more than likely the truth, but we tend to get defensive and dig in more when we hear it that way. I think the, "I'm so sorry. I've been there. Go NC, Do this..." Is much more helpful. Link to comment
Tombaby Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 Just venting. Had a really bad day yesterday. Broke down several times. It's been 2 months since the official split, but really only 3 weeks or so of us not spending time together because of her "stringing me along." I think the bad day was because I was spending time with a mutual friend, and he was talking about her and her new bf. I told him I didn't want to know, but he was "trying to help." Just put me in a bad place. Ended up stalking Pinterest. Didn't help that she was posting stuff like "The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday" and other things. So she had a rough day, too. Won't read too much into it though. She's still doing her thing with the new guy. If she wanted me, she'd come find me. I will get through this. I will be stronger. Today is a new day though. Link to comment
Tombaby Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Ugh. Update. Broke NC. I FAIL. 2 weeks down and something as little as her popping up gets me. I thought I had blocked her on fb. Guess I did, or I may have unblocked her one night drinking. Anyway. Point is, I still couldn't see her, she must have blocked me and I assumed I had her blocked. Yesterday all the sudden her pic pops up on a post I'm commenting on too. ?! Oh crap, I can see her profile. I remain strong and leave it alone. Today I see her commenting on same posts as me. Not intentionally. I couldn't handle it. Brought up feelings, so I went and blocked myself. Couple hours went by and I'm flustered. I look at Pinterest. Sure enough a couple "angry" pins about choosing her own happiness and not allowing others to make her feel bad for it. I fell right into the trap. Didn't want her to think I or my friends were saying anything bad about her. So I message her. I told her that reaching out is prob a bad idea, but I hope she's ok and that she doesn't think I'm talking crap Bc I just want her happy. She responded. We talked a little bit about random things. Her pet died. My son. Her work and promotion. Dumb things we wanted the other to know. She then says, I'm not looking forward to TimeHop this weekend. I agreed since it will start showing the beginning of us... From there it just devolved. Some talk about the past on both sides. She still doesn't admit her BF. Says she isn't angry and that it's hard to see my posts too. She admitted to being happy. I should have stopped there. Kept it light. Well I should have never messaged, but... Ultimately I told her that my feelings are still there even if hers aren't. She said she never said that. Lol. I said i apologize for contacting. That I'm not ready for it Bc of my feelings. That I'm not upset w her for moving on quickly. That I am not waiting for her. That I'm attempting to move on as she has and that she doesn't have to pretend she's not with him for my sake. That I'm happy she's happy and that I will get there too eventually. Next time I will just not say a damn thing. Link to comment
CarolinaKid336 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 She's not worth it, went through the same thing earlier this year. She had a guy friend that she hung out with and when I confronted her she got angry, but a week later admitted to cheating. If someone is in a relationship and the s/o feels uncomfortable about a friend if the opposite sex then they should be able to cut them off no prob. I used to have a fairytale just like you, but if they're not there when you need them then it's only an act. I've been no contact for 4 days now and broken up since the 20th of last month, take my advice don't look at her social media because eventually you'll see something you don't like so block her on everything and delete her number or block that too. If she really loves you she'll see exactly where she messed up without you even telling her. You'll get through man Link to comment
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