bi curious and no what

[scorpion91]

I've been thinking lately and thinking about myself more and realize that I'm bisexual. I had been overlooking that for a while and assumed I was 100% "Straight" and considered having sex with Shawn Johnson(that girl that was the Olympic gymnastics medal winner from the '08 Olympics) as a sexual fantasy alongside having fantasies for having sex with sorority girls. I never had sex, but I lie to people(male friends) that I have had sex with 5-6 girls. I do that, so I can maintain my masculinity or claim masculinity, in order to not show any lack of masculinity. Bascially I say that I have sex with girls, so I don't get the impression from people that I'm gay.

 

I've had 2 close calls for having sex: I've had foreplay with my friend's FWB and my friend in bed. We were clothed and not having sex per se. The other time I had asked my friend TK if he would be down to have a threesome with his FWB girl. We didn't because she declined the offer of having a three some.

 

Alongside me desiring sex with girls, I've had brief moments of sexual feelings alongside platonic feelings with guy friends I've met. I mean certain close male friends I've met through the past 5 years.

Examples:

August 2010-I had a roommate in a hotel during a summer camp that the first college had as some orientation thing. My roommate I'll call AM was a White boy , 18 years old like me at the time, blonde, upper class from Northern VA. He and I talked a bit and got to hang out in between the summer camp sessions. We developed a friendship from there and had hanged out when class started. We drifted apart from there; he rushed a frat and got with that. I saw him again in late Sept '10 and he introduced me to his roommate G. G and AM and I would hang out a bit more somewhat, and get introduced to marijuana and alcohol. AM and I have a following out over some issues. But I felt a closeness somewhat in terms of the first few times we hanged out that he was the first close friend I had in college and being in a hotel room had developed some feelings. And there was some brief sexual tension experiences I had with AM and I: I touched his arm when I was drunk and he was stoned. We were in a sauna and shirtless. I did have maybe a few sexual fantasies about AM at the time, and occasional.

 

Oct 2012-Jan 2013- I met another guy I had a close friendship with. I call him WW. WW was in the same polysci class as me. I had met him one day at the library and saw him studying and started to talk to him. And we talked and began to have a cram session for the test we had the next day. And we developed a friendship. We worked out, studied, ate together, drank together. I was hanging out with WW than with AM. It felt great. WW wanted to leave the college(we went to Texas St) and transfer to Houston. He didn't transfer. We partied a bit when I turned 21, I was able to buy alcohol legally for us. He was 19 then 20. I was 20 then 21. We had a falling out over some issues. I went my way, he went the other way. We met about again, last February and had a few drinks then saw each other a few more times. I got to be more close to a guy with WW.

 

April 2013-May 2014- SS is a guy I was more close physically with. He's White. younger(19-20) and me(21-22). He and I worked out together and didn't party. He didn't really get into party that much and drinks no more than 3 beers and one shot as he told me. I was dealing with issues and problems around this time, but he had listened and was non judgmental on things I did and said. I felt happy and accepted that he cared about me. I got more closer to him physically. I hugged him more than any other guy friend. And I did have some platonic and thinly sexual feelings. I did have sexual tension with SS: I said when I was drunk that he and I have an orgy in my room; I was shirtless and he hugged me. But I was more closer to him than AM and WW physically I mean.

 

Aug 2014-Present TK is a friend I met. He's younger(18, now 19). He's White, blonde/grey hair, middle class, youngish/boyish looking. He and I met through a student org we were in that dealt with personal issues. We had related to that and connect through there. And he and I developed a friendship that's strong despite our problems and shortcomings we have. He has PTSD over some issues in his past. I have anxiety and personality issues. The age gap doesn't mean nothing to us. I've more closer to TK than any other close male friend. I've hugged him more, I've hugged longer than any other male friend, I've brushed his hair. I've said "Love You" to him, and he's done the same to me. He did admit he had a bi curious phase in high school and I admitted to him of being bi curious in my undergrad. So maybe he does have some bi curious feelings still despite being with girls sexually. I have a bit more sexual feelings towards TK then any other close male friend from the past 5 years, though, I still like girls. I'm confused on that.

 

Now that I've admitted that I'm bi curious, I'm unsure where to go from here. Because I would like to experiment and play the field I mean. I know my preference for guys as I mentioned here: youngish, boyish, preppy or middle class, blonde, White, 18-21. I tried CL for looking for a hook up, but it's too tainted with spammers and guys way too older for me. I don't want older guys, I like guys younger than me. I want to find an outlet where I can find bi curious guys, but discrete. I thought about going to the LGBTQ group I saw, but I'm afraid of being outed. I think I have feelings for certain close male friends, because I had been close to some guy friends and it felt good for me(emotionally and some times sexual). I just want to be with a guy or girl that loves me and cares about me. If I experiment with a guy, I just want to make it platonic with some sex. I mean platonic/bromance/FWB in one way.It's hard to say, because people would assume that I'm gay. I'm not gay per se, I'm bi curious.

[toby17]

I've been thinking lately and thinking about myself more and realize that I'm bisexual.

...

I never had sex, but I lie to people (male friends) that I have had sex with 5-6 girls. I do that, so I can maintain my masculinity or claim masculinity, in order to not show any lack of masculinity. Bascially I say that I have sex with girls, so I don't get the impression from people that I'm gay.

...

Now that I've admitted that I'm bi curious, I'm unsure where to go from here. Because I would like to experiment and play the field I mean.

...

I'm not gay per se, I'm bi curious.

 

(1) Get over the internalised homophobia. No one cares whether your gay or bi or bicurious except you - it's just a label. Get over it.

 

(2) Just pursue people you're interested in and stop worrying about their gender. But do not pursue your straight male friends - pursue straight girls, bisexuals or gay men.