Dreams vs. Reality

[amika98]

When I've thought about the one I'd one day marry; I dreamt we could talk about anything, deep things, secrets, emotions, hopes, I dreamt he'd tell me I'm the woman of my dreams and that I'm beautiful and he loves me so much. I dreamt I'd truly have someone who made me feel special and proud of how far I've come in life.

If I stay with the guy I'm with, I will not feel/have those things. I will have more of a pragmatic partner in life. Someone who isn't on the same page as me emotionally, can't fully understand me and as far as I can tell, doesn't have much of an emotional life. But he loves me and I love him; we have all the other boxes checked so to speak but I will have to prompt him for any compliments, gifts, etc. and I will have to be the one putting in the "relationship work" because it just isn't in him. It took me an exceedingly long time to find a decent guy like him, but if I stay, it means I have to throw away what I dreamt/expected.

 

Now, is that pretty normal? To find that you need to make a compromise in those areas? Or as much as I love this man, it's still not enough...and I need to keep searching?

 

My guy is the masculine man...few emotions, hunt, fish, manly, super uncomplicated man. this is just who he is, and asking him to change makes me feel cruel...because I've tried, and it's obvious the things I've dreamt of aren't within his personality.

 

Thoughts? I love him, and I know that staying and one day marrying him would mean I need to completely love and accept him for who he is, not moan about what he's not...he doesn't deserve that.

 

I just don't know if I should let go, or stay and just be grateful I have him. I don't know the reality of finding someone marriage-worthy. Were my dreams too much to expect?

[mhowe]

How old are you? How long have you dated him? Have you ever been in another relationship?

[amika98]

I'm 30, we've dated for 2.5 years, lived together for 1. I've been in several relationships in the past, my college years...mostly dysfunctional though due to alcohol, depression, etc. This is my first long term relationship with marriage potential that's lasted, I don't drink now and have the depression under control...been very stable for the past 4 years or so ...I live a pretty normal, healthy life now.

[mhowe]

Deep meaningful conversations, being cherished and adored....I suppose that it could happen. But not with the guy you have. He is who he is...and if that doesn't float your boat, then only you can decide if you want to give up your vision.

 

Relationships are about love, respect, compassion and compromise. Do you know if you are the embodiment of his ideal relationship?

[amika98]

Yes, I think it is up to me to decide too...which is very tough. I talked to him last night if there was anything he was unhappy about in the relationship or if he didn't think I was someone he wanted to marry, and he pretty much said he was fine and didn't have any issues. I honestly doubt he's ever put in any thought about what he wants in a relationship/soulmate...other than someone to let him go fish and hunt...like if he has faithful companionship and freedom to do his hobbies, that's all he cares about...the end. Lol

[mhowe]

There is nothing wrong with his expectations. They just aren't yours. Perhaps it is time to move on.

[Soinlove1]

Deep meaningful conversations, being cherished and adored....I suppose that it could happen. But not with the guy you have. He is who he is...and if that doesn't float your boat, then only you can decide if you want to give up your vision.

 

Relationships are about love, respect, compassion and compromise. Do you know if you are the embodiment of his ideal relationship?

 

mhowe is right. But you have to think can I really be without this person in my life.

Imagine what it would be like if this person you love was no longer in your life tomorrow.

Could you really cope with that? Is your feelings on this really worth being without this Person.

PLEASE DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.

3 months on and I'm dying inside.