Husband almost cheated, I need help

[MissEm0918]

Hi all, Im a 26 year old. I got married 6 months ago to a man I met online. We've had a good marriage until early this week.

 

I logged onto his yahoo chat (I know this is wrong) pretending I was him. (He's addicted to the internet and I had a feeling something was up)

This girl he used to date came on and said she will wait for his call to come over so she could give him a back massage, I eventually told her I was his wife and not him, I called him and told him what I knew.

He said he would talk to me about it at home. When he got there he acted as if nothing was wrong, until I started asking him why. He said he never planned to go and he only told her so she would stop asking him to come over, I do not believe this, I want to but I dont. He says it is my fault and I've caused my own pain.

My husband has been married two other times, he doesnt have the greates track record. According to this woman, she said he loves me, he always told her that, he told her we were trying to have a baby (which we are) So I dont know, I love him and I really want this to work.

He promised he would no longer talk to x-girlfriends on the internet, Im sure he'll stop now but not in the future.

 

I need some advice - PLEASE

[marijo2480]

I am typically pretty tough to things like this but being that you both are newlyweds and this ex-girl of his knew of you at least, I won't immediately say to divorce him and let him go. Technically, he didn't cheat. But he did mess with your emotions and you really aren't certain if this was the first time she requested to see him....much less if he's seen her or some other ex since you two have been married.

 

He should know, after failing in two other marriages, that couples need to have a good relationship/communication. That's the only way to build a good foundation. Why is he responding to the ex even? I don't know. Why couldn't he block her from emailing him? Why didn't he tell you that she was contacting him? Those are questions that you should be asking him. You have every right to know.

 

With the ex, you should've asked her why she wanted to give your husband a massage when she knew damn well that he has a wife back home. You can't trust people now-a-days and you really can't trust the ex. She's probably bitter and wouldn't care if your marriage worked or didn't work. I think the step to take now is question him. See what happens from there.

 

Sorry that I don't have an A+ answer! I wish you luck!

[11flower]

This would really hurt because it sounds that a trust had been broken. I know you want this to work out with your new husband. But to be very straightforward about this, there is a reason he has had 2 failed marriages before yours; there is a reason he was even contacting a past girlfriend on the internet when he could be nurturing the relationship/new marriage he has with you; there's a reason he seems to act as if nothing is wrong and not acknowledge your position or feelings (unless I'm mistaken here about that).

 

I am sorry, but if I were you, I would take this as a heads-up about the nature of your husband. If you know enough about his past and habits and tendencies, you may be able to somewhat predict the outcome of your relationship.

 

Many times, people cheat on their spouses because there is something unfulfilled inside that was there even before they got married..a wounding of some sort.

 

This is very sad. As much as I'd like to hear that he has been totally honest with you and everything will be ok, I have a sense that he may continue this behavior and you may be the one who ends up getting hurt.

I know it's hard to hear, maybe, my saying it like this, but in my opinion, the handwriting may clearly be on the wall and I urge you to keep this in mind.

 

I'd also get other professional advice, if you can do this.

 

Sorry this is happening to you,

 

11Flower

[cleverme123]

See your private messages, this sounds way too much like my situation and I would like to learn a bit more about yours.

[Jimbo10]

Well, I don't know about cheating husbands or anything, and I don't know the situation, but I've got something to say, more, a favour actually.

 

Please, put the baby off until things are perfect. It's not fair to the child. While, yes, single parents can do a great job and raise a great child, who could argue that it is not the IDEAL situation.

 

 

I hope everything works out well for you!

 

Good luck

Jimbo