reconnected with friend

[scorpion91]

I had mentioned previously a few weeks back about my close friend T . He and I hadn't interacted in over 2 months, but last night we chilled. T, me, and his best female friend J had met up last night. We had a few swigs of some liquor and talked for a bit and caught up.

 

T had been busy the 1 1/2 months with working at his bro-in-law's job site and with his summer classes(he's trying to redo some classes he failed last year). I wasn't aware of his "schedule" per se, and I was clueless on when he was free or not. I had been trying to chill with him since May, and I texted a guy that lives around T's area I'll call G. G had somewhat instigated some bs that T was ticked off for something, and was busy. First of all, if T was pissed at me, he could've been a man and texted me directly. And for a while, I thought G and T were "Bros" as how G had presented it around his friend. But from judging from hanging out with T last night, I don't think T and G are "bros." T had agreed with the same things I don't really like about G .

 

T had chilled with my other friend R a while back, and I wasn't unaware of that. R is a friend I mentioned previously that's enlisting the USAF. Whenever I'm free or whenever, I would reach out to T to see if he was free but he wasn't I had assumed. I just "learn" after the fact when I chill with at certain things: "I chilled with R,"; "Me and J went up north to the Hill country and we toked all day." I'm not jealous or anything, and I didn't hold that bs towards T and said, "Hey man , I reached out to you since May X and you haven't replied back." Then again R has dealt with similar issues with T being lazy to respond to contact(text or cell) so I'm in good company.

T and I are good friends, but I think communication is some problem in our friendship. We've dealt with some bs the past couple of months, but we've worked it out. Let me clear this up, I don't "like" or obsess over T every day in some romantic way; I consider T like a brother I never had.

 

Maybe it's some communication issue me and T have. I don't know if any dudes or girls here have had similar issues with your friends, and could pass a tip my way.

[alli]

Sometimes friendships just sort of fade. People get busy with their daily lives. Or each person's life changes and their lifestyles no longer match. It sounds like he's been pretty busy with working & taking classes this summer but I'm surprised that he wouldn't just tell you that when you reached out. And it is also a bit surprising that he would make the time for his other friends but not for you. It sounds like you reached out to G about why T has been incognito and he relayed the message to T, making T upset?

 

I guess you can continue to reach out to him every once in a while & see if he's up for getting together. When you do contact him, maybe mention specifically a day & activity you are planning on doing something & invite him. Like "hey T, I'm getting toked & playing Grand Theft Auto at my place on Saturday if you want to stop by". (by the way I had to Google what "toked" meant & I have no idea if Grand Theft Auto is still a thing). But if he continues to be unresponsive, I'm not sure there's much more you can do. Being the only person trying to hold a friendship together gets exhausting and sometimes it's just not worth it to keep trying.

[scorpion91]

@alli.

 

I don't think T was actually upset per se. I think G has insinuated/instigated that to assume that T was ticked/poffd at me or something, to stop asking about him. I had only asked G if T was free to chill, because G and T live in the same neighborhood. The past 2 times I had hanged out with G, he talked and assume that T was his "Bro" just because they "hang out" G had been talking to his friend and assumed that.

 

Hanging out with T on Saturday night, I didn't get the impression that G was a friend per se.

 

I didn't want to sound confrontational to T on Saturday night. T was with his female best friend and I didn't want to come off an A-hole and say, "Hey bro, We haven't hanged out since May 10. Did you ignore me or something?" That's sound terrible.

 

I think T's personality is just he's slow to ignore. I'm not the only person he has done that to. My friend R has dealt with that as well. I think it's specific timing and communication that are just some faults we have. T doesn't have any issues with me, because why he invite me to hang out on Saturday night, even though he spent most of the day out of town but still wanted to hang out.

 

T's personality is just doing things at spur of the moment, doesn't have a specific schedule per se. I thought he had ignored me or something, but I don't think it was his true intention. I think we just need to communicate better. I don't want to sit down and talk like we are on Dr. Phil and all that, but we just mutually agree to communicate better.