Which Choice Should I Make?

[Tombo123]

I'm sure there are people out there that have fallen in love while attending college, or even with someone at college.. Well this is my story, and I have two choices: Pursue, or give-up. Please read.

 

I have been attending college since late September 2004, and I'm currently studying Performing Arts (Acting/Singing/Dance). From then onwards, I have been getting to know the students and staff I am working with, but there is one that has stood out called Nicola.

 

We have worked together both practically and theoretically, and have been good friends with no down-falls. By my experience, she is beautiful both inside and outside. Not to any surprises, she is going out with someone called Jon. They have been going out with each other for just over a year now, but there is one other thought that concerns me - Nicola has moved in with Jon and his twin brother only within the first year, and one of my friends told me that it isn't a good move to make, because you see TOO much of each other.

 

Nicola is 18 years of age, and I think Jon's 20 or something, so the brother would be the same age. She tells me sometimes that Jon sometimes ignores her, like he plays computer games when she comes back from work or from college, and she gets a little uptight. I think generally that their relationship is going pretty well.

 

I sit back and wonder - will I ever be with her? I have some thoughts that we will, and some thoughts that we won't. If she was to ever read this, then I wouldn't know how she would feel.. I feel it would be the wrong move to tell her how much I like her, and in this situation, I strongly agree with this. Some friends of mine know that I like her, and they've been good to me; not telling Nicola how I feel. Both boys and girls know, but to me that doesn't change anything.

 

As I've said before: There are plenty of fish in the sea, but if I see the most beautiful fish, I want to catch it. Now is that time, but this fish has a partner, so I don't want to break that bond.

 

So what should I do?

Please reply, and a great thanks to those who do.

[Thyr]

Well your situation is a difficult one. You are in love with the one you cannot have and she's part of your life as a friend. Some call this feeling a sweet agony but since I never felt it I can't tell. I had a crush or two during college with beautiful intelligent girls but the feeling went away as soon as I realized that there was no hope for me to be part of their life as more than a friend.

 

Here's my take on your situation. You will look bad if ever you try to steal her from her boyfriend, pushing her away from you while doing so. I think the wisest thing to do is to keep the things as they are. Keep her as a friend in your life. Telling her your feelings for her now would be a mistake as it will probably scare her away. Wait for her to be free before declaring yourself for her, if along the way you find someone in your life that is free and the way you want your girlfriend to be then you will see from there. Maybe your friend stand out of the crowd for now, but maybe you will find someone that will shine like the sun in comparison to her.

 

Be carefull of what you want, it might actually happen to you.

[Fif Angel]

If I were you, I would try to put this girl to the back of your mind.

 

She sounds like she`s in a pretty loving, stable relationship and I don`t think that a few arguments over computer games and whatnot is suddenly going to change all that.

 

Why does it concern you that she has moved in with her boyfriend? A year is not really that short a length of time to get to know someone, I have known quite a few couples who have moved in with each other after a year. In fact it illustrates that this girl is reasonably committed to her boyfriend and probably won`t be breaking up with him anytime soon.

 

Being honest, and I hope you`ll forgive me, it sounds like you are clutching at straws here and looking for anything that may be a sign of unhappiness in this relationship, in order to give yourself a reason for asking her out or to keep hanging yourself hanging on.

 

I know it`s hard, I`ve been there, when I was about a year younger than you I had a massive crush on a guy at my school who had a girlfriend. I would interpret anything as a sign that they weren`t happy, that he secretly fancied me etc.

 

But guess what? Two years later they were still together going stong.

Ultimately you have no idea how long this relationshp is going to last. She could easily be with this guy for another two or three years. How long are you actually prepared to wait?

 

Besides, even if they do split up for whatever reason, it is no guarantee that she will want to go out with you instead.

 

I would really try and let this girl go. There`s honestly not much you can do except sit around hoping they break up, and that is really a waste of your time.

 

As you yourself say, there are plenty more fish out there so I would recommend dating other girls, if only to try and take your mind off Nicola.

 

I mean this advice in the nicest possible sense But I know from experience that these crushes tend to be futile.

[Tombo123]

I suppose the best option is just to be friends with her?

[WhiteIcE]

I would have to agree with the past comments. It's never a good idea to ruin someone's relationship. Even if you are told, or think the relationship is crappy, that dosn't give you the right to not let them fix it.

 

She may like you too, but you have to understand, even when you're dating or even married, you will always come accross someone you are physically and mentally attracted to, but you have to remind yourself of what you have, and not persue. This may be her case.

 

Just stay friends with her, and focus on being there for her. Don't focus on being with her in the future, you'll end up getting too involved.

[marijo2480]

I agree with everyone's comments. The only other thing that I would add is for you to put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes. He's trusting his girlfriend enough with her having you as a friend. (I'm assuming here that he does know about you.) If your girlfriend's friend started liking her, how would you feel? Another situation to think about is let's just say she does leave him and goes for you....will you ever trust her around other men? Won't you be worried that a guy better than you might sweep her off her feet just like you did when you met? Think about it.

 

Continue to be her friend if that's what you want, but if your feelings are developing into a love interest, I would slowly back off.

[Yorkrose23]

Two words: walk away. You are wishing for something that to be quite frank, does not sound like it will ever happen(not anytime soon anyway).

Sorry if that seems harsh, but IMHO, that is the reality you are faced with here. A year usually is a good time for people to move in together, and usually moving in together only solidifies a bf/gf bond. Yes, there will be problems, but one thing you can be certain of is that usually people who move in together are serious about each other or at least thinking about being serious w/each other. And generally, they are not looking for anyone else. My best advice: walk away. It sounds like this other guy makes her happy. Sitting around and wishing will not break that.

Find an unattached girl. Good luck!

[cooldude1234]

I agree with all the previous posters.

 

Having been in your shoes, I know how you feel. It's a crappy feeling and it seriously will not get better unless one of two things happen:

 

1: You stop being friends with her, or distance yourself from her in general.

-or-

2: You find someone else you are interested in and eventually you won't be so attracted to her. Then a friendship may be possible(was for me.)

 

Try to not talk to her for a few days and the feelings will begin to fade. However, it will all come back when you see her again...

 

She seems devoted to this guy and breaking that would be wrong. Even if she did leave him for you or cheat, chances are she'd do the same to you.

 

-CD1234

[Tombo123]

Thanks to all that have posted their thoughts here.. cooldude1234, that has to be true. She might just be that kind of person, and I did have that feeling while thinking through. I have seen another girl called Kelly and she's single. She likes me as a friend, but maybe that could go further.

Thanks everyone!