Odd issue: Personals

[mtastic]

Ok, this is kind of an odd situation.

 

For about the last 10 months to year I've been using internet personals as a way of meeting people. Its worked to a degree, I've met a few girls, been on a couple dates, and even had my first actual (albeit brief) relationship. Anyway, about mid-december I stumbled upon an add which immediately caught my eye: first off, by their matching system it rated as more compatible than any other i've seen (not that I put alot of stock in their system, but at least its an indicator), also just based on description, interests, personal data she seemed very intriguing. So naturally I sent her a short email expressing my interest. I didn't hear back. Now, thats not anything new, she's not the first person to not respond to a message. The problerm i have is that it appears she has not been on the site since a day or two before i sent the message, meaning she probobly hasn't seen it. I know this because link removed (the site in question) keeps track of how long its been since a person was active on the site, and occasional checks of her profile over the christmas break showed that amount of time only increase, denoting her inactivity on the site. Now, at first, as an alternate method to contact her, I put her profile name on my Im buddylist, as its a fairly common practice for people to use Im screenames as profile names, to give people who don't pay for the personals service an option to contact them. Well, that screename didn't generate anything either, so I decided to leave it alone and just move on, thinking maybe one day she may log back on, but if she doesn't its no big deal.

 

Fast forward to this evening. I get home from school and sit down in front of my computer and notice that her screenname is now online (evidently I had forgotten to take it off my buddylist). I checked the AIM profile and although there wasn't much on it, I think it might be her (there was a mention of the school she goes to which corroborated with the match profile.

 

Now, don't worry, I didn't IM the screename at all (it happened to be away most of the evening anyway), and i don't plan to anytime soon. Out of curiosity i went back to match and checked her profile, which is still showing the maximum "active over 3 weeks ago" which indicates she still hasn't been on. At the moment i'm just waiting to see what happens, perhaps she was just unable to get online over the past month and a half, maybe she'll check, whatever. Its just weird, i know that if I IM her it might not turn out well, as it basically is stalking to a degree, but at the same time it feels like i have this method of cantacting her, and i'm kind of wasting my chance if i don't capitalize on it. i guess i don't really have a question to the forum, I'd just be interested in anyone else's opinions.

 

mtastic

[Mintyfresh]

yeah be careful with that stuff

 

sounds like it can potentially become an obsession / stalker type situation

 

 

Other than that i don't really understand what you're asking ... maybe just venting.

[HajiMaji]

Yo i dunno man. I dont understand the whole online get up so i cant really comment, but honestly it wouldnt bother me. I would IM her and see if shes cool man. If shes not then dont IM her anymore, and if she thinks you are too weird for im'ing her and doing some crazy dectective stuff for finding it, oh well. Honestly i would like someone who does that. Thats pretty funny to me

 

Getting over the initial contact with women is always the kicker, but it is always over analyzed. If i were you i would just im that girl. Find out if you to flow together. Once youve had a few conversations with her how you got her im name wont even matter man!

[sonjam]

you know where she is. Wait PATIENTLY for her to discover you. If not, you might blow this situation. You see if she is still looking, she will continue to look there. If she's hooked up with somoene, she won't.

 

If you "pounce" on her out of the blue she will definitely get a fright, and probably bolt.

 

Patience is the key here....

 

(my opinion).

 

Is there any way's that the link removed site could send her mail to say she's had a reply on her profile or such??

 

The key is to get her to go looking, without YOU contacting her AT ALL.

[shes2smart]

I'd go the other way on this...here's why:

 

If she's using her IM name as her profile name at link removed, she shouldn't be surprised if someone tries to contact her out of the blue. Use a little common sense here...it's easy enough to come up with a screen name that's not connected to any of your other screen names if you want to protect your anonymity,y'know?

 

At any rate, if you happen to see her online, I don't see a problem with a..."Hi, sorry to bother you. But I read what I think is your profile on link removed and wondered if you might like to chat. My profile is (screen name or link or however she can pull up info about you). Thanks." If isn't interested she'll say so or just ignore you. Wouldn't go past one message, though.

 

BTW, this is how I met my husband. I had a profile on a website (NOT link removed) with my yahoo messenger ID, and he IM'ed me out of nowhere. Somebody has to make the first move. If you approach it politely and leave it at one IM message, I fail to see where it's stalkerish or rude or creepy. She's an adult. If she doesn't want to hear from you (or anyone else) she can make that happen.

[RayKay]

She may not be online as she is dating someone, or perhaps just does not check the site very often. Match sends people emails don't they when they get winks and email to let them know someone is interested, with the email you sent in the email to them, and a link to your profile.

 

I would say either she is not interested (maybe she is dating someone or just not interested), or has not checked.

 

You could just IM her, if her name is same as on the site, she probably knows people could reach her that way (common trick to avoid paying for some people!)...I had people do that when I had first ever started going online.

[aberdeenhjetman]

well i could be wrong cos ive never used personals(and never intend to)

 

but using common sencse them the idea of a personal is too mett people yes?

 

so if you have a personal then you shouldbe surprised if people contact you as that is its purpose.

 

so i say go for it what you gotta lose?

[mtastic]

Thanks for the input guys, sorry it took me a couple days to respond, but my schedule has been rather hectic lately. I appreciate all your input, and I think the responces seem to highlight the various sides of my Dilemma. Match does send people email to let them know when they get winks and emails, but I think its something you have to set up, so she might not have it set that way, a separate issue with that is that link removed only keeps email for 30 days, so as a result i've actually emailed her twice already, as the first email expired and I was unsure weither or not she got it. I guess deep down I figure she probobly did see one of them, but I want to know for sure. On the other hand she did use the IM screename for her personal profile, which would indicate she expects to get an IM or two from anyone who might want to contact her. I've IMed in responce to other personal ads, althought they were a little more explicit that the profile name was their screename, and have fopund i usually do better with girls I contact via IM as opposed to email (its actually how i met my ex, by IMing her one night as a responce to her ad).

 

I'm still not really sure what to do, but i'm leaning towards IMing her the next time I see her. My reasoning is that I basically have nothing to lose, as the worst case scenarion would be her being freaked out and blocking me, in which case i wouldn't talk to her, but at least know she wasn't interested, which is kind of a step up from not talking, and not knowing. Perhaps thats not the best logic, but I keep felling that by not trying to capitalize on having a method of contact, I'm wasting it and casuing myself unnecessary worry in the process. Just on a side note, althought I might be a little cautious at first, i'd be kind of flattered if someone took that kind of effort just to say they were interested in me.

 

Oh well, i'll update if anything happens,

mtastic

[mtastic]

Hi guys,

 

Well, I IMed her friday evening, and received no responce from her at all. So I guess that's that. After she signed off on friday i took her off my buddylist, as well as deleted her profile from my link removed favorites folder. I'll admit its what I figured would happen, but at least i tried.

 

Thanks for you're input guys,

mtastic

[al7]

I'd go the other way on this...here's why:

 

If she's using her IM name as her profile name at link removed, she shouldn't be surprised if someone tries to contact her out of the blue. Use a little common sense here...it's easy enough to come up with a screen name that's not connected to any of your other screen names if you want to protect your anonymity,y'know?

 

At any rate, if you happen to see her online, I don't see a problem with a..."Hi, sorry to bother you. But I read what I think is your profile on link removed and wondered if you might like to chat. My profile is (screen name or link or however she can pull up info about you). Thanks." If isn't interested she'll say so or just ignore you. Wouldn't go past one message, though.

 

Great post! It is a very much adult attitude: to use common sense.

I just notice so many young people have so many "hangups": "if he works with computers he is nerd, so that is not worth even thinking of" etc etc. Why for young people nerdiness is such a turn off by the way?

 

SPeaking about link removed. I guess you can read your messages

by reading your email and do not show up on the site at all.

So she might not go there at all and be inactive for a looooong time.

[shes2smart]

Great post! It is a very much adult attitude: to use common sense.

 

Hey! I'm only 40....who are you callin' "adult"?!?!

[al7]

Great post! It is a very much adult attitude: to use common sense.

 

Hey! I'm only 40....who are you callin' "adult"?!?!

 

Somebody who can use common sense. I think it is good enough definition

 

By the way, why clothes play such a huge role with no common sense, as if she sees a pic of him in not very classy clothes.. she is gonna believe he is a nerd?