I don't think I'm ok anymore

[lighthouse]

I have been dealing with depression for a couple months now. Last night I woke up around 2am and all I could think about was... ending my life. That was litterly the first thought in my mind and was there for several hours. I have never had such intense self destructive thoughts before. Thankfully Im not that irrational, but its scaring me that Im beginning to think and feel this way. I just am starting to lose hope that anything will get better... there doesnt seem to be a break in the weather. I Just want out and part of me feels that is the only possible way to get rid of these feelings. This is really inconvienent for me because I am now a senior in high school, and I skip school a lot because I feel too depressed to go and I can't stand to be around people. My grades from last semester are not to my potential at all... it seems that everything is going in a spiraling downfall. Im in a pit... Im sinking deeper, I want to find another way out but whats the point of getting out if I Just have to continue living?

[Jetta]

Have you spoken to your parents about this? You really need to see your doctor and probably be put on some medication. You're at a point when your life is about to begin, not end. Maybe just having someone to talk to about how your feeling would help you cope with the changes.

[marolua]

I agree with Jetta. Talk to someone about this situation. And never forget you are not the first person that is going through a depression, just try to distance you from the depressed part of you.

 

age 18 is usually a terrible age for boys,so stay calm, these days will pass, trust me

[Sophia_Jane]

Please i suffer from depression and I am trying to get a grip of my life. But I would advise you to please speak too someone you can trust and see your doctor who can refer you to a therapist.If you cant do it for yourself - do it for us here who care about you enough to reply to your message..

 

I have been there and felt close too commiting suicide. Its nto worth it Truss!!

 

Please keep us updated..

[Mysterious Gurl]

Sophia Jane is totally right. We care for you. Talk to someone like a doctor or a help line or something.

 

I know it doesn't feel like it now .... but things will pick up. I have been there too. I have sometimes seen a oppertunity to end my life, I see a knife laying there and I think 'it will be over no more sh!t days' Then I back out because I'm afraid it will hurt.

 

Things DO pick up I swear. It just takes times.

 

We are here for you if you ever need a chat

Miya

[thisisnotanexit]

i agree with everyone else, i really do

 

you are definitely NOT alone. these feelings you're having are normal, espeially among people your age. believe me, i know i've been there. but the good thing is, there is hope. there is help out there. medications, counselors, people to talk to, etc. don't let this moment end your life. we all have hard phases in our lives, especially during our teenage years. but, please, stay strong, don't end it because of this. it's simply not worth it. you're so young, you've got so much life to live. things will not ALWAYS be like this. trust me on this one. i wouldn't lie to you. like i said, never be afraid to talk to someone about this. i mean, we're always here for you and we do care a lot about you...but try to talking to someone like your parent, friend, loved one, counselor, school counselor, therapist, minister, etc. people are there to help you. please take that chance. and in the meantime, try getting a new hobby, join an organization, learn to play an instrument, watch some good movies, listen to some good music, write, read, study, exercise, walk, etc. here is a link for stress relievers link removed

 

there is hope, there is help and you are worth it. never forget that. you're obviously a strong, great person. i believe in you. we all do here. don't give up, it's not worth it. it's really not. at least with life, there's always that chance of things getting better (and they can!). with death, you're buried in the ground...no chance of anything then.

 

so please, hang in there!! you can do it! oh and visit these sites, they helped me sooo much!

 

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

 

and for emergencies, see this site..it has a number you can call, its confidential link removed . and if you ever need it, don't be afraid to call the hospital or police. they can help you.

[lighthouse]

Thanks for the encouraging replies - I really appreciate them. I have to admit, I am on medication but for really no reason at all I stopped taking it a week ago. I was doing alright, I really have no idea why I just dropped it. I have been talking to my parents, grandma and a few close friends. They have definitely been keeping me sane. I feel somewhat pathetic because of the way everything is so amplified to me. Things started to go downhill for me in October, and I'm at a point now where I feel like I've already messed up... and is it really worth it to pick myself back up again?

[thisisnotanexit]

yes it is, it is definitely worth it. and i know you can do it. if i could, i have complete faith in you. you sound like such a strong, wonderful person. i know you can do it

 

if the meds help, please stay on them. we all have our breaks every now and then for whatever reason, so don't feel bad. just get back on them now that you see they can help you. hang in there, this is a constant battle sometimes, but it's always worth fighting. it's worth it, never forget that.

[Mysterious Gurl]

yes! Through out life you have your ups and downs, it's natural. Things do pick up again!!! Honest and if they didn't then some people might not have replied to this post mainly me.

Good luck and take care!

Miya

[Hillary1991]

I echo everyone else's sentiments that going to a doctor would make a world of difference. Medication for this rough time! Let me tell you this though..... I'm 32 and your life TOTALLY changes from what it was in high school. I don't know what has beat you down but you are so young and have so much to look forward to. Try not to be hard on yourself and turn towards those who care for you!

[dcitgirl]

Lighthouse,

I've read all of the responses to your post and share the same ideas and hopes as the others in reference to urging you to continue to keep reaching out to those who care about you as well as those who are trained professionals in helping millions of others that suffer similar pains. If you don't think that your life has any significant impact on the world, you are wrong.

 

One thing that I picked up from your posts, is that unlike many others who specify what is making them have feelings of ending their lives, like breakups, low self esteem, and various life pressures- you instead mention the weather, and the fact that you begin feeling like this in October. Are you aware that there is an actual condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? My feeling is that you are, since you have been medicated. If for some reason the possibility of your being affected by this disorder has not been addressed by your doctor, or have not researched it, here is a link to one of the many websites you may find on Google.

[dcitgirl]

Lighthouse,

Here's a better website with more resources to search:

 

link removed

 

Best wishes to you.

[Dubz]

the one thing u have to do is keep positive, things will get better, just dont lose hope. hope everything works out and take care.