saw something I didn't want to see

[tengu]

Hey everyone... I posted my story awhile back but I have just recently had a crisis. oh my god...where do I even start...

SO I may or may not have searched for my ex online through a username he now goes by, and kinda saw things that made my heart sink.

curiosity kills the cat. If that isn't an extreme understatement. So he stopped using twitter for a good while but he recently updated it with a new picture, and has deleted the pictures he has posted with me in them.

I found out he has made an instagram account, which is something he has never used beforehand. It's on private (for the better I guess..)

 

I'm really sorry that I'm going all over the place with this it just kind of hit me hard and I don't know how to write this out...

So in my post awhile back I talked about how he was talking to another girl, which was something I was hurt over but was sure it was a rebound.

Now there isn't anything OFFICIAL. He hasn't deleted/blocked me on anything or deleted our photos on fb.

 

but through searching the username I found some of his comments to one of his FRIENDS. Friend being a girl. In fact specifically the one girl I was hoping wasn't the one he was "talking to".

I wouldn't have cared if it was some random girl to be honest.

She posted a pic of her ticket receipt flying back to our state and he comments, "Can't wait to see you

 

I may be overreacting.... but honestly? It's kind of clear whats going on. if it's not official, he has feelings for her. It also doesn't help that he barely responds to my messages which i send on occasion.

I don't want to bring this up to him at all or make assumptions/ get upset with him... I don't know what to do......

 

I'm getting my license in July... and i was planning to hangout to catch up with him at that point in time. he probably is going to decline the offer anyway but I originally wanted to "clear the air" with him, since there is

emotional distance coming from him, even though it was his idea to be friends. I don't want to play games with him but this stuff needs to be said in person. but is there any point now?

after seeing this it's clear I need to move on because I don't have a "chance" anymore. The only thing I held on to was the idea he was trying to get with random girls.

but this girl I know is a big deal to him...

 

I have also been planning on messaging him about the whole silent treatment. and being more up front and honest about the whole friend thing. As from advice from one of my friends. I just...feel terrible right now...

Yes i know I need to move on... but.. idk I'm just kind of venting here... maybe get some more insight. I'm tempted to delete him off everything, but yet that just feels childish and I am not really ok with the idea

of throwing away 4 years of my life because I'm having a hard time accepting the truth...

We didn't even really end on bad terms.... keeping him on select social networks doesn't seem too horrible honestly, and I still need to work on myself. but I just feel so weak right now.....

[Pixels]

Don't know the full story, but if he's giving you the silent treatment it's safe to say he wants space. His reasons are his reasons and he doesn't really have to give you an explanation if he doesn't want to.

 

If it makes it easier to let go, consider this... Take all the feelings you had with him, now substitute him with someone else... It's not an exact carbon copy, but the feelings are still there... Now consider how many people there are in the world, and how many people have multiple partners throughout their lives...

 

With that many people finding that many compatible partners who spark such strong feelings, and a large number of them happen to be within geographically convenient locations (many times often attending the exact same school), I think it's safe to say that with all the numbers taken into consideration, and assuming you live in a developed country, you likely have tons of people around that you could potentially share a significant connection with that could turn into something more, and once you move on and find a point where you're emotionally available to make those connections, you'll appreciate the differences the next guy brings to the table.

 

So.... Number-wise it's almost an assured thing... Now the only thing to do is stop torturing yourself.

[Helpexpressme]

I think you need to leave him alone. He has moved on, and so should you.

[tengu]

I aprreciate this response. trust me that I have been giving him space.

tried NC and stuff (which I feel like it was a bad idea to go with in the end)

 

It's just hard to move past this when my life is currently on a stand still out of my control. things will get better but... I just have to pick up my life all on my own.. essentially he dropped me when he was going through new changes in his life and he got a new job and was meeting his online friends (which are his only close friends) for the first time.

 

I don't want to be single, but I;m not in any shape to be dating as I'm not happy with where my life is at right now. I just hope I can find someone better sooner than later.

it's hard because he was my first love and first serious relationship. which may have worked out if it wasn't started at the wrong time.

 

I need to keep holding myself up as best I can..

[Listening]

tengu time will heal and it just takes some time. in the meanwhile, just occupy yourself with as many things to keep yourself busy. i try to do a daily list for the whole week so i know what im doing the whole day so im not kept wondering what my ex is doing. they say it takes 2 weeks to drop/pick up a habit so keep doing other things to stir your mind away from your ex and whatever he's doing. i am also struggling with the NC rule. you can do it!