Should I be concerned?

[mermayd]

So my guy just moved away about 3 weeks ago. He's 400 miles away now and we were living together for 2 years before that. The current situation: He has seen most of his ex's (4 girls) within the last few weeks, now that hes in his hometown. Before he left, he layed everything out on the table so there were no secrets and I told him that if he talks to or sees these girls, I won''t be upset, as long as he is honest with me. So he has been honest and hes been telling me who he has been seeing and when. It doesnt bother me terribly that he has kept in touch with them and is meeting up with them for the first time in years, but it has been so frequent lately. Maybe it is just because he just got there and in another few weeks he will not be seeing them at all? I made a promise not to be upset and as long as he is being honest with me, I dont see any reason to be upset. I just dont really know what to make of the situation as a whole. And yes, it does frighten me because it almost seems as though he is lining up his backup plans, so to speak. But I think that is just my own insecurities talking.

So my main question is, is this a matter of my insecurities and as long as he is being honest with me, I should worry myself about anything?

or

Is it odd that he has kept in touch with his ex's since he broke it off with them and is seeing them so frequently lately and there is substantial reason for concern.

 

Please note that I have talked about this to him and expressed my concerns loosely. I dont want to bash him for seeing them because that would turn into negative reinforcement. I say its ok as long as he tells me and then its not...

 

words please?

[Snow_bunny]

You have nothing to worry about in my opinon....if this guy was up to something he certainly wouldn't be telling you when and who is seeing. Is there a reason why you should not trust your boyfriend or are you just imagining possibilties that would never happen? Deep down there is a reason why you dont trust your boyfriend, you need to isolate this feeling and then mayb you two can talk about it and sort through your insecurities together. hope this helped at least a little bit. good luck

[lisica]

It is not really possible to promise not be upset, as you did. You can promise to *try* not to be upset, but it seems in the end you are upset nevertheless. And that is ok, it shows that you are jealous and you do not want to loose him.

 

I am in a LDR too and I sometimes go out with ex's, like to a movie or for a dinner. Throughout such "dates" I regularly think about how happy I feel in my current relationship and that I am glad things worked out for me the way they did, that I would not want to go back to the past situation, not for a million dollars etc. So calling, seeing, and even going out with an ex can be very innocent and not harmful for the relationship - on the contrary!

 

Me and other posters can tell you this a zillion times, but to be really reassured, I think you should hear it coming from your boyfriend. So my advice is that you talk to him about it. Tell him that you tried so hard not to be upset but that you are feeling jealous nevertheless. I mean, all those girls enjoying his attention while you are so far away... It will flatter his ego, and he seems like a nice and open guy, so in talking about it, he can make you feel better.

[Cecelius]

Frankly, you may not need to be upset and perhaps its not shady or wrong of him because he is being upfront, but why on earth does he need to hang out with these women? BEcause he's lonely?

 

It's up to you to decide if you can put up with it, but to me, other than the odd email or coffee (and I mean occasional, like once a year) I just don't see the need to hang with exes.