How do i let him down easy?

[DragonGirl724]

lol, I'm getting addicted to this site all of a sudden.

 

DragonGirl724

 

I guess I can only take my opinions/assumptions so far because I don't know you or the people you hang around. The guys you hang out with may just be an exception to the rule, but I doubt it. Let me ask you, how physically attractive would you say you are? Your honest opinion of yourself. Are you a tomboy, do you dress more like guys? I'm curious.

 

I do actually see how guys could be cool with you because you seem to have a laid back attitude. lol I was expecting you to reply more harshly to my comments but you responded...well...almost like a guy Some people *wispers* (especially women), get really offended by some of us who speak their mind on this site.

 

haha yeah man it gets pretty addicitng. this post topic really blew up.

 

in all honesty not to be conceided but i see myself as being a pretty attractive person. im fit & curvy, get my nails done bi-weekly, not too tall not too short, nice hair, T&A etc. lol & i get along with almost everyone. but in some ways i am a tomboy, b/c i play videogames, wrestle, drink w/ the best of them & i can hold my own. i dont dress like a guy at all. but i have an attitude/persona that is a lot like the male species. lol i burp like a madman, i drink beer, & like cars & comics BUT i look good in a bikini & can rock it in a skirt thats what im about pretty much.

 

thanks for the * whispered compliment* hehehe i know some people can get offended at some things that are said. but i figure hey this is a very opinionated world so this forum is no different.

 

ive had guy friends that 'thought i was 'hot' or whatever & who describe me as a good looking chick & maybe at one point could have seen me as 'aww i like her a little more than friends' but that usually fades when i belch in their ear or do something gross to not make them see me like that anymore. lol

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

ahhh supreman.

 

sorry i remind you of bad times. but if it makes you feel any better i dont do that at all. if a guy randomly meets me in the bar & i dont return his call im sure hell be far from heartbroken. but i would never lead someone on who i know likes me. im a very tell it like it is kinda gal & when i know someone i hang out with likes me more than i like him trust me i let him know.

 

i wouldnt do that to anyone. ill be guilty of being too honest, never ''not honest enough'.

 

-DG724

[annie24]

Annie24

 

See, now I agree with you in theory, but it just doesn't work that way in real life. I, for one, used to ask guys out, and honestly, it has never gone well! When I've asked a guy out to coffee, or on a study date, I've gotten responses like, "sorry, I can't handle a relationship right now," or "I don't want a girlfriend." These are responses to coffee!!!

 

All this means is you asked guys out who were not that interested in you. This happens to men ALL THE TIME. We may get slightly different responses but they mean the same thing.

 

Just a few months ago, I asked a guy out. We had coffee and a nice chat. And I've never heard from him since! I think that if he were interested in me, he would have asked me out first. Instead, he accepted my offer, just to be polite or see if there was any chemistry. But, nope, never heard from him again.

 

Again, this happens to men ALL THE TIME.

 

The fact is, like many other women, I'm not looking for a date or a few dates. I am looking for a real, meaningful relationship. Sure, I can ask a guy out, and I'll get dates, but it's never led to a relationship. All of my relationships have started with the guy pursuing me first!

 

I don't see the significance in this. Are you saying that you only get relationships from guys who ask you out? How many guys do you know would not want a relationship with a women they were attracted to just because she asked them out for coffee?

 

Men are far more into physical attraction than women are. The man has to be attracted to a woman, or things won't go anywhere. Now, if I ask a guy out, but I'm not his type, it won't lead to a relationship, even if he gets to know my sparkling personality. We might be friends, but if he doesn't want to sleep with me.... it's over. On the other hand, physical attraction for women isn't the primary thing. So, if we get to know a guy, and he's really nice and a good guy, he becomes more attractive.

 

I agree to some extent but whats the difference between a guy asking a girl out and vice versa, and being turned down or blown off after a while? You feel exactly the same way as a guy thats been rejected.

 

I'm sure that even Brad Pitt would get turned down once in a while.

 

LOL! Highly unlikely but I'm sure your correct.

 

I'm 5'7", size 8, long blonde hair and brown eyes, and not shy. For some guys, I'm their type, and for other guys, I'm not. That's just the way it is. If a guy likes petite quiet brunettes, then he probably won't be into me, no matter what I say or do.

 

I still don't see any difference between your situation and a guys.

 

So, that's my response. I don't really advocate women asking men out. On the other hand, if I meet a guy I like, I'll flirt with him and give him signals that I'm interested hoping that he'll take the bait. And that does work! While it would be nice to ask guys out and have it lead to a meaningful relationship, it's just been my experience that it's never worked.

 

I really wish you would reconsider asking guys out, I think you've just had a stroke of bad luck. You seem to have approached guys who had less of an interest in a relationship but that doesn't mean they immediately started feeling that way because you made the first move. In my experience, I've been approached the most by women I was not into, but I must emphasize MOST, not ALL. I have had relationships with a few women who have asked me out first and everything went great.

 

Just know that what your feeling is exactly what guys feel when they don't get what they're after. Its more comfortable and your feelings are spared when you are approached by people, no one wants to be rejected.

 

What I'm saying is that if the guys were interested in me, they would have asked me out first! Yeah, every once in a while, I'll "slip" and ask out a guy, but it will always turn out the same - either no date, or only a date or two.

 

Like from the book, "he's just not that into you." "If they want you, they will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it in half."

 

Yes, all of the relationships I've had came from the guy asking me out.

 

It's not just a streak of bad luck. I do have 11 years of dating experience. And I've dated a lot of guys. I know what I'm talking about. Maybe asking the guy out works for some girls, but it doesn't work for me. What does work for me is to go to a party or hang out with a group of friends, and casually talk to the guys there. So, that's what I'll keep doing.

 

But, like DN was saying before, it's just the way it is. Maybe it's a social thing like he says, I think it's just a biological thing. I just think that a girl going up to a guy to ask him out isn't a great approach.

[Shidoshi]

What I'm saying is that if the guys were interested in me, they would have asked me out first!

 

This isn't always true, hell I'm proof of that. There have been some women that I was attracted to but didn't approach because I was a bit shy about it. I may have missed some great opportunities because of it.

 

If they want you, they will find you.

 

This is also not always true, I probably don't have as many relationships under my belt as you but I'm telling you as a heterosexual male that it does not apply to every guy.

 

It's not just a streak of bad luck. I do have 11 years of dating experience. And I've dated a lot of guys. I know what I'm talking about. Maybe asking the guy out works for some girls, but it doesn't work for me. What does work for me is to go to a party or hang out with a group of friends, and casually talk to the guys there. So, that's what I'll keep doing.

 

I'm not implying that you don't know what your talking about, but you are generalizing and using the "biology" theory based on your personal experience. I'm not only speaking of my own experiences but other guys I know. I'm a guy, I have many guy friends, am I just imagining this? My uncle who is 51 y/o says pretty much what your saying in that out of all of the relationships he's had where women have approached him, they ended up lasting longer than the ones where he was the pursuer (he's a man, go figure). I actually forgot we had that conversation until I saw this thread.

 

This has really made me think back though, because as I mentioned before most women that have approached me I was not into, maybe its because they thought more of me than I of them and that in itself was the reason they made the first move, who knows. I can agree to disagree as I can see you've had a long history of issues with this.

[annie24]

Shidoshi - I understand what you're getting it. Hell - I agree with a lot of what you say. But, I'm just giving you my personal experiences and am trying to explain another reason why some women don't ask out men (besides just being shy).

 

Oh wow - we are so off topic from where we started. What was it all about? The girl who wants to know how to turn down a guy nicely?

[wlfpack81]

maybe some like the person on a friendly level. thats how i met all my close friends. they are brotherly to me & watch over me like im their sister. & we only became that way b/c we werent attracted to eachother in that way. if one of them liked me that way it would be totally different.[b/] & now we love eachother in a different way.

 

EXACTLY, they weren't attracted to you and vice versa. GOes back to my saying that guys girls can only be friends if one isn't attracted to the other and in case where it's usually the guy who is ugly he won't waste time hanging around if he knows he won't be apart of the picture.

[DragonGirl724]

nah i knew these guys for a few years & not one has ever even attempted or thought about puttin the moves on me. i even sleep in the same bed as them when we have parties & even after we drink & some of them smoke and still not a finger.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

maybe some like the person on a friendly level. thats how i met all my close friends. they are brotherly to me & watch over me like im their sister. & we only became that way b/c we werent attracted to eachother in that way. if one of them liked me that way it would be totally different.[b/] & now we love eachother in a different way.

 

EXACTLY, they weren't attracted to you and vice versa. GOes back to my saying that guys girls can only be friends if one isn't attracted to the other and in case where it's usually the guy who is ugly he won't waste time hanging around if he knows he won't be apart of the picture.

 

yeah, but it all started w/ one of us asking the other for their phone number.

 

-DG724

[doorik]

giving a guy your # doesnt mean youre getting romantic with them.

 

if i asked a guy for his # & he gave it to me id be like "ok cool, someone new to hang out with."-DG724

 

I can imagine what these fellas tell their friends about the encounter and your interaction at a future "hang out "session

 

Him: I met this cute girl named DragonGirl724

Friend: That's cool - you get her number?

Him: The surprising thing is she asked for mine!!

Friend: Wow, nice...(with a forlorn look in his face) that never happens to me

Him KNOW, we are going out this weekend

Friend: nice, let me know how it goes

Him: Cool

 

During the "Hang out" Session (movies, dinner, coffee, or any other "date like" activity)...

Him: I have to say, I've never had a cute girl like you aske me out before..

You: what do you mean?

Him: Well, you know, a girl has never ask me out for a date before

You: Erm (shifting unconfortably in your seat), this, um, isn't a date

Him: (looking down at his shoes to hide his embarrassment) oh.

You: I asked for your nember because I thought you would be someone fun to hang out with.

Him: Oh, I see

 

Later on in a discussion with his friend....

Friend: How did it go

Him: Don't ask

Friend: what do you mean

Him: she thinks of me as a bud, someone "cool to hangout with". The date I thought we were on was actually a "pseudo date".

Friend: then why the heck did she ask for your number?

Him: (shrugs) chicks...

Friend: for real....chicks..

[DragonGirl724]

hahahahah! lol thats great.

 

i cant say i was put in that situation before THAT I KNOW OF*

 

well im really sorry guys, but thats how i roll. lol sorry.

 

ahhhhhh.......

 

*sigh*

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

hahaha. im cruisin for a bruisin arent i?

 

lol. sorry.

 

i have pics on my comp, but only a few on my websyte.

 

im goin out in a lil bit hittin a few bars w/ my hairdresser friend. ill keep mental note of how she & i react to guys while im out tonight & fill you all in & how much of a 'heartbreaker' i am. lol

 

im an angel.

 

...see my halo.......

 

 

 

 

 

its being held up by the horns on my head. lol

 

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

hi guys & gals.

 

had a great time w/ my girl friend tonight. i have some info to share come tomarrow @ some point. im exhausted & a LITTLE tipsy but not bad, but my bed is lookin might fine right now! & i have 1 of my cats sitting here waiting for me to turn off this damn computer & go to bed w/ him. hes the 1 guy i can honestly say ill never get tired of cuddling up with.

 

 

aww my kitty kitty.

 

g'nyte all.

 

-DG724

[doorik]

hahahahah! lol thats great.

 

i cant say i was put in that situation before THAT I KNOW OF*

 

well im really sorry guys, but thats how i roll. lol sorry.

 

ahhhhhh.......

 

*sigh*

 

-DG724

 

I dunno, I went to your website and you are quite attractive. Maybe you enjoy hypnotizing these "cool to hangout with" guys, have them take you out on pseudo dates before you actually let them in on the fact that there was no romantic intent on your part.

 

Me: (shrugging my shoulders) chicks....

[DragonGirl724]

I dunno, I went to your website and you are quite attractive. Maybe you enjoy hypnotizing these "cool to hangout with" guys, have them take you out on pseudo dates before you actually let them in on the fact that there was no romantic intent on your part.

 

Me: (shrugging my shoulders) chicks....

 

hmm i dont know whether to be flattered or what. lol. nah its all good. thank you for the compliment. lol@'hypnotizing the guys' thats good stuff. i wish i had powers like that. haha

 

um ok well i discussed this over w/ my girl friend while we were out last night & i realized i might have not made myself clear when i said 'if i give my number to a guy its usually just for friend basis.'

 

let me explain the scenario: when im w/ a group of people & he is with a group of people & we meet at the bar & we ALL start socializing w/ eachother & in return he & i exchange numbers. that is when id give out my number. when i see hes cool, his friends are cool, & theyre all cool w/ my friends etc. thats when i say 'hey man we had a good time give me your number we'll do it again sometime' or 'if you come to this bar every thursday, then ill see you next thurs then, save me a seat. ' something to that nature. i usually try to make it as casual-cool as i can.

 

NOW if im at a club & dancin w/ a guy all night & i catch him like looking into my eyes or dancing closer to me, buying me drinks, then at the end of the night wants to exchange numbers or if i initiate a number exchange THEN it looks like im interested. the same goes for 'those random run up outta nowhere & be one of those"hey, can i got'ya number guys" at the mall, or wherever. i agree with you guys on that. i had the first scenario stuck in my head b/c thats the only time id give out my #. so to me thats like an innocent friendly basis. & i appologize if that causes a misunderstanding to all you fellas out there. 8)

 

but i DO agree w/ you guys on how it can come off as misleading if its a 1 on 1 basis. but still if i did give out my number randomly id fit him into my schedule as it suits MY schedule. and id make it clear this is a friendly 'date' & that is all. unless i really like the guy after the first "date".

 

plus the way you end that "first date" can really set the mood for the next one...or if even if there will be a next one.

 

waddya think?

 

-DG724

[Caldus]

DragonGirl, I think you cleared things up pretty good with that last post. I definitely agree with the group thing.

[DragonGirl724]

DragonGirl, I think you cleared things up pretty good with that last post. I definitely agree with the group thing.

 

PHEWWWWW!

 

at least now i know i wont go gettin my butt kicked by all you guys! lol (well at least not you). haha my butt & i thank you.

 

-DG724

[wlfpack81]

DG yes that posts makes more sense...

 

In a group setting I DEFINITELY agree w/you. My rant was from the perspective of a 1-on-1 type of deal (like the original story in this post). Sorry to come down on you...been a tough year..I mean life..I mean weak..well tough everything (well from a social life perspective). Take it easy.

[Shidoshi]

lol, I know this is late, but I've seen your pics and even in the group situation you describe, you seem like a tease! Theres no way a non-chump could sleep in the same bed as you and not make a move, or want to make a move at the very least.

 

Even if you just say "hey I think your cool, lets exchange #s and meet up at the bar again," looking the way you do, theres no way the dude would not want you sexually. I think deep down you know this but you like the attention and you know any guy that spends time with you and thinks of you as a brother HAS GOT TO BE GAY!!!

 

You make everything sound so platonic, but men just don't think that way, even if they pretend to. There are a lot of men (chumps) out there who would simply enjoy your company because they get to hang out with an attractive chick (that they can't touch LOL!). I mean come on, you have a website, look at your pics, you KNOW your hot for crying out loud! You are a female player!! I'm not trying to offend you, just my honest opinion.

[DragonGirl724]

lol shidoshi first off id like to thank you for the compliments. thats really cool of you to say all those things about me. but I SWEAR when it comes to my friends im seriously like one of the guys. lol i know it may be hard to believe but i really am. i wont lie there has been times that friends of mine had a crush on me but it ended up being no big thing b/c once they got on this level w/ me they then see me more as their sister type. they watch over me when im out, ask me about my BF's we talk about girls theyre dating, we beat eachother up etc. & we can actually sleep in the same bed without any sexual intentions. lol ACTUALLY one of them i tease all the time & say 'cmon lets bone & get it over with. lets just do it already' he just laughs & says HELLLLL NO!!!! lol we bust eachothers chops. but I SWEAR THEYRE NOT GAY. hahaha

 

youre right im sure sometimes when i meet a cool guy at the bar & we exchange #s it may be for alternative intentions. like last week while at work i waited on this table of guys they were all talkin to me having a good time. well as they left one of them gave me his number. hes a cool kid, good lookin guy, & he said hey give me a call sometime we'll chill. now i made a new yrs resolution NOT to involve so many guys in my life at the same time. & im kinda dating someone now so i simply told him how im out of state during the week but i work every weekend at that bar/restaurant & if he wants to swing by thats cool we can have a beer after my shift. he said ok thats cool & we shook hands & they left.

 

do you think i handled that appropriatly? i mean he was a cool guy, i didnt diss him. i left it open for him to visit me at work & maybe have a beer afterwards. i think thats good enough no? i really dont care much of guys chasing me. i find that the more men in my life the more of a hassle it is. lol

 

im innocent i tell ya!

 

-DG724

[Shidoshi]

lol man, you are something else. To answer your question, well it depends, you say the guy is cool and attractive, but it seems like you aren't really interested, or are you? I'd say you if you aren't you handled it well because you made no mention of calling him, and pretty much told him that you'd be working on the weekends and he could stop by for a beer after your shift if he wanted. But I have no idea who this guy is, and I know many a chump who would've melted at your friendly invite....

 

See if it were me, I wouldn't have given you MY #, I would have asked you for yours. If he did this, would you have given it to him? If this guy actually comes to see you on the weekend (poor guy, if he does), you'll know exactly why he's there, how will you handle it? Oh I know, you will LJBF (lets just be friends) him, maybe not in those exact words, and let him down easy

 

You aren't innocent, your a pro!

[DragonGirl724]

hahahaha! lol this is hilarious. i thank you for giving me more props than i probably deserve. i sound like a rockstar! 8) lol if i only was one lol. well like i said in the previous reply that i made a resolution to myself this year -not to involve so many guys in my life-. you fellas are a trip i tell ya!! hehehe i started cracking up when you said "oh youll probably just throw him the LJBF line" hahahaaaha i was literally laughing out loud here in the computer lab. lol got a few looks from people. haha but anyway.

 

hey, you say po-tate-o, i say po-tah-to, you say player i say..'ehhh, hey what the hell'. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING! im not a heartbreaker.

 

if he does show up it would be kinda awkward b/c the guy im kinda dating works there w/ me. lol so this oughta be cute. well, we're not really "dating" we're friends w/ benefits w/ a solid friendship for years....what would you call that? well, whatever it is, it is. & hes had to deal w/ customers tryin to pick me up before. he usually just brushes it off. i dunno, im crazy i know, but hey, you guys made me this way.

 

....maybe i should just become a lesbian. lol

 

 

-DG724

[Shidoshi]

maybe i should just become a lesbian. lol

Now theres an idea! Just make sure you post pics

i thank you for giving me more props than i probably deserve.

Don't just thank me, thank all the guys that are under your spell

hehehe i started cracking up when you said "oh youll probably just throw him the LJBF line"

Because thats exactly what you intend to do right?

hey, you say po-tate-o, i say po-tah-to, you say player i say..'ehhh, hey what the hell'. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING! im not a heartbreaker.

lol, yeah you are, but as you said "ehhh, hey what the hell".

well, we're not really "dating" we're friends w/ benefits w/ a solid friendship for years....what would you call that?

Friends w/benefits, lol

hes had to deal w/ customers tryin to pick me up before. he usually just brushes it off.

Thats why he has benefits, he's handling it the way he should *tips hat*

i dunno, im crazy i know, but hey, you guys made me this way.

You are right about that!

[DragonGirl724]

shidosi you rock in so many ways. lol!

 

-DG724

[Shidoshi]

Thanks, and to think I would get a compliment after everything I've said...

You are definitely good at what you do, lol.

 

This is good stuff, if you were a guy I'd be taking notes

[DragonGirl724]

Thanks, and to think I would get a compliment after everything I've said...

You are definitely good at what you do, lol.

 

This is good stuff, if you were a guy I'd be taking notes

 

haha thats awesome! like nothing people say to me pisses me off. certain things urk me but ehh its pretty hard to tick me off. pety crap is just a waste of time. some say i have a male mentality...lol i dunno, i guess i do in some ways huh.

 

ps: and on the lesbian topic, hahaha if i get drunk enough hey, who knows. i dohave a kinky bi-friend lol funny b/c my friend just told me last night that my les friend kinda has a crush on me. thats classic!

 

youre too much.

 

the poster is probably pissed that we're flooding her topic w/ BS.

 

sorry! wat ever did happen w/ this situation???? maybe a lil update....?

 

-DG724