Ex's Actions and Words (or lack thereof) Don't Match; End NC?

[Ginryu]

So, to make a long story short, my bf of over 4 years left me about 8 months ago.

 

No extraordinary circumstances about the breakup; just two people not getting along too well due to our immaturities of not knowing when to back down from a fight and unwillingness to compromise on some issues. Although, according to him, the reason we broke up was because he needed to do something different with life since he hadn't worked or been in college in 2 years. This was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. Directly after the break-up, I only pleaded a little for him to stay with me, but was able to keep my dignity. We talked a few times but we pretty much went quiet right after the breakup. He moved accross country 1 month after our breakup and said that we wouldn't talk until the holidays when he would visit his family still living in my area. About 3 weeks after he arrived in his new state, he texted me from his new phone number. We kept contact for about 2 or 3 weeks, just talking about his new life. He kept trying to bring up old jokes I had with him, nicknames, fun things we did together but then I decided to go completely NC because I felt like he was trying to keep my on a string. Plus he was hot and cold about how frequently he responded: sometimes immediately, sometimes the days later.

 

I started receiving a couple blocked phone calls for 3 months after I went NC. The first few times I picked up, there was silence on the other end for about 10-15 seconds, then they would hang up. I thought they were pranksters. After the 3rd call I talked to my phone company and it ended up being the ex's number so I didn't pick up the calls after that. They stopped right before my bday.

 

Then, during my birthday, things get really weird... On my mother's bday, a couple days before mine, he texts me and says to tell my mom happy b-day and what's my address. I don't respond. On my birthday, he texts me a 6am saying happy bday *nickname*, trying to pretend we're still friends, then calls me 15 minutes later. I respond to neither. I enjoy most of my bday, forgetting about him (thank the good Lord). I come home in the afternoon to change and there are two flower bouquets and vases delivered. Lillies for my mom and multicolored roses for me. My mom's letter was an off-handed comment about how he would try food he hates if she cooked it. My letter was a riddle he made up. I shrugged it off since they said nothing important. While I was out with friends that night, he called me 4 more times (that I didn't pick up) so he left me a voicemail on the last call saying happy birthday, sorry he called me so early cause he "forgot" there was time change between the opposite sides of the country (doy football head), and that he'll be back in my city in a month and that'll he'll probably see me when he gets back. Following that voice message, he sent me one final text saying "I tried to get a hold of you but anyway. Happy birthday *nickname*!"

 

The next day, I already felt like a jerk ignoring his efforts to wish me happy bday, but then I receive another package in the mail. This time it has a couple of my video game related toys and a stuffed animal of the nickname he kept calling me. But again I had no choice but to ignore it because even a "thank you" text would open up a can of worms for me and I had to put myself first.

 

Then two days after that, I receive another package in the mail. 2 tshirts of our favorite geek stuff. I love it, but i refuse to wear it. Again, no text from him or from me.

 

A month later, I bump into him and his fam at a restaurant my family always used to bring him to. I was with my fam at the time too. I see him but do not approach. He comes up to me and says "hey! happy birthday! did you receive my gifts?" and i said yes, thanks. then he goes, "yeah, well I didn't put much thought into them anyway. I just went online and click click!" then he walks away. His fam says hi to me, too, and he says hi to my mom. While I'm eating, about 10 minutes after talking to him. I see him walk out of the restaurant without his fam. When i'm almost finished eating, his fam approaches me and we catch up some more. My mom asks them where my ex went and they say "oh he decided to leave early."

 

Two weeks later, at another restaurant my family goes to saturday that he used to come to with us, both our families run into each other again. This time I can't pretend I didn't see them so I approach first. Chat. Give hugs. We sat a few tables away from each other. He approaches our table once to say talk a bit but he was so uncomfortable so I diverted attention to his brother, and while I talked to him, the ex walked away. His mother comes to talk to me and tells me that he is planning not to return accross country and that his is going to move back to my city since he was having an awful time there. When we go to leave the restaurant, they're by the exit, and I wave by to everyone but he opens his arms gesturing for a hug, so I quickly hug him and accidentally say "Let me know if you plan to stay around!". Idk why I said that since I don't care much at this point.

 

My girlfriend said that she ran into him last week while he was playing sports at my university. While they were talking he started waving at one girl sitting in the distance then says "oops that's not who i thought it was." and said that it was a girl who my college mates always confuse for me.

 

I know some of these occurrences don't mean much, but they just keep bugging me. I don't even miss him anymore, don't get butterflies or shakies when I see him, no attraction, and I definitely don't love him right now, but I want to know what he's thinking. Some part of me still cares. I'm doing well healing and but I feel like knowing how he feels would get me over that last bit.

 

His birthday is soon and I don't know what to do for his since he did so much for mine. I don't know that I should do anything at all. Thoughts?

[Ginryu]

Oh, and to be clear, although my feelings towards him right now are quite indifferent, I'm still not sure if I want to reconcile ever or if I'm ready to just say, "never again."

[This]

If you don't want to reconcile politely let him know that you would not like to talk to him or have any contact whatsoever because you want to move on with your life, but if you want to get back it seems like that's possible too.

 

Clearly you need to sort out your feelings first and see what you want to do.

I wish you the best of luck!

[DaisyHope]

Don't be in touch on his birthday. you need to work out what you want first. His comment about the click click thing is embarrassment on his part saying it wasn't as thoughtful as it was. My word I think all the signs point to this guy wanting things back. You need to talk that through but my feeling is that you don't get in touch on his birthday and see how that makes YOU feel. If you're indifferent then perhaps you need to stick with seeing this break up out. At least you know you didn't put the first nail in the coffin. It was his mistake and his loss clearLy. Keep us posted.

[Ginryu]

This: Whether I want him back or not Depends on if he has changed... and I can't find out if he has or hasn't since he's all butt hurt that I didn't crawl for him back the second he came back to my area... that's why idk if I should reinitiate contact. He already seems to feel as if I said "no".

[Ginryu]

Daisyhope: so you don't think I should even send a card by mail or a simplr hbday text? Yeah I really need to figure out if I can forgive him if we did try again...