I am starting to like one of the guys from our group... but he is taken!

[Lexy83]

Don't feel guilty about thoughts. I know certain segments of the population teach that even thoughts are bad, but I pay those thought police no mind. Thoughts are not really important unless they are obsessive, how you ACT on them is.

 

Thanks Unreasonable. I hope you are right... I know I can't control my thoughts but I feel like I shouldn't have them at all instead of having to hide them... if that makes sense? For example, I think there's a part of me that would really like to have him but in order for this to happen he should be single. So this thought does cross my mind. BUT if a genie from a lamp asked me if I want them to split up then my answer would be an easy NO. Because it's not right and wouldn't want to be the cause. And wishing bad things to happen to someone is just wrong and I couldn't live with that.

[Lexy83]

UPDATE...

 

We went out again together a few times. I actually made plans with some other friends (as I said I would try to distance myself a bit), but at the end they decided to come to the same place I went with other friends. SO at the end we ended up hanging together again. His GF started acting really weird, she was annoyed at everyone, being rude all the time for no reason. She even got into a fight with another girl for really no reason, she actually slapped her and kicked her. She even slapped her BF (the guy I like) a few times because he did not agree with her. Not sure where you live, but here you never see girls fight and I find it so pathetic. The next day me and my friend decided to go on a trip up the mountains and at the end the others decided to join us too. She was acting like nothing happened the night before, she was super nice again with everyone. But then again, she got super drunk, there was like 12 of us and she was saying how much she desires to have sex with a woman or with 2 guys at the same time (in a detailed version). Plus other inappopriate things. I could see he felt embarassed. He tried suggesting going home but she freaked out again and said she would try to jump off the car if he tries taking her home.

 

Anyways, I realised that their RS is so dysfunctional... I can't imagine anyone staying in a RS like that so if he stays he must have some issues too. In my opinion this is not what a healthy relationship looks like. There were also other things, like her threatening she would set his house on fire etc. Not sure if she's always like this, or only when she drinks,... But he said she's always like this and not to take it too personal when she was offending us.

 

I really don't know what to think of all this. Yes, she is gorgeous, but surely it can't be enough. He told me he would really like to settle down, have kids sooner rather than later... but when I asked him if they are moving in together he said no (he just bought a new appartment). Yeah it's none of my business, I know, but we all became very close and it hurts me when she's treating him badly. I don't think I am being irrational and subjective, because I don't have feelings for him, otherwise it would bother me seeing them together. It doesn't bother me, I just don't like her treating him like that. He's such a nice guy, a true gentleman, he always makes me laugh...

[Batya33]

I think you are focusing on her way too much and are too biased about her behavior. I think she is behaving rudely of course but it's none of your concern and if he wants to leave, he will. You might be right that his decision to stay raises some flags about his character.

[uniqueme]

I think you should just focus on being you and yes it does seem he's in an abusive relationship but he's an adult so he can take care of it. If there's fate for the both of you then you'll have a chance with him I'm sure

[Lexy83]

I think you should just focus on being you and yes it does seem he's in an abusive relationship but he's an adult so he can take care of it. If there's fate for the both of you then you'll have a chance with him I'm sure

 

Yeah you are right. I guess I just had to vent a bit... I can't really say anything to the others

[Lexy83]

Well, it's been a month since I posted this question and the situations is getting worse and it's driving me nuts. I feel like this guys likes me too ..a lot! He's somehow always around me, he has been writing to me every single day for the past month or so, first only in the evening, but now he's always messaging me throughout the day too. I didn't think anything of it at first, I thought it's the way he is, but apparently he doesn't talk to the others daily. He sends me pics of what he is up to, he always teases me like crazy (in a cute way though), he finds excuses to touch me lightly (in a friendly manner and never over the top, but still..), he always pays attention to my well-being (if I am cold, thirsty, hungry, whatever ... he always wants to take care of it), he said a few times that I am a woman to marry, he tickles me, when he says a joke he always looks at me first to see my reaction etc. So he is really making it hard for me. I never message him first, I never say anything that would make him think that I like him, I am very careful of how I act around him, but deep down I just want to be near him too.

 

He almost split up with her twice because she was acting inappropriate in front of us, but now I noticed that she became much nicer and friendlier after that .. and not drinking so much anymore... maybe she realised she was sabotaging her RS when she was behaving like that.

 

Anyways, what should I do? I feel so uncomfortable when I go out, I can't relax anymore, I feel so much pressure... Last time I tried so hard to avoid him as much as I could when all I really wanted was to be near him. Today he invited me and another friend to a museum.. another day with him and his gf? HhMmmm, no thanks!

 

I don't know If I am completely wrong about this.... maybe he only really likes me as a friend? But my gut feeling is telling me that he likes me, not only as a friend, but then what does he expect from me?? Any thoughts?

[missmarple]

my gut feeling is telling me that he likes me, not only as a friend, but then what does he expect from me?? Any thoughts?

 

I don't think he expects anything..he just likes flirting. If he was really interested in you (as in, have a relationship with you), he would break up with his gf.