We met in person and all was well, untill she got cold feet.

[Midvalley]

I apologize for the length of this post.

 

I met my girlfriend, maybe ex girlfriend, in an online game about 4-5 months ago. We fell in love pretty quickly there were only a few problems, not only was she an older woman -_- but she was married. Now I know entering into a relationship like that is the equivalent of playing with fire. Her husband also played said game, and I got to know the both of them before revealing any feelings I had. He was an okay guy, but kind of narrow minded, I came to find that she had never loved him she only liked him as a friend but married him as a way out of an abusive household. He had been aware of the fact that she didnt love him for as long as she had known, more then half of the time they had been married.

 

She didnt leave simply for the fact that she didnt know what it meant to love someone, and if you dont know love why leave a comfortable life? Well in due time we became more then just friends, he was aware of this. As I got to know her I learned that he was sometimes abusive to her, not in the sense of violent beatings, but holding her still or slapping her at times. He'd become angry and break things in his fit, she'd leave the house and sleep in Walmart parking lots for the night *not the safest thing*. This all took place before and after my involvement.

 

Needless to say I wasnt feeling as bad about being with her, we made plans to be together, she'd come here and get an apartment, we'd both get jobs to pay our expenses including a debt she carried. But first and foremost we had to meet, and we did. It was wonderful, we were both so nervous but at the same time very comfortable, I even ended up staying the night with her at her hotel *no, no sex we just watched TV and went to sleep*. I had no greater joy then waking up beside her. From there we were almost inseperable, we would have fun doing anything or nothing. The experience only reinforced our belief in love.

 

Towards the end of the first week she started feeling homesickness, and she was afraid of money issues, her husband was telling she needed to pay for her truck and credit card debts, which was only fair. Though I think the numbers he was giving her were exhaggerated to scare her into coming home. You see, he and his mother are overbearing bible thumpers, who think if the marriage ends we all go to hell >_

In any case, we worked through the concerns and progressed nicely to making our new lives. We got the apartment and I had helped her arrange a great job for whenever she was ready. Every problem was all but solved.

 

As time went on she became more and more homesick, understandable since we hadnt moved into the aparment yet, technically she had no home here, so its only natural to miss the only one she knows. Although I would try to argue her home is simply being with me. We talked it out a few times and a number of problems to follow, clearly she was having mood swings and confused about what she was feeling.

Well she got so homesick missing her pets and lifestyle that she ended up running back to Kansas, where her husband lives. She swore up and down that she loves me and only me, still. That she has no feelings for her husband and was simply having cold feet.

I could have gotten her to return *she was driving back* so we could go about resolving this in a more appropriate way, and wouldnt you know, her cellphone dies before I get a chance and off she goes. By the time she gets it recharged shes already hours from home and decides to go through with things, I told her that it wouldnt be the same but she was too determined to be disuade. Of course the next day she tells me its not the same, and she doesnt like being there anymore, she misses me. Despite this she doesnt return here, I try to be patient but I feel betrayed by this situation. My calls are only returned late at night even though she tells me she'll speak to me during the day, ive even had her husband answer a call, which is strange considering she always has her cellphone and he tells me shes not there. Yet night comes and she has an excuse and still claims to love me and miss me, god knows it doesnt show.

 

I suppose I cant expect more then commentary on this situation, I want her to return here, considering its what both of us want it makes perfect sense to me -_-. Soon the plans we had made her will be void, the apartment and the job gone, both of which we desperatly need. Not to mention ive been pretty miserable alone.

[mscolly]

I read your story, and it seemed to be almost exactly my story too, except I'm the husband. Excluding the physical violence and the wife regularly running away, the story is almost the same.

 

I have an idea you've been used. If she really wanted out from the marriage, she didn't need an excuse. If she really wanted out, she's now got an excuse. Sorry, but being homesick for her pets and lifestyle sounds a bit lame to me. You weren't just an escape from something imperfect, but which in the end was comfortable enough to live with, a fantasy, a dream?

 

At least try to have a little patience: she's probaby feeling very confused and uncertain (I know my wife is). That isn't a good moment to take a far-reaching decision, one way or the other.

 

I'd be inclined to tell you to move on, to find a nice single girl your own age, to make your own future, and remember and treasure what you found with this woman. Set yourself a date, have patience till then, leave her alone as much as possible to let her make up her own mind. Then be prepared to move on.

[Midvalley]

Thats good advice, thanks. Theres a lot more backstory and many more events to go into, so unfortunately no advice can be perfect. I'm sorry to hear about your wife, I hope things work out for the best.