Done healing...slowly back into each others life

[GreatGuy]

Hi you all know me by now, and given the amount of people who replied or even read my previous post in healing after break up/Hi...I'm new hear and slowly healing, I want to extend my sincere gratitudes towards all of you here. To a few an Extreme THank You! (You know who you are...) .

 

Well I pretty much thought it would be appropriate to start here since although my special someone and i are not 100% back together, I can see how we're making sort of an effort to be in each others life. We've extremely become shy around each other, on the phone, even in emails. Its so childish yet very innocent and exciting at the same time. I realize that we're not back together, and that we can each date anyone else, i am still following my mantra, the selfwork that has been in progress since back in October/november. I also have been talking to other females out there...sort of scopping out the "dating" scene a bit, but deep in my heart She is the one I still get butterflies from, I still get a smile just when I think of her. Its just the way things are, I am not even trying to fight these feelings since they come so naturally. Anyway, we are working on a 1 on 1 project over the next weeks and chances are we may even get a tiny bit closer. I am not going into this with some maniacle plan to get her back...I am much more aware of myself now, i just want to let things move whichever way they want to and be true to me since afterall i will always have me to fall back on.

 

If any of you have any advice as to what i can expect please share. Again I thank you all for your support...I needed it

[sdw]

apologies for not knowing the whole story but unless you two are actually going to get back together, you need to get over her and that means not getting butterflies when you meet her, probably not contacting her until you have healed fully. If you think you can get back together with her and that's what you want then no advice is required

[GreatGuy]

apologies for not knowing the whole story but unless you two are actually going to get back together, you need to get over her and that means not getting butterflies when you meet her, probably not contacting her until you have healed fully. If you think you can get back together with her and that's what you want then no advice is required

 

No opologies required...but it could help you to read the circumstances since I think you might have misunderstood the feeling of butterflies with the need to thereforeeee "heal". My situation has been quite a strange one, and honestly noone knows the answer. Keep in mind that I have been talking to a lot of ladies... All I know is that we both get these feelings when we're in each others vicinity. Its been three months since we separated with the understanding that one had some issues to resolve, and we'd try and be friend and see where things go after those three months.. She wants to be in my life, I into her and even though I was the dumped one(lol!), i still have a great sense of dignity in my heart.

And about getting back together...like I said noone really knows anything at this point its too early to even make such a jump. We're both being cautious and really seeing each other in a new light. So I DO need advice on how to really deal with such a delicate yet very exciting thing. Its a first for me, and I just want to be me. btw, like i said our seperation was very unique, no animosity, no anger, no fights.

[Raptor]

So I DO need advice on how to really deal with such a delicate yet very exciting thing. Its a first for me, and I just want to be me. btw, like i said our seperation was very unique, no animosity, no anger, no fights.

 

Sounds like I got something similar going on.....my gf and I broke up about 2 weeks ago w/o any fighting or anything...very strange. We agreed to be friends and it is pretty clear to me now she still wants me to be a part of her life. I'm interested in seeing any advice people give here.

[GreatGuy]

So I DO need advice on how to really deal with such a delicate yet very exciting thing. Its a first for me, and I just want to be me. btw, like i said our seperation was very unique, no animosity, no anger, no fights.

 

Sounds like I got something similar going on.....my gf and I broke up about 2 weeks ago w/o any fighting or anything...very strange. We agreed to be friends and it is pretty clear to me now she still wants me to be a part of her life. I'm interested in seeing any advice people give here.

 

Exactly my feelings!!

[detox5]

I get the feeling, that having butterflies is a bad thing, from what the other dude just said, you shouldnt ignore or hold back feelings. but if your going on a date, and it looks good, then I dont see what the problem is, just do things as they come, dont think or over think just live for the present time, thats what i will do, if i get my chance, no previous thoughts of when we were together, just the fact that i LOVe to hang out with her, and i love being around her and that im really attracted to her. just go with the flo i would say, hmm i forgot what the subject of this post was, dang sorry

[lizzie]

I'm in the same position. It's been 2 years. Like your situation, he wants to remain a part of my life. We tell people we're best friends, but both know it's more and even had a talk about that at Christmas time. One difference I have is that he is in another relationship and has been since we broke up. She also manages a business he owns. I really can't figure that situation out, but just let it be. Every npw and then it all gets to me, but I'm like you.,.it's the butterfly thing. I've dated and no one else does that. I keep busy and am really enjoying life. Would I like to get back together? Absolutely. But, it's really out of my hands, I just respond to each situation as it happens. I understand where you are and agree with how you're handling it.

[GreatGuy]

I get the feeling, that having butterflies is a bad thing, from what the other dude just said, you shouldnt ignore or hold back feelings. but if your going on a date, and it looks good, then I dont see what the problem is, just do things as they come, dont think or over think just live for the present time, thats what i will do, if i get my chance, no previous thoughts of when we were together, just the fact that i LOVe to hang out with her, and i love being around her and that im really attracted to her. just go with the flo i would say, hmm i forgot what the subject of this post was, dang sorry

 

I think you're right and I will follow that idea...but just so you know we're not on a date ...just a session date. But the advice stands nonetheless.

[GreatGuy]

I'm in the same position. It's been 2 years. Like your situation, he wants to remain a part of my life. We tell people we're best friends, but both know it's more and even had a talk about that at Christmas time. One difference I have is that he is in another relationship and has been since we broke up. She also manages a business he owns. I really can't figure that situation out, but just let it be. Every npw and then it all gets to me, but I'm like you.,.it's the butterfly thing. I've dated and no one else does that. I keep busy and am really enjoying life. Would I like to get back together? Absolutely. But, it's really out of my hands, I just respond to each situation as it happens. I understand where you are and agree with how you're handling it.

 

Ah...Lizzie....your words are so refreshing to my heart. You totally understand where I am right now, and i do where you are as well. That is nice to know....maybe we can trade advices?

[GreatGuy]

Ok to I have a workshop from 10 -3pm to attend. I am not sure if she will be there but I do know that she has practice after the workshop till 6pm. AFter which she will be heading to me for the project we're completing. I hate these butterflies because contrary to what others say this isnt happening because I not able to move on with my life, nor "healed" enough to only regard her as a nobody. I know where I have come from and what kinda space I require to remain myself, There is actually nothing I can do to try and change her mind(in fact I wouldn't want to do this since that would not be sincere and Natural), we pretty much were walking to the Alter when she just ran on me with the ring in my hand so to speak. And we had connected in a deeper way before She proposed to me, which is why this is so different and weird. Now the apt we share when we're in the city (my place mostly) has our name on it and the lease is coming up in 2 months. She wants to keep sharing it and I can't bare all of the expense....so there again we're connected. So as you can see I am not doing anything to prolongue my pain, I just have to play it cool and like LIZZIE said just see where things go. I am not a desperate person....because inside and outside I know that she is the one who will be loosing big on me Its just so obvious with her track record and the stability she seeks so much. I honestly just want to work today with her and really get that project going so we can finish it. I refuse to seat here and make assumptions base on what she might or not be doing(like many here do). Its really not worth it and causes you to make False Conclusions and take things Personal when you really have nothing to do with what the other person is going through.

 

Anyway I cannot predict if I will have or not any butterflies again. I really don't care about that and what it could mean. She was gonna be my wife(everyone in our cirlce called us that...she did as well) and though this isn't what we had planned, its still something we both have to deal with and learn from. For me given what I know now..the only thing I would have done is maybe not give in to her after 4months. I should have waited till she had taken that time out her and her therapist spoke about , then see where things rolled....Instead of the big investement and having to deal with seeing where things go now. But that is all in the past in 2004, this is a new year and I have a new relationship with her. I am not even sure if I am her friend....because we're so past that, and of course I am not her Lover. So this is a chance to RECREATE a FRESHER RELATIONSHIP.

 

Now I have to go to the Workshop...wish me luck everyone! ( needed to get this off my chest fast and it feel much better now )

[lizzie]

It is hard not to think about it/her 24/7, but that is what you have to do. I think you're doing great. Of course you're nervous today. It seems in my situation the more I have going the more he is intrigued and keeps closer contact. Mine has many "excuses" to keep in contact and trust me he uses them all. Now if anyone would say to him that he is using these exxcuses to keep in contact he would deny it. Lately I have had the feeling that he has "rediscovered" a new me. I beat myself up and took responsibility for some errors in the relationship and have changed, no I don't like that word...enhanced (that is better) some things in myself. It also has made me a better and happier person.

 

I'm no kid and no dummy (ok, so maybe I'm a little bit of a dummy when it comes to relationships). It's been 2 years and everyone says to just move on, but in my heart I know this is right. I couldn't just totally leave it unless I have exhausted all chances. As long as there is a little light I can still have hope. Don't get me wrong...I don't just sit home and wait for him or dwell on it. I go-go-go.

 

Hang in there. Be yourself, be fun. And let us know how you made out!

[detox5]

I hate it when people say, ohh its been too long you should move on, I dont think thats the case, I havent seen my ex in a year, and were on taking terms. But on the same level, im not over her, but im still happy and not in them days where im down and stuff, so it doesnt matter if you havent been together 5 years or 10 years, if its in your heart go with it, but with caution.

I dont need a girl friend, I dont need affection, I dont need a woman in my life, I want my ex, there is only one her, thats why i am patient.

 

Hey great guy, sit it out, what happened next?

[detox5]

forgot to add lizzies sentance

 

"I couldn't just totally leave it unless I have exhausted all chances. As long as there is a little light I can still have hope"

[lizzie]

Detox......I think all three of us are in the same place. I'm happy and busy. I've dated, but no one really did anything for me. I don't close the door and date occasionally, but am content on my own. I have a very full life. My ex and I agree there is something we both have in each other that we get from no-one else. I'm not being stupid about the whole thing - but he is who I want. I just give it time and see where life takes it. You added a second post and quited me........what did you mean by that?

[GreatGuy]

Ok Guys/Girls, I just got back from the work project we both had to do. She looked very nice and told me she did not recognize me since I looked so different. She said I look really good too.

We got something to eat, she fed me a tiny bit while we got ready to work. I was very cool and collected..but Darned it was hard!!! Anyway the project went better than I expected and the end result was that she would like to continue it on Wednesday. We talked about what she was doing, she gave me this small gift, then said it wasnt much and she would get something better. She also told me the Christmas gift I gave her had been getting major compliments all around ...and added that I have good taste and everything I give her gets compliments as well. I said thank you and proceeded out, she offered me a ride on her way out to Long Island. She told me how she had reduced the amount of medication she used to take and that she has felt so much better lately and is happy about this new her. Then she told me about this problem she used to have which has not happened since I helped her with it. We laughed and talked about light stuff...then she kept saying how many new friends she had now in her life. SO I said taking me out of the equation, did she have a number? She was like I can't believe you don't think we can have a friendship, that the way i said it made it sound like i didn't want to have one with her while after the two of us hung out, that part had become at the least clear for her....in the least scenario. I was quite and told her that she was right, and of course I wanted to develop my our new friendship. She said that she was glad that I made that clear since at least it shows that I thought about what I said and found that not right ( even though inside there might have been a reason for making such comment). So I reassured her again...but also whispered that maybe ...I missed her . She then said I miss you too, and that whatever we call it seperation or breakup, or whatever is going on between us is and will be something new. That obviously it is clear that there are some emotions between us and we want the other in our lives, but because things were recent she did not want to rush anything yet. As I was leaving she edged over and I kissed her, then she playfully said "get out of here...".

This is all that happened plus or minus a few other things, but I gotta say she is looking and feeling a whole lot more Like the Person I had always wanted to be with, she told me not only is she cutting down on the medication, and Salt Intake, but she is also on her own cutting down her therapy sessions!!! This is so Amazing and why do you guys think she is telling me all about this??? But I am so happy beacuse not only I can feel the change in her, but I know this time she is doing it for REAL. I am not involved in any of the decisions, just her. I think with this news....I can leave happily everafter.

 

I know this is a long note...but please remember that there was so much to write. Please tell me what you think and what my next course of action will be.

[lizzie]

I think she is definitely still interested. Keep it friendly and go slow. The hard thing is that the friend phase could last for a long time. However, you can grow in the friend phase too. It's hard not to want to rush things now, but be patient. (And we ALL make mistakes about the rushing it thing. You get a good sign and it makes you so "high" you just want more)

 

I know when I reclaimed myself, as it sounds like she is doing now, it is a high in itself. Let her enjoy the new her also.

 

I think things are going fine for you. Has she seen anyone else? Have you?

 

Keep posting....

[GreatGuy]

I think she is definitely still interested. Keep it friendly and go slow. The hard thing is that the friend phase could last for a long time. However, you can grow in the friend phase too. It's hard not to want to rush things now, but be patient. (And we ALL make mistakes about the rushing it thing. You get a good sign and it makes you so "high" you just want more)

 

I know when I reclaimed myself, as it sounds like she is doing now, it is a high in itself. Let her enjoy the new her also.

 

I think things are going fine for you. Has she seen anyone else? Have you?

 

Keep posting....

 

 

I have not seen anyone...How could I...she was supposed to be my wife you know? But i have had lots of offers. Its just that I just feel something really unique with her and I am getting my life up and healthy, and doing work on me with my therapist....with the new me that is coming out.

I have not had the courage to ask her if she has/is seeing anyone else. She does keep saying that she has a lot of new friends now...and that so far she can handle all that but things will be a bit hard when she gets back to work next monday. Do you think I should ask? and if I do wouldn't make me look like I am priding in her life? Hint she hasn't asked me either...but asks me when I say I go out like "who did you go with".

You are right though, its like a totally New Her and I cannot believe this is happening so early. I should give her more time...to enjoy that new person, and myself more time to enjoy that new Me. But I do miss her alot. And although I am not as nervous as before, I just melt inside when I see her and we look at each other, or make little flirty comments. I cannot get too ahead of myself since hey nothing is promised and guaranteed.

Thank you Lizzie you're once again right!

[lizzie]

I don't think you should ask if she is seeing someone. Do your paths cross at all? If so, you'll just find out. When she asks who you are doing things with -its her way of finding out if you are with someone or not. I would be a little evasive.....maybe her stomach will do a flip flop and she'll see she has stronger feelings for you than she thought.

 

Sounds like things are working out as they should. I'm glad you're taking time for you too. I thought I was doing it right after the breakup, but it was probably close to a year when I really took myself by the shoulders and shook some sense into my head. Now I'm happy with me and all aspects of my life have improved.

 

Good luck and keep us informed

[GreatGuy]

I don't think you should ask if she is seeing someone. Do your paths cross at all? If so, you'll just find out. When she asks who you are doing things with -its her way of finding out if you are with someone or not. I would be a little evasive.....maybe her stomach will do a flip flop and she'll see she has stronger feelings for you than she thought.

 

Sounds like things are working out as they should. I'm glad you're taking time for you too. I thought I was doing it right after the breakup, but it was probably close to a year when I really took myself by the shoulders and shook some sense into my head. Now I'm happy with me and all aspects of my life have improved.

 

Good luck and keep us informed

 

You're such an inspiration since I cannot even get myself to believe what's happening. I will not ask her about her personal things. If she wants to bring it up then that's fine with me, but I am stronger than I tought and want to continue working on me. I am seeing my therapist tomorrow and I might bring her up just to see what works has to be done. And the improvements I am making without knowing it.

Yes our path cross alot, we have the same Chigong teacher, who also has a dancing company in which Ti is a part of. And when the instructor invites us, we pretty much see everyone else including her. Also we're working together on this project tomorrow. She said last night that she was very much excited about what we had begun at the studio and wanted to keep it going. I am very shy right now...and being very careful.

[lizzie]

Have you discussed your ex with your therapist?

[GreatGuy]

Have you discussed your ex with your therapist?

 

Lizzie have you followed my story from the top?? In Healing after a break up or divorce. titled " Hi i am new hear....."

 

ANyway I have and my therapist has been telling a lot of good stuff, but to be aware that no matter what If anyone comes into my life they should be like the Chery on top of the full Cake. Which has been so instrumental in the new me. But she also warned me that Ti might get even more into me as she sees the changes that are taking place.

 

Now did I also tell you that Ti's Therapist and my therapist are Brother and Sister??

[GreatGuy]

Lizzie Help!!

[GreatGuy]

Lizzie Help!!

 

 

How is everyone?? Well lost has been happening in my life with Ti and really the best advice to anyone is to keep being yourself and stay centered. Give it time and It will all work out!! 8)

[Armyguy3682003]

I am in the same situation. My ex dumped me in October and we have been friends ever since. She said that she will never loose me and I will always be in her life and I want the same. We talk on the phone and go out together, but I know its only as friends. Would I like it to be more, yes, but I know that is not going to happen. She is dating someone else, she hasnt told me, but all the signs are there. It gets to me sometimes, but I am trying to move on and get past it, cause there is nothing I can do about it. The more you or I try to stay with that special person, the more you are going to push them away. So I am trying to back off, calling less and if she wants to do something, I am trying to let her ask, and not me.

[GreatGuy]

Do you guys kiss at all right now? ...cause that is what is happening between her and I, we're in this period where its like we are meeting for the first time. I am focusing on me...and she like hanging around me. I try to stay positiv =e with everything. And let it happen.

 

I think you should try and keep the focus on you, and not show much emotions, show her how much of a good time she is having when around you. You do it by your actions from now on.