Forgiving Based on Circumstances (long)

[Glamourice]

Hi all, I really hate making decisions. I tend to overthink it, am I in this case?

 

I broke up with my boyfriend this summer and I still think about him everyday and miss him, even though we were only together for 8 months, with a break up in between. He basically disrespected me one night at a strip club with a few of the workers there and ignored me the whole night while he was paying for the workers' attention. I left a little while later after I decided I can't get over it. Also because he said he was going back there one weekend cause it's his dancer friends birthday. Whether I liked it or not. So I said screw it, plus I still couldn't get over the original issue.

 

A few weeks later he broke NC and I did take him back. He remained in touch with the "staff" from the bar via FB and text, and other issues started happening so I bailed again. The night I broke it off he did say that he's sorry for the stripper stuff and he it was just a phase, he's lonely, doesn't have a lot of friends, etc. and I have to admit I've seen him struggle with loneliness and depression. He plays sports and has roommates and I've seen others be cold to him and ignore him at parties etc. so in terms of that I do believe him. I've been there too. I'm a bit of an outcast and struggled socially, and I think that's why him and I connected in the first place. And, I was his first girlfriend.

 

Now, we all have flaws and go through phases, and alienation can cause people to do some crazy things. Nobody's perfect, and even on this very website there is a lot of information on the power of forgiveness and people starting fresh. Some of my friends say the same thing, and unfortunately even take his side and say he's a good guy deep down and everyone makes mistakes. Others say I was "hard up" for a man and still may be if I take him back.

 

Did I do the right thing? Does his potential awkwardness and inexperience change what he did?? Please let me know what's on your mind!

[Xylitol]

I think the main question is, do you enjoy his company? You should just ask him if he's willing to go exclusive with you, say that you are just a bit jealous when you see him hanging around with other woman,but that you do still like him. You simply dont want to be used or disregarded as a doormat.

[missmarple]

Does his potential awkwardness and inexperience change what he did??

 

No. He's full of excuses. Noone is justified to ignore his girlfriend while he's paying for strippers! I mean.. come on, this is basic stuff.

[Clarisse]

His words mean nothing. You forgave him once. What did his actions show you?

[Glamourice]

Yes, I do enjoy his company, and there are good points to him for sure. that's why I took him back in the first place and tried to hang in there. And I realize that this is basic stuff but I figure he's not your typical guy, and is in a unique social situation isn't he? Hence why I'm posting.

[Glamourice]

I should also add that in some ways he was absolutely perfect for me. He was athletic, liked taking me out, got along with my friends, respectful in the bedroom, social and liked being involved in events and parties. Also as his first girlfriend, he didn't have any baggage that is a huge turn off for me. That's what I'm clinging on to, in addition to his circumstances.

[Thatgenericg]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm in a similar position myself at the moment, how is your friend situation? A lot of people ask me "if you had better friends, would you still stay with him?"

[Glamourice]

I'm not too sure what you're asking. Are you asking if we have the ability to be friends?