How will guys act if they are into you ?

[fallen]

Ugh who am I kidding...I still want him.

[fallen]

OK, my final conclusions on this, and I'm not going to b*tch any more about it, or do any more naval gazing. Seriously.

 

I just looked at his website; the new issue of his magazine came out. He's an editor & founder of a literary magazine and I read some of his articles, and realized that whatever was between us was just mind-games and trivial, and ultimately nothing more than perhaps a minimalist form of friendship. In one of his articles he writes about meeting a musician of a band, and his trip with them to his home town, and I really got a closer glimpse of him... he's a very, very deep person. Very introverted, and somewhat quirky, yet he's able to appear a bit normal because he's a national Varsity athlete and so, by all typical college standards, he's "cool." But he mentioned that on his trip there, he was stung by some old emotional scabs that hadn't yet quite healed...I think the thing that attracts me about him is that he's very smart (pursuing a graduate degree), and somewhat aloof...there's just very few people like him. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand him. But I can acknowledge that we're in completely different walks of life. He's 25, living on his own, has had many past relationships (I've only been in one serious relationship), and thus couldn't really be interested in me. I think he just wanted us to be on good footing, and that's why he smiled and waved whenever he saw me, possibly as a way of apologizing for ignoring me before. But my message that he probably interpreted quite clearly, was that I didn't need him to do any favors for me. I forgave him and that was that...

 

So in any case, I'm glad I read his articles. I don't think he was ever really interested in me, to be honest. I think he respected me, because he's read some of my stuff and thinks I'm a reflective person, and likes that side of me. But there was no real romantic interest to begin with. I'm glad I saw that, and there's really not much more to be said.

 

fallen

[hecka_bekah]

I thought it was weird that you saw him after you posted that message! Life's funny like that. I see where you're coming from. You admire him from afar and think he's perfect in a sense. I once felt that way about someone. What attracted me to him was my perception of him being intelligent, deep and mistunderstood. I went through so many mind games with him and now I ask myself what I ever saw in him. The guys who seem to be mysterious are most likely very insecure with themselves. This may seem very attractive at first, but it's very unattractive!

 

I'm not saying this guy might end up being that way since you don't know him. I'm just saying that sometimes when you think you like someone, you don't really like them, but only an idea of who they might be like in your head. Now I really respect and pay more attention to honest guys that show what they are all about so I don't have to play all those mind games! They're such a rare find!

[June4life]

Any guy that I have ever dated is extremely shy towards me. Like I have to make the first move per say. And once I open up to them and show that I am interested, then they usually do the same!

[fallen]

"I'm not saying this guy might end up being that way since you don't know him. I'm just saying that sometimes when you think you like someone, you don't really like them, but only an idea of who they might be like in your head."

 

This is really true, thanks for your response. I don't even know him that well; I just like the fact that he's mysterious & appears hard-to-get I guess. I'm for some reason usually attracted to the guys that are hot & give off the impression that they're so cool they don't even want you, I guess. He's definitely like that...to the extent that I'm pretty sure he really doesn't want me. And even if he does, I'm not going to keep playing these games. Hell, I'm single, good-looking, smart and confident, I can get better guys that are honest & straight-forward with me. I gave him my number back in (June?) and he hasn't called me once. If he were interested, he would've called, that's that. I'm not going to keep pining after him.

 

Thanks again for the advice, and I'm over this guy! =)

[Your_Own_Disaster]

Now I really respect and pay more attention to honest guys that show what they are all about so I don't have to play all those mind games! They're such a rare find!

 

this i dont understand, what do you mean exactly??

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

and 'Fallen' if your attracted to him, just talk to him, u might like him, and if u dont like him in that way, hes always there as a friend.

 

hope that helped, probobly not thought!!

[hecka_bekah]

Oh I used to really like this guy who seemed mysterious to me and then it actually took me awhile to really get to know him since he was acting like someone he thought I might want to see, which wasn't really who he was. I played so many mind games with him and now that I know him he's completely different than I thought he was. Or should I say that I finally saw him in a different light, which was something I really wasn't attracted to in the first place. After that I realized how much I value honesty. And if a guy really likes you he'll at least be honest in his actions like calling you, etc. But you can tell if a guy's not that interested if he's not really moving forward with your friendship and just playing mind games with you. Does this make more sense?

[MetallicAguy]

The easiest sign to look out for I think is corner of the eye glances, direct eye contact, muscle tension(like if they're all wired up around you), dilation of pupils (if the rooms light is dimmed), trying to get to know you, asking open-end questions, asking to hang out, calling a lot of just moderate calling (it all depends on the phone conversations really). Basically if we're really into your physical appearance we will stare at you a lot. It's not that we're in a bad mood or psycho lol. I read an article that said that (coming from a woman's point of view) that she thought guys had a bad day and we're just pissed off and stared at her for no reason. lol. Anyway, if the guy had some guts, he'd talk to you (come over there and talk to you), and would look into your eyes like he just won a billion bucks(in other words lol, deep interest gazes).

[fallen]

Thanks, I'll consider that for the future. meh, he did some of those things, especially the deep eye gazes that lasted about 10 secs & his pupils were dilated...the first time we met there was definite muscle & sexual tension, etc. but at the same time, flirting doesn't always = interest. Just because you 'like' someone, doesn't mean you necessarily want to go out with them. I think the case is that he liked me, but because of the age difference and other reasons (I think he was in a relationship at the time or just getting out of one), the timing wasn't right. However, if he's single I expect he would show a bit more interest, and not just want to talk to me if we casually bump into each other every 6 months. If you truly like someone, you will want to get to know them, like put a bit more effort into it. That's my thoughts anyway. I e-mailed him and took some effort to get to know him, but if he's not going to reciprocate that interest, then it's time to move on.

[eagles04]

eye glances and direct eye contact sometimes means that the boy likes you. i get this alot ; they do this and then when i make a move like asking them if they do like me they say that they dont because i dont look attractive to them but i can tell that they do. when i tell them that i like them they are afaid and dont know what to do about it.

[fallen]

eagles04, that's pretty weird... but I got that sometimes in the past as well. The problem was that the guy was already in a relationship. The same thing with that guy I liked & I think he liked me back...

 

But I can *proudly* say that I am over that last guy!! =) I haven't seen him for a few months and actually forgot about him... I'm sorta interested in another guy now although I'm not sure it'll work out. He seems to be somewhat interested in me but I'm not really sure in what way. He's a grad student and he said he had a "vested interest" in me. I asked why, and he was just like "I have a personal interest in you..." I'm not sure if it's because he wants to make sure I get into grad school though, and wants to make sure I do well in school or if it's something more though. I Or both. I should also mention that he was my TA last semester (teaching assistant) although we got along really well regardless... like I'd call him up at 1:00 a.m. to talk about stuff, we were pretty close. But he's also sorta crazy/eccentric, so it's a bit hard to understand him or his motives...

[Lily04]

It sounds like he might be attracted to you, fallen! Although there's not enough info. to really say yet. Just keep in touch with him. Perhaps call him up for exam studying or something.

[MetallicAguy]

He does like you. He's just a shy guy like myself. Sounds like something I'd do lol. Don't worry about the hidden motives crap. He likes you, that's all you need to know about, don't worry about the whole cold shoulder not giving any positive signs. Most shy guys don't want to be open with women we don't know that well, unless we get the balls finally to open up to you after a period of time.

[fallen]

heh, thanks MetallicAgency, but he's actually the complete *opposite* of shy, so that's why I'm a bit confused... he's very extroverted, and pretty eccentric so that's why I thought he might just be playing with me for fun...

 

But he could be a bit shy about telling me directly because he was my TA, and it could be awkward if we started dating now... it's probably technically allowed since he's not teaching me anymore, but the whole age thing... he's probably around 27 and I'm 20. But he treats me like I'm an equal, along with other people in the department. Actually before I bumped into him in the polisci department, I was teasing one of my profs, just joking and then I started talking with him & he was like "how come I never see you around here..." and then he sorta realized and was like "oh yeah..." (because I'm still an undergrad, and only grad students have classes in that building.) So I think he thinks I'm mature, etc. I just don't know if he's attracted to me in that way I guess, or if he just likes me as a student?

[Caldus]

Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. Who knows. Just don't think about it too much, LOL.

[fallen]

haha, ok that shouldn't be too hard... I'm not really into him anyway actually, just wondering if he liked me. I'm not really interested in being in a relationship right now in any case, it's not a great time... too many things happening now. I expect if anything will develop between me and a guy it'll be over time from being friends/acquaintances first anyway, as that's how I usually like things to happen. But even if someone asked me out now that I liked, I would probably say no just because it's not the right time... perhaps in a few months/years though.

[greenie35]

Ugh who am I kidding...I still want him.

 

you're cute

 

...you sound like me

[greenie35]

Lemme ask your advice since this seems to be the place to find out what all those signs and signals mean. This guy I work with has been staring at me for months and he doesnt smile (once he smiled when I said hi to him and he said hi back) or talk or anythign just stares like he wants me to know he's staring. I am completely attracted to him, but I turn to mush whenever i am around him. SO about 2 weeks ago I had to walk past him and as usual I frantically tried to figure out how to rearrange my face so as not to look like a complete idiot. I realized at the exact moment we were going to pass that I had forgotten to put my hairnet (yes we have to wear hairnets it's requierd where we work) I looked up at him as I passed and said "forgot my hat" and popped it on my head. I felt so stupid...This lady I work with called me over to her...she knows about this crush I have and she tells me about how she sees him staring at me all the time ( I notice too)_...she said you won't believe the face he made after I had passed...she mimic'd it...he kind of shook his head and looked down...no smile...just kind of shook his head...what the hell is that supposed to mean. She said the way he did it was cute, but I don't really trust her opinoin she's kind of wacky. I dunno though...I thought I acted pretty lame.

[fallen]

Greenie I think you're thinking waaaaaaay too much. He is a jerk if he doesn't like you because you forgot to wear your hairnet. He probably didn't even care, maybe he just made a face because you looked so flabbergasted about it, hehe. What I would seriously suggest is that you get up the nerve to talk to him, just ask how his day is, comment on a customer, the sandwhiches, the lack of customers, etc. Anything! Ask him how his weekend went, just be friendly. Stares are ok, but aren't the basis of a relationship -- you have to get to know him first, and decide if you like him or not.

 

Hope that helped. Remember -- talk to him, and let us know how it goes!

 

- Fallen

[greenie35]

It's a factory that I work at...and it is loud and he has an important job there that keeps him very busy. The stares were blatant...they couldn't be more blatant. This guy is in a band and I am pretty sure he knows how hot he is. I think he's just looking to add a little excitement to the work place (ego boost perhaps) by getting me all worked up with his stares. I do know through word of mouth that he has a girlfriend. Two people have said she looks like me. I saw her at the work x-mas party and I guess she sort of does. This made me think he was staring at me for that reason. Oh well...I obsess less about it these days. He still stares but I'm too much of a coward to talk to him. Apparently--I heard this from a friend of a friend --he might be breaking up with her and looking to move to Chicago to play music with his band so none of it really matters I guess. It is for this reason I don't go out of my way to talk to him---although there was a point in time where I was really working up the courage to do just that...it failed miserably. I said the same things you did Fallen...the band he is in doesnt really play the kind of music I am into--and I think we are just from two different worlds all together...but I still want him. I don't think I could handle a relationship right now being that I just ended one, but it's nice to know I'm wanted...ya know? oh well.

[fallen]

Greenie,

 

Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I can relate to that a lot. =) The funny thing is that the guy I liked before (the one was obsessed over for a few months actually), is an editor & co-founder of this music magazine, that's mostly related to punk/rock music. He's soo hot as well, but really distant. I'm sure there's lots of girls that would go for him. But I'm over him now, so that's good.

 

The other guy (my TA) I think was flirting a bit with me for an ego boost as well, he's just that type. I don't think he's seriously interested in me, and I think he's moving to the States next year to be a Whitehouse consultant so it's not like it would ever lead anywhere... I can't imagine he'd be interested in me, so I'm not going to let him think I'm interested in him, as that's probably what he wants me to feel. And it *is* nice to know you're wanted, so don't feel bad about that, it's natural.

 

Don't worry, the attraction will eventually subside... it may take a while though. That first crush I described took waay too long to get over.... but at least I'm over him now. =)

[MetallicAguy]

Well, if he stares at you A LOT greenie then obviously. I'll tell ya girls a secret, well it really isn't a secret now lol. Guys that won't display any body language other than a few "positive" signs. Like the most obvious is the staring. Especially if it's like at least 2-3 times a day. Or if he finally breaks out of his shyness and just talks to you one day, then yeah he does like ya.

 

 

**Oh yeah, what are some body language signs that girls do when they around a guy they like?

[Caldus]

Hmm, weird, because whenever I really like a girl I tend to be more shy around her. I do eventually talk to them though. I may not smile or whatever because I am nervous at first. Basically, if the guy acts different than usual around you compared to other people then chances are he's interested. At least that applies to me.

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah, Caldus puts it from a shy guys perspective. I'm a bit shy though. So certain days, I will like avoid her(Not show my body language, I will be closed gestures and stuff). But usually if the guy likes you enough he will work up the strength to talk to you. But if he does like you, most likely it won't be any time soon. What I think is, if you get the vibe he WANTS to make sure you know he's looking at you, he probably wants you to make the first move because he can't and has no guts and is too lazy lol.

 

 

***What are signs girls display that their interested when their around you?

[greenie35]

HA!..yes...it is all becoming so clear. So you guys, fess up. Do you ever string girls along just for the ego boost, with no other intentions??

 

Before I met my ex I was very outgoing and talked to a lot of people guys and girls. I wasn't shy and was pretty confident for the most part. I had a lot of guys ask me out then. My boyfriend and I just split up and now I'm working on getting back to where I was. These days I am usually really tense around guys I'm attracted to. I touch my face play with my hair...look at him for a second and as soon as I see him looking at me I look away. I have a hard time hiding me feelings. If I am uncomfortable I tense up and I know that it is obvious. I can't help it!!!