Contact

[larthur1]

Is it normal to want to contact your ex 7 months post BU after 5 years together?

 

I still have this urge you know, just to ring her or email her. I had a really lucid dream last night that I ‘connected’ with her. Like I knew I was reaching her somehow. It was really odd, not just because I was lucid dreaming. I am a great believer in dreams and I know this was a meaningful one.

 

I have little thoughts all the time, moments from our past that make me lol and I wish I could just send her a message to share it with her. And I know what everyone is going to say, NC is best. I also sent her a ‘final’ message over a month ago just saying I don’t blame her (most of the time ha!) and that she should do what makes her happy and that I wanted to bow out gracefully (after months of emotional messaging Most of the time the urge is also quelled because she is in a relationship with someone else (2 weeks after BU), which I of course dont like or agree with. The thought of it alone makes me feel sick how she could replace me and what we shared that fast.

 

I guess if she ever wanted to talk to me she would, its also not for me to initiate contact as she broke us up and made the mistake...Miss my little boy a lot at the moment as well. Catch myself using my silly voice I used to talk to him in. I miss cuddling him and playing with him. He never knew I wasn't coming back that day, I didn't either. I always believed she would see the mistake she was making by breaking up our home and little family. Sad times.

 

Sometimes I wish she read these...I guess I just thought we had something special and at times I believed she loved me more than I did her.

[CraigHowes]

Hi Lathur, thought i recognised the name and have looked through your old posts.

 

I don't know what else to add it's been 7months you need to forgive yourself let go and move on with your life.

 

Life is too short to waste your energy on someone who doesn't want you and is with someone else.

 

Delete any little crumb of information you could possibly have about her and what she's doing. It's time to focus on what your doing and what you want not her.

 

Look we all go through this journey in life. People will come and go and things don't go to plan. It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it!

 

Find that inner strength and rise & grind this is your life and you control which direction it goes. You can either pine over lost love or you can go I'm better than this, this isn't the end of me.

 

All it takes is one small step and your world will start to change. Take that step and let it go so you can move forward.

[larthur1]

Thanks for the post Craig.

 

Thats the thing I am moving forward. I have no contact with her what so ever. Nothing, nada. She could live on the moon now for all I know. New job, new friends, new life. Holiday skiing, travel to Nepal/Everest base camp booked, I've been on dates and taken out other women and even 'moved on' (lol I go out all the time, improved my self image (lots of clothes! always been in good shape, couldn't change that). Still miss my little dog though and want to talk to her, event though all the stuff you pointed out is spot on. Just thought that urge would disappear.

 

Someone asked me what my Christmas wish would be today...all I want is to see my little dog again but I can't.

[Clinton]

Normal yes, a good idea no. You already sent her a last goodbye email, let that be the end. Time to ove on for real and heal, she's not coming back.

 

It's hard and it takes time to heal. But first you must accept the breakup and give up hope of reconciliation. Craig has given you good advice. Hang in you'll get there, just not as quickly as you'd like

[larthur1]

Normal yes, a good idea no. You already sent her a last goodbye email, let that be the end. Time to ove on for real and heal, she's not coming back.

 

It's hard and it takes time to heal. But first you must accept the breakup and give up hope of reconciliation. Craig has given you good advice. Hang in you'll get there, just not as quickly as you'd like

 

I don't want reconciliation, she obviously isn't the one. Her actions have shown that. I guess I'm still just mourning the nice bits that meant a lot to me.

 

Thanks for your post.

[overthemoon86]

I agree with everyone here on this thread...it is of course very normal to want to reach out and contact someone that you had a relationship with 5 years and shared a lot with...even after 7 months, but it is certainly not a good idea. In fact, you already "contacted" her by sending a goodbye email. If she didn't respond to that...and I am assuming you want some type of reconciliation (even though you say you don't) or else you would not want to contact her. You need to be honest with yourself.

 

I suggest you focus your energy on yourself and find your own ways to make you happy. Don't go seeking closure somewhere else, you can only create that yourself. Best of luck!