What's wrong with me?!

[wondering731]

I'm back here again for the same reason. Why can't I get over it? In summary, I became close friends with my superior (we weren't working together then). Couldn't date for religious reasons, but really enjoyed each others company. Hung out and spoke endlessly. I ended up being a big jerk to her and except for work related topics I endured a painful silent treatment from her (started at the end of the summer). This forum pretty much told me I'm insensitive and stupid and to leave her alone because it's over.

 

To get my mind off of it, I've tried going out and maintaining as much NC as I can to heal (and we weren't even going out!). I even told myself I got over it, but honestly nothing has felt the same since she cut me off personally.

 

Recently I get a text+selfie from her at 1:30 am that she was still working at the place we work at and poked fun at me. It really put me in a bad place. The only way I interpreted it was that I have been very distant and cold to her and our co-workers might have questioned her about it and now she is what I feel "adjusting" my behavior towards her in order to relieve the questioning. This is speculation, but she's very calculated with her actions and is not a forgiving person (she shared her painful past and how she dealt with it which is why I'm making this assumption).

 

Why am I looking into any of this?!?! I don't know. Why do I let it effect me? I don't know. Even breakups with long-term gfs haven't been even half as bad as this. Leaving this place would set me far back career wise. What is wrong with me and what do I do?! (at the moment, I don't have time for therapy, but am looking into it when I have the opportunity).

[BentGattling]

I'm gonna say the real reason, without evening knowing her or your situation, that she sent the selfie was that she misses the attention. One side effect of NC is that it causes the other person to be drawn torward you. Attraction grows in space. Hanging out and speaking endlessly big mistake without dating. Don't give your bank away.

 

You are still in the game but just know that with women, and this is a horrible generalization and not always true of course but I'm gonna say it anyway, its always personal, they cannot separate work from non-work so fraternizing with a superior may be a bad career move at this place if you care about such things.

[BentGattling]

Also religious barriers can easily be surmounted at least temporarily, the more static the defense the harder the fall.

[wondering731]

I'm gonna say the real reason, without evening knowing her or your situation, that she sent the selfie was that she misses the attention. One side effect of NC is that it causes the other person to be drawn torward you. Attraction grows in space. Hanging out and speaking endlessly big mistake without dating. Don't give your bank away.

 

You are still in the game but just know that with women, and this is a horrible generalization and not always true of course but I'm gonna say it anyway, its always personal, they cannot separate work from non-work so fraternizing with a superior may be a bad career move at this place if you care about such things.

 

It's not a question of being in the game or not. There's no game anyways because A)she's my superior B)I tried sending her something she would normally find funny in response to her selfie and she responded 12 hrs later that she has no time for jokes, which leads me to believe that she was either really bored then or she's trying to be more friendly for some reason but it's very painful for her (reminds me of how big of a jerk I was).

 

The real question is what do I do with myself and why am I so caught up on someone I didn't even have more than a friendship with?

[Clinton]

Until you accept that there is no future there you'll remain in limbo.

 

Stop analysing everything. There's no need. She's not into you. You run a real risk of jeopardizing your job if you keep this up.

 

It's a work relationship, keep it as such. No outside contact and cut off all social media.

[BentGattling]

Rejection is trauma that's why. Make friends with it and stop taking life so seriously and you'll accelerate the healing. Gotta have a short memory to be a closer or a QB. (take your pick of sports metaphors)

[wondering731]

Until you accept that there is no future there you'll remain in limbo.

 

Stop analysing everything. There's no need. She's not into you. You run a real risk of jeopardizing your job if you keep this up.

 

It's a work relationship, keep it as such. No outside contact and cut off all social media.

 

What do you mean by if I "keep this up"?... I've only been responding to her if she initiates... should I initiate conversation at work events? Do I ignore her if she texts me? I don't fully understand

[wondering731]

Rejection is trauma that's why. Make friends with it and stop taking life so seriously and you'll accelerate the healing. Gotta have a short memory to be a closer or a QB. (take your pick of sports metaphors)

 

Amen... I've had that mentality when it came to dating and relationships and it's served me well... Not sure why I can't apply it here...

[Clinton]

What do you mean by if I "keep this up"?... I've only been responding to her if she initiates... should I initiate conversation at work events? Do I ignore her if she texts me? I don't fully understand

 

You're responding to texts she's sending at 1:30 in.the morning. That doesn't sound like a business relationship to me.

 

Keep it strictly on a business level. Polite, cordial, and that's it. From what I've read of your posts this has been going on for a while now. What happens if she files harassment charges against you? You've given her enough ammo.

 

A rule of thumb is you don't crap where you eat. Yes, some work relationships work out but an awful lot end up making life miserable and uncomfortable. You've crossed the line and need to try and re establish some semblance of a normal work relationship with her.

[wondering731]

You're responding to texts she's sending at 1:30 in.the morning. That doesn't sound like a business relationship to me.

 

Keep it strictly on a business level. Polite, cordial, and that's it. From what I've read of your posts this has been going on for a while now. What happens if she files harassment charges against you? You've given her enough ammo.

 

A rule of thumb is you don't crap where you eat. Yes, some work relationships work out but an awful lot end up making life miserable and uncomfortable. You've crossed the line and need to try and re establish some semblance of a normal work relationship with her.

 

Not sure what you mean regarding ammo. The hand holding was done after I left the first job where she was. She then joined the new place I'm in after she cut contact. You're right .. things are uncomfortable but I would be crippling my career going elsewhere right now.

 

I am as polite and cordial as possible but its really hard to initiate greetings or conversation when I see her (probably because if she ignored me it would be painful) so I just allow her to initiate and respond.