counsellor gave up on me

[Finchabald]

i went for the appointment with my counsellor today and she knew i didnt want to stop cuttin and has run out of ideas to hlp so has given up on me and didn't arrange another appointment. i think this is a good thing but im unsure wots guna happen now.

[Howtocope]

You can only be helped if you want to be helped.

[Caldus]

That's a very good point. It's hard for anyone to help you if you aren't even motivated to get help. If you want to get through this, then you need to cooperate with the counselor. The only person who can truly help us is ourselves.

[scaryperson]

I know it must be very bad for you, you need to look at the problems that are causing you to want to self harm, and decide if it's actually worth it

 

I also wouldn't suggest cutting yourself for another reason, here in the UK, you have absolutely no priority in hospitals, if you were bleeding to death, they would have to even treat scratchs before you, and even then, they could still turn you away if they wanted to, as long as they know you're a self harmer.

 

Could you find another counsellor?

[Finchabald]

i think u are actually incorrect about the hospitals turning down slef harmers and suicide attempts. i know. ive been there. they know u hav mental problems which are causing u to do this stuff and will treat u for it. they will not simly let ppl die in there waitin rooms if they can treat them.

[hockeyboy]

perhaps you could explain what you think cutting accomplishes?

 

whatever it is..dont you think something could replace that?

[scaryperson]

My friends have been there too, and the doctors do have every right to turn you down, i know it's harsh, but they can, and will if necessery.

 

All i'm trying to say is it wont accomplish anything if you try and destroy your life this way, it will only lead to even more bad things, and i think you should try to stop the destruction while you still have control over it

[shuntaro603]

You can only be helped if you want to be helped.

I totally agree. Great point.

[BellaDonna]

You have to keep in mind that counselors are human too. Even though they are supposed to be "objective"...they have feelings and can become affected by their clients. This counselor probably wished so badly that she could help you. She probably used every strategy she ever learned to try to get you to stop hurting yourself. After all resources she knew of were expended, she probably started to take it personally, thinking maybe she was not a good counselor and maybe she started feeling hopeless and getting emotionally affected by knowing you were still hurting yourself and she could not do anything to stop it. At that point is when she probably decided it would be best to end the counselor-client relationship. She realized she could not help you.

 

It probably is for the best that you no longer look to her for assistance. Maybe you can find a "tougher" counselor with more expertise in self-injury. If you do not have a good connection with a counselor then you're not going to consider his/her advice. Perhaps you can find a counselor that understands you better. The only way to do that is through trial and error. I suggest tryign to find another counselor ASAP.

 

Also, I do agree with the others that you also have to WANT to change. You can't help someone who does not want to help himself- no matter what you do. Now I can tell that you must want to help yourself at least a little, because you are posting your situation here for advice, but you have to take the desire to get better and translate it into bigger actions. How can you actively work toward recovery? I think step 1 is identifying to the best of your ability, WHY you feel the urge to do this to yourself and, more importantly, why you let yourself act on that destructive urge, yet you choose not act on the urge to get better. I'm sure you are inflicting physical pain and punishment on yourself as the result of emotional "cuts" that are more painful than anything physical could ever amount to. What is hurting you so much inside? What can you do to express that hurt without taking it out on your physical body?

 

Keep in mind that although this counselor may indeed have given up on you, you are also giving up on yourself and devauling your own being, every time you cut yourself. So while it's disheartening that you feel the counselor "gave up on you"....that is not the real problem at hand....it's you giving up on yourself....which I think is so unfortunate. At your age, you are only beginning to experience life- and you could really embrace life and enjoy it's wonderful opprotunities, if you gave yourself the chance.....instead of giving up on yourself. You can be your own best friend, or your own worst enemy. No counselor, no matter how great, can be your friend and help you without you becoming your own friend. This is not an attmept to put any blame on you, but just an attempt to get you to consider that change and help have to start from within.

 

Wishing you all the best,

 

BellaDonna

[Finchabald]

i think i'l find it hard finding a councellor more experienced in self-injury since mine was one of the best in the country. i dont evan want one anyway.

[EmptySoul]

Hi. If your conselor gave up on you already, that's very wrong. I still go to counseling, I've been to 2 different women, and I still am not sure what I want. I don't know if I want happiness, if I want my depression, if I want to quit cutting or not. I still don't know, but I'm still going. You need to find someone else to see, if that is what you want. Even if you're not sure of anything right now, they can at least be there to listen and give their perspective on what you're saying.

 

Empty

[Opheliaccs]

I'm I the only one here who think this counsellor is a horrible, horrible person who should be sued or something?

I mean, I think that if you were going to her thaen that`s a sign that you wanted help, but cutting can be very addicting and you just can`t give up a person like that, if she felt she wasn`t up to the task, or that maybe you weren't opening up to her advice she could have recommended a coleague, or something! You just don't say thanks, but no thanks, much less to a person who is depressed.

If my therapist told me to sod off and decided not to give me another appointment I would be very very hurt, because, ok, so she`s a stranger, and she`s nice, but we`re not exactly touchy feely in our sessions, but it's a professional who went to college several years just to know what to say, to learn how to help me and if someone so well prepared declared herself unable to help me, then who could?

 

If there are any psycologists, counsellors, etc, reading this I hope you don't agree with that person, because quitting just means that s/he is incompetent at her/his job, if you haven't stopped your cutting it's probably cause she hasn't been able to find the source of your pain or something, but you just keep on trying all the options and then some more.