Is This Harassment?

[tiger_lilies]

I walk to work every morning and admit to not living in the best part of town. I am always on guard and am always aware of the people around me as I walk. I never wear my head phones for fear of being mugged one day.....

 

This happens to me on somewhat of a regular basis where some loser will make comments to me as they pass me. The comments are obviously not genuine or sincere. I just don't understand where some men think that they can say something to a total stranger as they walk by them? Even if it's a "hello"...it's not a genuine hello...it's a perverted hello.

 

What is the purpose of the whistling? The hoots and hollers?

 

Is it because I am a single female walking alone and they feel dominant by making perverted comments? I feel disgusted when this happens and half the time I will say something defensive back.

 

I certainly feel like I'm being harassed. Any comments from the good people of the forum?

[drahcir]

"I walk to work every morning and admit to not living in the best part of town."

--hey i also live in Vancouver and I know the bad areas (New West, Hastings, Surrey)...why don't you move to RIchmond?...its much safer there (and people are more normal)...its where I live......

 

"I am always on guard and am always aware of the people around me as I walk. "

--living in fear is very harmful....all you can do is do the best you can protect yourself, but not live in fear forever.....maybe ask a friend or co-worker to walk with you..i am sure that there are others who work on your route who feel the same way...maybe you could walk with them...

 

 

"This happens to me on somewhat of a regular basis where some loser will make comments to me as they pass me. The comments are obviously not genuine or sincere."

--what exactly do these "losers" say? How do you know the comments are not genuine or sincere?

 

I just don't understand where some men think that they can say something to a total stranger as they walk by them? Even if it's a "hello"...it's not a genuine hello...it's a perverted hello.

-----maybe some of them are just being friendly........maybe some of the men are lonely

 

What is the purpose of the whistling? The hoots and hollers?

----i don't know.....i only whistle when i am in a good mood and by myself.....

 

 

Is it because I am a single female walking alone and they feel dominant by making perverted comments?

---what exactly do they say? some people are just drunk and say perverted things to anyone. ONe time i was on the beach on the west end and some drunk guys were following me and they were whistling and saying they liked the way my bum looked (i don't think they were gay...just drunk)

 

I feel disgusted when this happens and half the time I will say something defensive back.

----what do you say to them? How do they react

 

I certainly feel like I'm being harassed.

---if you are being harassed by the same person repeatedly and they won't stop even after you told them to, you can take legal action....

[sisterlynch]

Since they are people that you don't know, I would ignore them and their comments the best that you can. Don't wear clothing that sets you up to look too different from those that you are passing on the street.

 

Here is a comment, my husband and I went to a concert, and he had on a leather jacket and we were standing outside the music hall which was in a poor section of San Francisco, and a homeless woman actually propositioned him to come and spend some time with her, which he was unwilling to do.

 

A few weeks later, he had on a hiking jacket of his dads and we walked thru neighborhoods with many homeless people to get back to our hotel, and nobody said a word to us.

 

Just be aware of others and if they say anything to you, ignore it. You don't have to be polite to strangers, but if you say anything to them, they may see it as a sign of encouragement.

[BellaDonna]

tiger_lilies,

 

I know what you mean when you say you feel disgusted by calling out, hooting, and unwarranted comments. Although those types of things tend to occur in parts of town that are not "the best"....they also can happen anywhere, like in a bar or a rich neighborhood too. It all has to do with respect and the way people think they can approach women (or people in general). This happens to me often if I have to go a meeting downtown for work. I'll park in a parking garage and walk- and at least 3 or 4 people will make some kind of comment, whistle, or annoying gesture. INGORING is really the best thing you can do. Don't even make eye contact. Walk with your head held high at a steady, confident pace and leave them in the dust.

 

If it REALLY bothers you and you think headphones would work: How about putting the headphones on without putting the music on....that way you have a "prop" which makes it look like you can't hear them so maybe they won't bother making noises when you pass- but you'll still be safe by being able to hear everything. They are trying to get attention, and NOT giving it to them is the best way to go. If you respond- even if it's in an angry manner- it gives them the attention they are looking for.

 

I do believe it can feel like harassment but you can be better than them and make them feel foolish my ignoring them.

 

-BellaDonna

[tiger_lilies]

Thanks for the suggestions guys. The comments made towards me are usually sexual. And the people making them are basically crack heads or very scummy looking type people. Some of them are crack dealers that hang out waiting for customers on corners.

 

I usually ignore their comments, depending on my mood, sometimes I will tell them to F*** Off! I will say this in a pissed off manner. I hate being made a victim.

 

I understand what sisterlynch is saying about the outward apperance making me look more like a victim...I work in a professional office in downtown Vancouver and I have to dress appropriately for work. So, I'm not dressed in casual clothes as I walk to work. Perhaps that's what's bringing on these unwanted comments.

 

I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm being harassed. But can this even be called harassement? Or am I just being too sensitive?

[abcd1234]

Most of these people have nothing better to do than make shallow or degrading comments towards others, i think its best if you just ignore them, dont answer back because it really only provokes them to continue (those guys would probably see it as a sort of challenge). I dont know if its to do with feeling dominant or if its just an ego boost for them, whatever it is, dont let it get to you.

 

If possible, take a route to work which you feel is safer, if that isnt possible then you could maybe get a lift from a friend, take the bus or leave home earlier. You are doing the right thing by not wearing your headphones, this should also apply to any jewellery and mobile phones.

[BellaDonna]

tiger_lilies,

 

Now that you've mentioned that the people doing this are actually criminals- then I would also advise against wearing headphones- even as a prop. I would carry mase hidden in your pocket.

 

I think it's best if you do not respond to them at all. Even though you want to tell them off- it is only feeding into their desire to get attention from you. Also, since they are substance abusers, you don't want to start an altrication with them. They could get physical if you verbally yell back. You don't know what they are on, or if they have violent tendencies.

 

Just remember- you are going to work and they are the ones rotting away on the street. You are the better person. Nothing they can say can take away your self-worth. Igonore their stupid, rude behavior.

 

If it really startes getting bad, you may want to call the police and see if they can put an officer on foot patrol in the area. There is an area in my state that is very dangerous- and as a result- they have 2 officers patrolling the area on foot where the bus stop is to "keep the peace". However, if you do this, be sure there's no way they can find out that you were the one who called the police..... because that can start more problems.

 

BellaDonna

[Stari]

What is the purpose of the whistling? The hoots and hollers?

They cannot sink much lower. What is eating them away is that they know it.

[sisterlynch]

They are whistling to get a rise out of her, right?

 

Maybe this is giving up too much, but I think that a plain trench coat to walk to work in would help her feel less conscious of herself, which in turn would allow her to be more in control of her reactions to the outside comments...do others agree?? She could even bring office shoes with her to work so that she is less obvious on the streets...

[tiger_lilies]

Yes, ignoring them seems to be the only way to go. I am just frustrated about this because because it's almost on a daily basis.

 

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I have tried almost everything everyone's suggested. I believe that I have good common sense when it comes to being street smart, such as not talking on my cell phone openly, not looking at them in the eye as I pass them. I will even cross the street just so that I can avoid them and put some distance between us so as to not provok their comments.

 

I wish I could come up with something witty to say when they make such comments. Something that will put them in their place. But I understand that by saying anything I would just be encouraging them.

 

It doesn't help that my office building is smack next door to a halfway house either. I purposely walk on the other side of the street to avoid the whistles and comments. A number of girls in my office have also been harassed too!

 

Police officers do patrol the area, but honestly, the drug dealings are so open here that many times the police don't do anything about it.

[abcd1234]

Sound like a nasty area. As suggested above, carrying mace may make you feel a bit safer and could come in useful if things were to ever get out of hand. If you dont feel comfortable with carrying it then perhaps something like a whistle (to attract attention) would be the next best thing.

[BellaDonna]

I wish I could come up with something witty to say when they make such comments. Something that will put them in their place.

 

Keep in mind that you're assuming they'd have the intelligence to understand or appreciate a witty comment. However, they are really STUPID (they've made that very clear by their behavior) so there's probably nothing you could say that would have any effect on their numb brains...... Which is why ignoring is the best method. When you walk by them, try to think of them as nothing more than dogs barking....

 

 

 

BellaDonna

[OceanEyes]

I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm being harassed. But can this even be called harassement? Or am I just being too sensitive?

 

NO, you are NOT being sensitive. I've had to deal with that a lot too, and I agree 100% that it is very frustrating.

 

Here are a few tactics I've developed to avoid run-ins like this:

 

- When I walk down the street, I look straight ahead. If I hear comments from perverted losers - even those who are practically right in front of my face passing me by - I keep looking straight ahead and never, EVER acknowledge them. They are saying things to provoke a response from you because they're IDIOTS.

 

- When I know I have to walk somewhere slightly sketchy on my own, I carry pepper spray. I believe that ANY woman on her own living or working in a bad area should invest.

 

In my last apartment, I lived on the third floor of an apartment building in a bad area downtown (not totally bad, but bad enough). You could actually climb up the fire escape from the ground and be able to see into my bedroom window. One night while I was asleep, I heard a male voice mouthing strange sexual obsenities into my open window. When I got up to look, I saw a guy outside of my window masturbating. At first I was in shock, but it was nothing compared to the fear and panic I felt when he tried pushing on the screen to get into the window. True story - I moved out of there a month later - and even that month I usually stayed with my boyfriend or he stayed with me.

 

It's not good to live in fear all the time, but it's also good to be on guard when you know you have to be. NEVER look these creeps in the eye or give them the satisfaction of you acknowledging them. I usually completely ignore them as if they were not even there, and they always just go away and look for someone else to harass.

 

Let this thread be a 'heads up' for the men who whistle, hoot, and holler: guess what guys, you scare the crap out of us and make us walk around wondering which one of you is going to rape/ mug/ assault us! GET A HOBBY! Better yet, GET STUFFED!