I am in need of advice, please anyone help

[Lars]

hey, i am 20 years old and i have been with the same girl on and off for near for years. We were not together from jan-aug of 04, but we ended up back together in sept

In mid october we found out she is pregnant, and i was very happy about it. no it wasnt the ideal situation, but i was looking forward to being a dad.

Anyway come early december she decides to break up with me again, because she feels i dont agree with her on too many things. So now my ex girlfriend refuses to talk to me. she wont tell me the due date or anything about my child, no sonograms, no nothing. she is completely keeping me out of the loop, and i want to be a good dad and in my childs life wether she likes it or not. i want to be involved in the pre-birth things too. She tells me now that the child will not have my last name and she will not claim me as the father. this is heartbreaking. so really i want to know if anyone knows what are my rights, and what should i do, should i keep trying to talk to her, do i have a right to know the due date. I am so scared and want to be a good father. please help me, anyone!!

[avman]

This depends on where you live. Different states have different rules. And if you are outside the US I don't know what exactly happens in that case.

 

But in a nutshell in the US what you have to do is file a paternity action in court against your girlfriend in order to gain visitation rights to the child. If you don't want her to give the child up for adoption you will have to do certain things to prevent that as well. Some states (like mine) have a registry that you have to put your name on. Otherwise she can give the baby up for adoption and you'd never know it. Other states are all done through the court system.

 

My advice is to contact an attorney who specialists in family law. More specifically one with experience in fathers rights and paternity actions. There are a whole bunch of hoops you have to jump through to protect your rights and any mistakes can cost you dearly. Your girlfriend cannot cut you completely out of the childs life. She can, however, make it very difficult for you.

 

Please PM me if I can help you in any way. I know this is a very gut-wrenching thing to be going through.

[Lars]

i live in illinois, i dont know if that helps whatsoever.

[Jimbo10]

If you seriously want to be involved, and you are able to help financially, and be a part of this childs life, for its ENTIRE LIFE MEANING: If you walk out of this boy/girls life when they are five I hope they hunt you down and beat you to a pulp, because that is worse then never being there if you ask me!

 

Then I would seek an attourny in family law or what ever the correct term is. Just because the mother of a baby carries the child, doesn't mean it's HER baby, and that dad is just there for the ride. You have rites the same as her, and if this is really really something you want to do, which, by the way I find very impressive, then the law can help you out.

 

 

Good luck my friend, and it's very brave, and noble of you to be so responcible and loving at age 20. Good on ya!!!

[avman]

Jimbo I wish that were true, but it isn't. An unmarried father of a child starts with ZERO rights. You have to fight for them. The laws here in the states presume that the mother has full custody, the father has zero, and the father is responsible for child support. Any other arrangement has to be faught for.

[kwk0821]

Please fight for what you think is right, my husband walked out on me and our baby in July. I am happy to see there are fathers who want to be a part of their kids life. DO NOT GIVE UP! I pray that she will see that she will see that she is making a huge mistake.