Crippling anxiety attacks and Breaking Up

[F2007KR]

This summer, I started seeing this girl that I have had feelings for throughout my undergraduate time in college. I took two years off from school, and this summer as I was getting ready to return to for my graduate degree, we started spending time, dating. I met her family, and we had 5 wonderful dates. We were taking our time, but it was clear to both of us that we were attracted to each other. She took up my hobby of auto racing. Things were going good.

 

Unfortunately things were beginning to spiral out of control in my professional life. It was not doing much to satisfy me, so I decided to quit. I got a lot of push back from my family, but I was headstrong and left. I ended up working for a temp agency in the mean time, but the job atmosphere was terrible for all involved, and I was not able to find a good job that would be either 1.) part time, or 2.) Pay for my school. I decided that I was going to just follow my heart and go back to grad school, but going from making $55k a year and unhappy to the meager salary of a research assistant began to worry me. How am I gonna make my car payment? The financial worries fed back into my doubts, and I began to really question my decision.

 

The worry became anxiety, and the anxiety became fear. By the end of our time dating, I was suffering from almost daily panic attacks. I felt crippled at work, and I could barely function anymore. I called the university's counseling center and asked for an appointment, but it came too late. One night, we were on the phone getting ready for our date this weekend. I told her I was unsure if I could make it, since I was dealing with some financial stuff but I was gonna try. She texted me later to tell me that I sounded too unsure, and that she was opting out so I could do what I needed to do. I in turn blew up her phone to come to my big event, and she told me she knew I was trying to reach her, and she was just more comfortable as friends.

 

I always tried to keep my worries apart from her. She knew there were things on my mind, but I never let on to just how stressed off I was. She only knew that I was under some stress and I wasn't eating right. In the end, she tried to give me space, and I tried to grab her. One area of my life became unbalanced, and it boiled over to the other area. I have been meeting with the counselor at school to try and advise me, help me find the stability back in my life and career. I sorted out the financial situation with the car, and that is one huge burden off of me. My professors know what happened, and they are working with me as I rebuild. I want to talk with her and explain things to her. I want to try and see if we still have a possibility of continuing to date. The me that was burdened by this crippling anxiety is not there anymore, and he is being dealt with. I ended up writing an apology letter, leaving out all the issues of my anxiety, and taking all the blame for my actions and thanking her for just being so good to me over the summer. I haven't delivered this letter. How do I go about fixing this situation? Is it even possible?

[Jehst1987]

It's horrible suffering with anxiety. I know how it is. I am glad to hear you're back on track. I would say that if you're to have a decent relationship with this girl then she'll understand how you were feeling and will give it another shot. If she doesn't then it wouldn't have worked out anyway. Doesn't sound like you did a huge amount to put her off. Pursue it a bit more if you really really like her, see what she says. Be honest with her.

[F2007KR]

Thanks. It'll take some time I guess