Ruin the suprise or wait in the dark

[Mae Single]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, living together for 1. We talk about getting married and having kids all the time, but I don't know how to make sure we're on the same timeline without ruining the surprise of engagement or feeling that I'm pressuring him. I once told him that I needed to know our timeline and he asked if I wanted to ruin the surprise of it. I said no and he reassured me we were on the same page. However, I've come to the realization that we are not on the same page; if we were on my page we would have been engaged last year and getting married this year.

 

What bothers me most about this is that he's always been the one to initiate conversations about our future and this started before I was ready to get that serious. For a year I thought he'd propose before I was truly ready - I knew I'd say yes and was excited and nervous by the idea. The following year I was convinced he would do it. He'd been talking about it long enough and we'd moved in together. Now that we're approaching year four I'm starting to resent him. I keep thinking a proposal is right around the corner and don't want to pressure him about something that I feel should just come naturally. On the other hand I also feel like he's pooped on my girlish dreams of being surprised by an engagement as I'm now waiting at every turn. How do I express my feelings and check that we're on the same page without feeling like I'm begging for an engagement?

[SooSad33]

My thoughts?

Is there a reason to rush this? Are you just too anxious about it?

You're time together, has been fine, right?

 

Then how about just keep it going fine and let him do it, when he's ready..?

 

If you're feeling it's never going to happen, then jump at him. It may eventually be where he's feeling 'forced' to do it.

Is this how you want it?

 

If all is good, I suggest to not pressure him about this.

 

If it's been another year or so.. and he still hasn't? Maybe he feels he can't & then I'd start to wonder.

 

I don't know? I'm not you- don't know your life. As for me, yes we were engaged & married within 5 yrs., my first Ex.

My 2nd one.. together 7-8 yrs. never married.

[redswim30]

DO.NOT. PRESSURE. HIM.

 

He will propose if he really wants to, if he doesn't- he won't.

 

You need to decide how long you are willing to wait or if you'd be happy with him without the marriage part. It does not sound like he is ready.

 

If you cannot be patient with his willy-nilly timeline, end the relationship. But if you stay, be prepared to wait. The last thing you want is him to feel like he's being "forced to marry you".