Breakup only a month old...new relationship?

[Naya2279]

Ok, well, I've made many posts in the past month about my huge breakup. Was with him 2 years, he cheated on me. I'm totally heartbroken. Well, this new guy comes into my life outta the blue. I'm scared to death. I don't wanna get close, but he listens to everything.

 

He comes to see me at work (the ex never would). He calls me every night and so on. I cry on his shoulder like every night about my ex. I don't know. I mean I keep dreaming that my ex will wake up and come back, but I know that I can do sooo much better than him.

 

I'm scared to death to get close to this new guy. I mean it's sooo soon and I almost feel unlovable and he's there. Yet, I'm still hung up on my ex. I'm just afraid that I'm gonna end up hurting this new guy, and he keeps telling me that I'm a great person and I deserve so much better than what I had. I know I do, but I'm just not ready. I've explained that to him and he said that in life we have to take chances.

 

Is this a chance really worth taking? I don't want a rebound. My heart is in a million pieces right now and he listens to every word...

 

I'm just so confused by everything right now...

[ticklebug]

if you still aren't over your ex don't get into anything with this guy...Him trying to talk you into it by telling you "everyone has to take chances" is not fair to you and you need to let him know that. No one should pressure you into anything you aren't ready for.

 

I seriously suggest you stop crying on his shoulder about your ex...find a girlfriend to do that with...anyone else but him

 

he's trying to play the role of affectionate savior in order to win your heart, and he very easily could...but you aren't ready for that and it WILL be a rebound and you both will get hurt.

 

He needs to respect that al you want is a friend right now, not anything more, and if he won't respect that...and still tries to talk you into more, walk away...

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

He sounds like he will hurts u more than u gonna hurt him. If u dun wan a rebound, just avoid him, ignore him. Do NC and at the same time, have fun out there.. hehe

 

happy new year

[GreatGuy]

.....I see what you told me.....must be rough huh?.....

Very strange too!!

 

 

Naya 2279, I think you need to give you time to heal first before getting into anything, your head and heart must be in a harmonious way so that you don't act on high emotions.....espectially now. I think you said it all in your sentence

I mean it's sooo soon and I almost feel unlovable and he's there

 

He represents comfort right now ...literrally a shoulder to cry on(sorry about the jk ).....something you seem to need at this moment.

 

Can you please elaborate on this line : "....I almost feel unlovable"??

Thanks!

[Naya2279]

I said that because I'm just feeling really down and stuff right now. The one person that I thought would never leave me, left me. The one person that I thought loved me. Well, now it's like I feel like no one could love me again. I know what we had wasn't real love though if he did what he did.

 

I just got so comfortable in my relationship and now I'm scared to death of that change. He comes in and no matter how many times I tell him no it's like he won't go away. He's a great guy, he's not like a psycho or anything, and that's why I'm afraid I'm gonna miss my chance or something.

 

I know my main problem is myself..lol. I have no self confidence at all. And that's what I'm hoping this next year will be all about. I gotta find that and feel "lovable" before I'm ever gonna be able to be loved.

 

Sorry for the rant. It's an emotional day for me.

[Angelus]

Wow, dejavu!

 

My g/f was sort of the same way as you are now. She was in love with a guy that constantly hurt her, embarrased her in public and she was to the point where she felt that she was worthless. She thought she was ugly that no one could ever love her because she wasn't meant to be loved. So she decided to just date and have boyfriends, jsut to have them however, she wasn't happy and when she met me, I could see that.

 

Although she appeared happy on the outside, I could see her crying inside like you are now, and the more I sat and listened to her experiences, the more i realized that she was an amazing girl. It was uphill for the most, but I fell in love her and I knew I could love her the way she deserved to be loved, i knew that I could make her happy. I couldn't just sit there and see her cry, and suffer inside and I knew that somehow someway, I had to reignite the fire of love inside of her.

 

Who knows if this guy is sincere or what, but hey you do deserve to be loved, you are beautfiul, you are special and you are unique. Your ex is an idiot, bc if you love him as much as this; he's an idiot!

 

Naya, it's time for you to take a new outlook on life and love and realize that in a perfect world, there will alwasy be pain and loss. However, life is good and in the end, it is alwasy darkest before dawn. You will find someone out there to love and appreciate you for the angel that you are. All I can say boo, is be true to yourself only then can you be true to anyone else. Make sure your heart is ready before you make any decisions in relationships because it's hard to let go of someone you love; I know bc I had to do that to be with girl I hope to spend the rest of my life with.

 

So as for this guy, don't play him too close, yet, to play him too far bc if it looks like the real thing, it sounds like the real thing, it could be the real thing. Ask him why he cares about you so much and test his feelings towards you, if you truly cares about you; your heart will know. And if you're a Christian, or religious person, trust in your higher power, cause they know the way.

[amanda22]

gee, all i can say is give yourself time to heal over your ex. honestly, i feel like guys are wolves to new prey. they can sense when you are vulnerable and go in for the kill. the day my ex broke up with me, the news must have spread like wildfire and about 3 of his friends were trying to contact me and put the moves on me. ICK!!! it made me sooo mad. i needed to think about what just happened and be with my feelings and they were drooling over me. it just made me so upset, i was like, leave me alone! dont get me wrong, some of these guys are sweet and nice, but i know that right now is not the best time to start anything. im too vulnerable and hurt and not ready. anyways that is my point of view...

[Angelus]

Hey i resent that statement, u can't generalize and say guys are wolves after prey. Ur not being fair to the guys out there that actually try to do the right thing. See many women say they want nice guys but almost always go with those no good, "bad boys" and then love to turn around and say all men are dogs.

 

BE FAIR, bc instead of seeing nice guys the way you should, many women tend to treat us as teddy bears that you throw away when everything is all right. So please restate what you say bc I'm not wolf! I'm a real man who knows how to treat a woman, who knows what a woman means to me. So I take sharp offense to your statements.

 

Ps: To all the lovely ladies out there and the many friends that I've met on this site, Seasons greetings and I'll see you guys in the new year.

 

live free.....die well.

[hockeyboy]

i dont think there is any time limit. but if your crying on the news guys shoulder about your ex...thats not good at all. thats more what a friend is for.maybe u can be friends?

[Naya2279]

Well, the ex called me on his way home from dropping her off at the airport. I really didn't have much to say to him. I only answered cause he woke me up and I didn't check the caller ID. He asked how my week was and I said great, of course. I dunno, it was just weird. I really wish I hadn't answered, but oh well. I'm gonna keep the NC contact going.

 

As for the other guy, I've been kind of blowing him off. I dunno, I feel bad, but I'm just not ready for anything. I tried telling him how I was feeling, but he won't let go of the taking a chance thing. I'm not really willing right now..

[amanda22]

i wasnt saying ALL guys are wolves, i was just trying to give another point of view of what could be going on and gave an example.

 

personally. i like nice guys. my ex was a nice guy but all his friends were players. so, i didnt mean to bother you with that statement, i was just giving diff. scenarios.

 

and i also am in no way one of those girls you wre describing either...

[Angelus]

thanx for clearing the air bc I felt it was rather unfair to generalize like that bc there are many nice guys out there like myself who prefer to do the right thing. trust me, it hurts when i hear women constantly say men are dogs or wolves or frogs or bees or whatever else bc not all of us are.

 

so be very careful when you make statements like that in the future. no love lost; it's all good boo.

[Hope75]

As for the other guy, I've been kind of blowing him off. I dunno, I feel bad, but I'm just not ready for anything. I tried telling him how I was feeling, but he won't let go of the taking a chance thing. I'm not really willing right now...

 

You've answered your own question here Naya.

 

You are obviously not ready to give anything in a new relationship, and how could you? You are still nursing a broken heart.

 

Don't you dare feel bad for putting yourself first here. You've been through alot. Yes, this new guy represents comfort to you, but he knows you are very vulnerable right now and I think he's totally taking advantage of you, in fact pushing you towards something you are clearly not ready for. Whether he means to or not, he is, and that's not cool.

 

Just as ticklebug said, ask this new guy to give you some space. Tell him you are not ready to take any chances yet and that you need time to be alone and heal, and if he can't respect that than he needs to get lost.

 

Take care of yourself, worry about your 'chance' with a new guy later. there will be plenty of opportunities when you've recovered and actually care enough about yourself and feel good enough about yourself to be able to give something to someone special.

 

Take care!

[FleX]

I agree with hope. Your definitely not ready. Take the time to reassess yourself and heal. If you get into another relationship that will end up hurting yourself and your new flame. Don't keep him hanging rather you should tell him the truth. He will understand and if he is willing to wait around he will.