My first real breakup and not knowing what to do.

[jeanettelee]

Previously I have posted about my then boyfriend who used to have multiple FWBs.

It turns out everyone here was right about him... just that I couldn't see it.

Anyway, arguments and lies and everything happened.

I was so done with his lies and excuses.

It hurt me so much every time we argue he would blame me for being emotional and paranoid...

while he knows I have been seeing a clinical psychologist for my anxiety and paranoia.

(and at the first beginning he promised to face that with me seeing me struggling with my mood problem.)

I was gonna break up with him but was a little hesitant.

And then a few days ago he broke up with me.

My first real boyfriend and first real breakup...that was.

 

He said he was fed up with my doubting him and all the questions I had.

He said he really want us to remain as friends though.

I was trying to look cool and stuff so I said yeah sure.

 

(And I cried after the break up for 15 hrs pretty much non-stop except when I fell asleep

and being a pathetic person I am I begged him twice during that.)

 

Then I find everything reminds me of him hurts me.

Everything he said about the other girls just came to my mind whenever i am reminded of him by some random little things.

 

He was texting me for the first 2 days but I wasn't really replying.

Now we have no contact at all.

 

The thing is...

I am so confused about things...

like just a few days back we were planning for so many things...

the movies we said we would watch...

the things we said we would try out...

the restaurants we said we would go back to...

and now he is prolly going to do all these things with someone (or more than one) else.

 

I dont want to watch the movies I was going to watch anymore.

I dont want to try out those new restaurants.

I am so afraid of seeing him with someone else...

 

I really dont know how to handle this...

please help.

[autumnsun]

Re-read everything you have written here. Over and over again. You know the truth about this guy, it's just going to take time to let your emotions die down. Acceptance will come in time. Let yourself cry loads of tears right now; what else are you going to do with them? Bottling things up inside will do you no good. Write, post here, talk to friends. Purge yourself of all the feelings - positive and negative - and then tuck them into their necessary place.

 

Break ups take time to process. You have to be gentle with yourself right now and accept that wave upon wave of emotions will visit you on an hour by hour, day by day basis. You can't move through this more quickly than you're meant to. And no one can give you the right tools to really work through it -- you have to find what sustains you.

 

This guy was not good for you, nor would he ever be. You know that deep down. Does it make the hurt less? Absolutely not, but by re-reading everything you wrote above, you'll slowly (but surely!) gain strength to get through the days.