What's Next - Long

[Foolish heart]

I feel that I already know how the story is going to end but sometimes it is just nice to talk to someone to help fill in the blanks and to offer their insight into a reality check.

 

About two years ago I met what I felt was a fun and friendly young lady on an online dating site. I had seen her profile pop up a few times so I looked at the detail. I received an e-mail from her asking if I was going to say hello to her. I had not seriously thought about contacting her due to the fact that she was a hour away.

 

We talked on the telephone for what felt like hours multiple times and finally we met for coffee during on an evening after work. The date was perfect and we ended up extending our date until the late evening ending the night in a passionate kiss. We found ourselves taking turns driving to see each other on a weekly basis with thousands of text flying back and forth between us during the day at work in the next year along with telephone conversations. After a year of talking and spending time together I told her how I felt about her and that little “L” word was spoken between us.

 

You spend enough time with someone you really start to get a feel for their habits. After the year mark the text started slowing down along with the telephone conversations. We would go a day or two without any contact. There were times I would text her and not get a reply back for a couple of days.

 

One weekend in August I had to go out of town so we had made plans to get together on a Saturday and I was leaving the next day. So that Saturday morning I had sent her a text letting her know that I was looking forward to seeing her that day. As I was leaving the gym I received a text back from her saying that she would understand if I had too much going on that day we could reschedule. I had set aside time so I told her that would not be a problem. To make a long story short she ended up texting me about two that afternoon pretty much accusing me of not communicating with her or planning anything. I called and we discussed the whole thing and just did not see each other that day. Fast forward to Sunday where I texted her Sunday morning before I left and surprisingly I did not get a reply back from her until Monday morning.

 

I tend to be very in tune with my emotion s and my gut feeling was telling me that something did not seem right. I discovered she had a dating profile up on an online site and I confronted her. She denied it at first stating it must have been an older profile until I pointed out it had one of her recent pictures. She admitted it at that point…

 

We did end up breaking up right after Thanksgiving and I will admit I was not very nice about it. I told her I could not see myself being with someone like her that would lead someone on and toy with their feelings.

 

Fast forward to March of this year she sent me a text and we ended up going out to dinner for her birthday. The dinner was nice and I still found myself attracted to her physically but I also knew to guard my heart.

 

We have gone out a number of times which equates to about twice a month either out for dinner or coming to my house. When we are at my house when the opportunity has presented itself we have been intimate.

 

My gut feeling tells me that there is more going on because I have never really had any interactions with either her family or friends. I still get instances where I text her and my only get a few words response with very little depth to it.

 

For the fourth of July, she ended up going up north with a female friend of hers whose family had a cottage. I have no way of knowing if it is the truth or not but I did text her good morning asking how her holiday went and I got back was great and Happy Saturday. This same friend she ended up going with her to St Louis for memorial day to close down her husband’s apartment from his last assignment. That is really a huge thing to do for a friend.

 

Over dinner last week we enjoyed ourselves just talking like friends. She shared things about someone she used to date and it surprised me that she had given him money at some point to pay his rent while they were dating. All I could think about as I was listening to her was that based upon what she shared I knew which one of her FB friends he was. It turns out the weekend that that she had a holiday party was the same weekend he ended things with her. And surprisingly his new relationship started the same weekend with his current girlfriend she shared with me.

 

During our last date I did disclose to her that she is the only one that I had been with over the last year which included when we were not together. She was very relieved to hear that but she did not reciprocate a response to my statement.

 

It seems lately whenever we make plans things she seems to change them. I have pretty much made the determination that this relationship is not really going anyplace.

I was hoping to have the conversation with her that this is not a relationship. The other day I had joking asked her if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She gave me the “Lol and “ I am not sure if people in their forties and fifties are boyfriend and girlfriend”. My response was what are we?

Her response back was “ I am not sure what people our age call it”.

 

I could just go with the flow and enjoy the spoils but that is not my style and I don’t need a FWB situation. I wanted to lay it all on the line to her this Thursday but it turns out that we may need to reschedule our date night again. Her son is flying in for a wedding and she needs to pick him up at the airport. In my book family will always get the first priority. I guess I will have to go on here until I can have the talk in person….

[ManInLove]

Uncertainty sucks. It's where I am right now. I wish you luck!

 

One thing I do want to ask though: back when you discovered that she had a dating profile - how did you come accross it? Were you browsing dating sites yourself? Did you specifically go looking because you suspected that she had set one up?

[Foolish heart]

I wish you luck in resolving your situation. To answer you question I just had a really uneasy feeling that weekend I went away. I purposely searched because I suspected something was not right. My heart sunked and I was relieved at the same time because I was able to confirm what I had been feeling...