Confused 18 year old whose emotions are killing him, Please help me...

[L33TPWNERS]

Hey guys, I'm new to the forums so consider this my introduction.

 

Just gonna jump right into it...

 

About 2 months ago, last few weeks of high school, I started dating this girl Lillian. Things were great, blah blah blah nothing could go wrong.

 

After about 1 month things started going down hill fast. We were both 18 but still living with our parents as we had only just graduated.

 

She is jewish, and my mom made some jewish jokes to me (not out of hate, purely comedic) that I thought were funny, and without thinking, during one of our skype sessions I told her the jokes that my mother had said. I thought she would find them funny. She did not, but she didnt tell me at the time.

 

but she told HER mother (Heavy feminist/jewish woman)

 

Her mom got very, very upset and forbade her from going to my house.

 

I told my mom this and she got pissed and out of rage or something, my mom forbade me from going to HER house...

 

My mom, in her rampage, put severe locks on my phone, (locking from 10pm-7am, 30 texts a day, and 20 mins of calling.)

 

My mother got overly controlling and refused to allow me to leave the house, making up some excuse for why I couldn't leave that night.

 

So now we are both not allowed to go to each others houses. We can still see date, just not go there.

 

The only thing we could do is go to movies (basically all there is to do in this town) and that is the only place we could be alone and just be with each other.

 

We got around all the restrictions by using Skype.

 

These started out as just 1-3 hour talks leading up to 5-6 hours, sometimes lasting all day to 3 in the morning.

 

We wouldn't see each other for a week at a time other then all day skype sessions.

 

Her mom started to breath down her neck, telling her things like "he (me) isnt even making an effort to see you, and I wont sit here and watch you wait around for a guy."

 

so she started to get really upset about it and it was a visious cycle.

 

We would plan a date,

My mom would say No,

I would explain to her why I couldn't go.

Her mom would talk .

Lillian would get upset

Thus making me upset and frantically plan another date.

 

We moved extremely fast for only dating 2 months,Like really fast... the next step was sex.

 

A few days ago, I had a chance to leave home for the night, so as to make it up not being able to see her for a while, I was going to sneak to her house, and sleep there with her and have a grand time that night, and go home in the morning. Parents would be back in the afternoon and be none the wiser and it was perfect.

 

Unfortunately, things didn't work out, as at 10:30 in the morning I got a call from my mother wondering why I wasn't at the house. I told her where I was, and she was super pissed. As expected. She was on her way to come get me.

 

I got extremely upset because thinking ahead in the future mom wasn't going to let me go anywhere for a long while, and she was going to cut the internet, so I wouldn't get to see Lillian at all.

 

For a long time.

 

I was thinking about it, and My thought was "She is unhappy that I cant hang out with her. I wont be able to hang out with her for a long time. and the whole while, her mom is going to be pushing down on her hard because of that fact. So the best thing to do is to call it off, and she will be upset but will get better and I wont be making her unhappy anymore."

 

so that night, I called her, and explained that to her and I dumped her. Her mom called her and she left for about 10 mins, and I told her over facebook "If you want to later we can keep talking, but if not, I want you to know, you are amazing and I am so glad I got to spend a portion of my life with you. Take care Lillian"

 

She called me back and started yelling at me calling a "boy and not a man, because I cant stand up to my mom to tell her she cant restrict my relationship"

 

I didnt yell at her, I kept a calm cool tone the whole time and used lines like "While I disagree with your opinion, I understand why you feel that way, and I am sorry but there is no other way"

 

she kept yelling at me for 20 mins and thats it, now were done.

 

Haven't spoken since.

 

-End of story-

But I cant keep this feeling of sadness in my heart.

 

I knew I had to break up with her for her sake, because the way our lives were aimed, (Im going into the military, and she is going to collage) it would be the same thing for 4 years minimum. Just constant Skype.

 

I've never broken up with anyone or really dated anyone in high school and I dont understand why I am feeling this way

 

I have the strongest urge to message her on Facebook or Skype or anything to see how she is doing, but I know it will only upset her, and that's the whole reason for the break up is to prevent that.

 

I care about her too much to keep hurting her.

 

but I keep indirectly looking at her life, mostly via facebook updates to see if she is ok, Almost msged her sister ANYTHING just to see if she is ok

 

I just feel awful even though its for the best.

 

I dont want to unfriend her on anything because if she wants to talk I want to be there for her, but it is just killing me inside.

 

Is this normal or am I just going crazy?

 

 

I am sorry for the long post, I just feel I needed to get the story out. Ill check back every so often to reply. Thanks ahead of time.

 

Even some words of encouragement or advice or your opinion on the situation would be great thank you.

[SooSad33]

Break ups are not so easy. It takes it's toll mentally & emotionally.

I feel you did the right thing though. To end it all. As you're right, it's just going to lead into nothing.

Too many stressors, etc.

 

Do not contact her anymore. You do that and you'll never get over this.

No contact is best for both of you.

 

Yes, you're hurting because this all took it's toll on you. But, you have to respect her and yourself now and let go.

 

As for your mother? No idea what's up with her?? Yes, you are 18 now. Is she always like this?

I'd think of finding a way to get out of that house & her controlling antics! You do have a right to live your own life!

 

If you're going into the military, I guess that'll be a good break for the both of you.

 

Anyways.. respect and keep your distance. Don't take it any further. Less contact the better now, as nothing can be done now. There's been enough damage. Sorry to say.

 

tc

[L33TPWNERS]

Thank you for the reply, I just sat down with my mom and talked with her and she says I was "blinded with love" and I treated her with so much disrespect. I probably should have put in the part where I realized I was just a major to my mom throughout the relationship.

[SooSad33]

Yes, okay- but respect needs to come from both sides. You're mom didn't need to take that much control, did she?

To give you only so many options re: your phone.. how late you can be out, etc?

 

Come on.. you are 18 now. I have 4 boys and by that age, as long as they weren't breaking the law, I was not going to meddle in their lives that way.

[L33TPWNERS]

Yeah she definitely handled things the wrong way. But we talked for a good 45 minutes and we are fine now.

[Man with Dog]

Maybe your mum is a closet racist and might "approve" of someone more "appropriate" in her view.

 

You probably were blinded by love to some extent but that didn't give her the right to interfere the way she did.

 

Live will go on but break-ups are hard. Good luck.