my ex wont accept my present

[amanda22]

my ex was telling me how much he cared about me and how he wanted to be friends and now wont accept my present under any circumstance. he told me not to even bother leaving in on his porch. what is going through his head? well im not going to let it sit in my room. im going to leave it on his porch. hopefully he will at least look at it and not throw it away...

[Sushi Overdose]

he is your "ex" afterall, hes probably hurt from the past, maybe? or probably going through that "i want to be left-alone, dont bother me till i get over you" move. i could be wrong bec. i dont know behind your story.

 

i know its nice of you to give him a present, but if he doesnt want to, dont force him. give him time.

[amanda22]

well actually he broke up with me a month ago and he has a new girl that he totally fell in love with. he said he still cares about me and then was like im not taking your present. i dont understand.

[giggle3474]

I'm just wondering why you are bothering to give him a present in the first place? Are you hoping to win him back?

 

If he doesn't want it, my first thought would be just to return it or give it to someone else. If you don't want to do that, I would try calling him again and tell him you value his friendship and you selected a special gift for him and so it would mean a lot to you to be able to give it to him.

 

IF he still won't accept, I would consider again just keeping it or maybe waiting a week or so and try again?

[wanderer]

i know if my ex left me a present on my doorstep, i'd throw it out but not before opening it to at least see what it was... maybe i could sell it on ebay or something. if she handed delivered it, i'd love to just throw it at her feat and slam the door in her face. i know it sounds terrible but trust me, she would deserve it.

 

basically if you cheated on him and never told him about it but he found out elsewhere, that's one thing that could make him be acting this way. that's my situation.

[amanda22]

giggle: i want to give him his present because i bought it before he found someone else and dumped me and ive been looking forward to giving it to him, i enjoy giving people presents. im not angry at him, i just want to be friends like he said (he said not yet though). i did call and give him a whole big speech and he didnt care, he said its stupid to postpone it and it doesnt matter cause its not gonna happen.

 

wanderer: ouch. i never cheated on him or anything like that. i think now that he has a new girl he just finds me annoying. he doesnt like the whole present idea and christmas time cause everything is forced. he sounds fed up with me....

 

but i still dont understand why i cant just leave it at his door (he said no) what does he care if i give him something? he doesnt have to make any kind of effort for it, he doesnt even have to see me...i guess he just has to open the door.

 

its hurtful and rude i think...

[ocean9]

amanda,

 

It really sucks that he is not into your offer of friendship. Some guys just say that, but they really don't mean it at all.

 

If you leave the present on the doorstep after he already clearly said 'no thanks' he might accuse you of being a stalker, which could totally ruin your reputation.

 

As much as it hurts, and I know it does, don't give him the gift. Maybe you could donate it to a woman's shelter or a homeless shelter or something like that...someone out there would love to receive a present this weekend...and it would be great karma for you!

[amanda22]

so true but i dont think people at shelters want video games without a playsation to play it on... d'oh!

[ocean9]

well, then maybe a hock shop then?

 

Just don't waste it on him, he's just going to toss it anyway.

[amanda22]

i dont know if he would actually throw it away...i think he will prob either return it to me or put it aside and then return it to me or just give it to one of his friends....but at least i can say i tried to be nice...

 

the sucky part is i start school in feb. and have a class with him...thats gonna be weird...

[ocean9]

that will be weird...but if you leave the present on his doorstep, guaranteed, it will be even weirder.

 

he said no, and I think that it would be in your best interests to respect that

 

this guy might give you a bad rep at school, seriously, I've seen it happen time and time again

[amanda22]

im just really upset and insulted by it. i just want to give it to him and let him decide what he wants to think about it...

 

and we go to college so its not like high school were he could give me a bad rep. but, im sure i already have a bad rep with his family and friends so if i pull a stunt like this it will be nothing new...

 

i feel like i dont even care anymore, let him think im crazy/stubborn/obsessive,ect... i dont care anymore... i just want to give him the stuff for like closure and move on...

[xodibox]

I don't think you should give him the present either.

He told you that he does not want the gift ..so respect that.

 

Where you might just be seeing at as a simple christmas gift, he might be seeing it as a token of your affection or an attempt to manipulate him or something. Point is tho, he said he doesn't want it.

 

I agree with ocean 9 there, sneaking up and leaving a present for someone who not only said they don't want it, but also said they don't even want to be friends with you anymore....could very well be taken as a sign of stalking or obsession to some people, even if it isn't.

 

It doesn't matter WHY you can't leave it at his door or how rude and hurtful you think it is that he won't accept it.

 

What matters is that he has set some very clear boundries:

"i dont want the present. dont give it to me" and

"i dont want to be your friend"

 

And if you cross them, he is quite likely going to get very angry and start thinking of you in a not-so-nice way. You said that you think he is fed up and annoyed with you (i do too) so why would you want to do something thats only going to intensify his bad feelings?

 

If you don't want this guy to end up hating you and/or thinking of you as one of those clingy girls that can never take a hint ..I suggest you do not give him the gift and that you start removing yourself from his life.

 

sorry

[amanda22]

ok but the thing is he said he DOES want to be friends. he keeps confusing me. like a week ago i went over and was like i cant do this anymore i dont want to be friends, im saying goodbye. he said dont be ridiculous i have no doubt we will be friends and we will see eachother at school ect. a few days later i got mad at him and he said maybe we cant be friends. i didnt talk to him and the next day he sent me a message with lyrics from our favorite song saying im so sorry please dont hate me i didnt mean it. things then were akward (like all post relationship breakup times are) but fine. so i was like i want to stop by and give you your present and he was like NO. and i was like what just happened???

[Phil]

I'm guessing if you gave him a present it would bring back memories of when you two were together. he may be trying to just move on and dosn't want to look back. I'll take it. 8)

[xodibox]

Okay, well... it is a bit confusing then since he seems a bit wishy-washy.

But either way. He said he didn't want the present.

 

If you think he is going to change his mind about it in a few days, then hang on to it for a couple of days. I do think that you need to step back from this guy for at least a week or two tho.

 

You're both confused and I think you both need to air your attics out *L*

[amanda22]

everything makes sense except for the fact he want to like ignore me until after the holidays...

 

???

[amanda22]

true we need to step back, but its so much easier for him since now he has the most perfect gf ever. it feels like he is yanking my chain...he knows how much this hurts me right now...he makes me feel stupid for wanting to be his friend after he told me thats what he wanted to do...

 

???

[amanda22]

im expecting him to call later in january once his girl goes back to school and is all busy and be like uhhh, wanna hang out, blah blah blah and i'll be like, but you ditched me over the holidays...

 

but i'll still want to see him cause im not strong enough to say no.

 

if he made a strong point about us being friends, why pull this attitude now?

[ticklebug]

amanda

 

you have got to think about something for a second here. You are not his girlfriend anymore, but yet you are expecting him to make you, and your feelings, a priority as if you still were.

 

Now that you are an ex, you come second fiddle to his new girlfriend, his family, any pets he has....anything he has responsibilities to.. come before you. I feel for you if you are feeling lonely for the holidays...but he has other people to spend his time with that are more important to him than you.

 

I'm quite sure you don't have these same expectations of other friends you have in your life & if they ask you to do or not do something, you'd respect it without question. You are being far too overbearing. respect what he consideres friendship boundaries.

 

He doesn't want your gift because it makes him feel obligated to you...plain and simple. So either return it to the store or gift it to somone else.

[amanda22]

i would still find it sad if an ex, a friend, my dog, whatev... rejected a gift i put thought into...

 

but he doesnt have an obligation...how? i dont expect a gift, a thank you, or anything. he was ok a week ago about it and now he is not

???

thats whats bothering me.

[ocean9]

It sounds like a big mess.

 

Do what you want to do, but seriously, I think you need to go NC with this guy, at least for a little while. Contact with him just seems to keep re-wounding you. Do you know what I mean?

 

He doesn't seem clear about what he wants, and that sort of ambivalence will only lead to pain.

 

You'll have to find closure another way.

[amanda22]

i know what you mean. i was just hoping to have a nice holiday and do the whole nc thing all of january...

[ticklebug]

but he doesnt have an obligation...how? i dont expect a gift, a thank you, or anything. he was ok a week ago about it and now he is not

???

 

That is how YOU think...but you aren't HIM.

 

He was ok with being friends a week ago, and that hasn't changed, nothing was said about exchanging gifts. For al you know he doesn't give gifts to people he just considers friends....quite possibly gifts around the holiday season have a meaning to him other than just something someone gets or gives.

[amanda22]

actually we have been talking about what we want for xmas since the end of november. then we broke up, but we still carpooled to school, and then when school was over still talked...we have come up on the subject here and there about presents and all....and it was fine until just recently....