What is happening? (pretty long bear with me)

[Strandysmommy]

I met this guy a few weeks ago at church. He's really nice, and is the type that everyone likes. Well, we started yacking, and I realized that as shy as I am, it was really easy to talk to him. Later that night, a group of us went out to eat, and he and I got there at the same time. There were 2 others there already, and we had this booth; he could have sat on the other side but he gestured for me to sit, and he slid in next to me...later that night we were all joking about random stuff...he was putting his arms around me alot...and rubbed my knee at one point.

 

We were at a game night last week, and he stuffed a note pad in my hand and asked for my AIM, "I want to bug you later" he said. Later on, we talked for about 2 hours online. At the game night, he could have sat anywhere (including a comfy sofa) but chose the floor next to me...right next to me. Well online we flirt alot, he has in so many words told me I am beautiful. We can talk for 4 hours or so...sometimes our conversations are in the gutter, but a lot of the time we're just talking about life etc. I think he might like me...but here's the catch. There is this girl at church he seems really close to. Like they're really tight friends. She has a 3 year old son. In person, he talks to me, but not as freely as he does online...I'd like any opinion here. Does it sound like he likes me, or is he just being nice? (he still finds random reasons to touch me) We have a lot in common too. I am really super shy, and would like to ask him out or something. I gave him my cell number (tied into a mock disgusted reaction to a joke he made) he gave me his, but he hasn't called or anything.

 

Agg. I hate not knowing things. I mean it's this other girl I am worried about..I mean I have really close friends who are guys, but it's totally platonic.

[kalshane]

Next time your at church and you see them together, walk up all clueless like and say, "Hi, how are you guys?" Read the body language, but don't make it obvious. He sounds sociable so he should introduce you. Pay close attention and you should be able to see. She could be an interest of his, like you, or it could be a cousin or sister. If he acts awkward or uncomfortable, then you'll get a feeling.

[Strandysmommy]

Oh I have done that, he was just like "this is so and so...so and so this is (my name))" and tonight as I was talking to him online I asked how he knew her, and he was just like "oh, she was the first person I met at the church... me and some other people went to this art show of her's." When I was talking to him when she was around, they didn't seem awkward at all. huh.

[Hockeychik10]

i dont think that he likes her maybe there just like hella close or somthing hes probally nown her for a while but like i think he lieks u or as everything iv heard it seems like hes of course attracted to u and if u like him maybe u should tell him ur feelings first be4 asking him out and see what he feels about u and then from there u should no what to do

[AllTheMoonLong]

Hmmmm.... I'm brand new to this forum, but I've been in the same boat

before: as a guy who has several close women friends and also as a guy

wondering about where things are going next... So, here are my thoughts,

from both sides of the fence... if the advice doesn't work, I guarantee you

a full refund

 

First, I think it's great that he puts you at ease, and wants to connect with you

online and flirt. Enjoy it for what it is, and let the "not knowing" part of it add to

the suspense and mystery. See it as a chance to flirt back, and enjoy the tingly

excitement of it all -- I think your goal should be to enjoy yourself in the moment,

and (as a shy person) build up some confidence. That confidence will help you

flirt back, and tease him back, and see if then he starts to pursue you, or not.

If he does, great. If not, you learned something for next time.

 

That sounds cavalier, I know, but as a shy/sensitive person I have started to learn

that there's something to be said for (literally) "caring less". It's even harder if

(as I suspect) you are an imaginative person too -- it's easy to mentally overinvest too

soon, and I know, I've got the sad scars to prove it. I have friends who've gone through

3 relationships in the time it would take me to ask someone I really liked out... and

so my skills around that (flirting, reading body language, etc) were atrophying while

I was trying to figure out "where things stood".

 

One last thing -- I've read several of the threads on this forum before joining, and

it looks like a lot of them are about trying to figure out what the other person is or

isn't thinking. It's SO human of us to wonder, and hang back and read tea leaves

because of the anxiety of dating. And (my theory, FWIW) I think the "flirters" out there

like Mr. Nice-but-Noncomittal have the same anxieties -- they just shield themselves

from it by making sure that they stay popular, and keep a stable of admirers handy.

By "caring less" I think we free ourselves to flop, and fall, and sputter, and stop, and

eventually, fly.... At least, I hope so!

 

Good luck...