Boyfriends back-with an attitude

[ebola316]

He came back last week. Just walked in the door, like nothing happened. Same old attitude, same old problems. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

[Tryingtobestrong]

Dear Ebola,

 

good to hear from you. I was wondering about you and your situation.

 

So he came back? To be back in the relationship? How did you react? How do you feel about it now? did you have any contact with him since you stopped picking up the phone and he stopped calling?

 

Does not sound like you are happy he is back, what are you planning on doing? How do your children feel about his return?

 

Look forward to reading your update.

[Mentor]

Wow! Details?

 

Please?

 

I hope you are well, otherwise

[Mentor]

Hey ebola316,

 

I see you haven't taken my advice about changing your occupation LOL

 

 

[ebola316]

Well, after 3 weeks away and one of no contact, he just waltzed back in the door like nothing happened. I was so upset and devestated, I took him without question. I think my wanting him back was more fear of being alone up here for winter, than really wanting him. Because each day I spend with him, I can see I really don't like him as a person. Not to say if he left again, I wouldn't be devastated, I probably would. What I'm going to do now, while he's here, is continue not to like him, build a new life for myself while he's here, so when his spoiled little butt decides to take off again, I'll be ready.

[Hope75]

ebola16,

 

That doesn't sound too healthy! Do you really think life was worse without him? It's going to be hard for you to build a new life, one that doesn't involve him, if he's there, but I'm sure you know this.

 

You def. do not sound happy with the way things are going.

 

And no apology, no nothing from him? Just came waltzing in like nothing?

 

Did you say ANYTHING???

 

Have you guys talked about the seperation at all? Have there been any talks about things changing, anything? Are you even interested in possibly working things out with him?

 

Also, what about your kids? How are they supposed to handle possibly getting more attached to this guy and then having him leave again? Seeing thier mom unhappy with this guy but putting up with the poor way he has treated her? How will this affect them in the long run? What will it teach them?

 

There is alot at stake for you here, ebola, I hope you consider the ramifications of allowing him back when you have intentions of not trying to make it work and eventually breaking up.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world, I know this must be a hard decision for you, but I beg you to think carefully about this, for your own sanity and the interests of your kids.

[Mentor]

Well, I agreee with everything that Hope is saying, FWIW.

 

I was just too afraid to say it

[ebola316]

The kids aren't attached to him. When he's here, he hasn't really taken a active role in parenting or anything like that. He's not mean to them, actually he's nice to them. But I think they react to me. They're glad he's back not because of him, but because I'm not laying on the couch crying anymore.

 

I feel the same as I did before he left. He's treating me the same way- friendly indifference- but it doesn't seem to bother me as much as it did before he left. I don't know if it's the Prozac taking the edge off, or I just don't care.

 

I know I deserve better, but I just don't feel strong enough, or brave enough yet. For now, I'm just taking it day by day. I'll keep you guys informed, and thanks for all the help and advise.

[Hope75]

ebola,

 

Whether you think so or not, your kids are affected by his presense. Kids are very intuative, and they sense your feelings. By allowing this situation to continue you are just making it that much harder for both you and your kids.

Next time he leaves it will be another thing the kids will have to deal with. Do you really think next time you will not be on the couch crying? Your kids are suffering through this too.

 

You say you are not feeling strong enough to deal with asking him to leave. It is never going to get easier, it will always be hard. By waiting and putting it off, you are only damaging yourself and your family more.

 

This is so unhealthy! I'm worried about you.

 

You say you are taking Prozac, was this prescribed by a therapist? Are you seeing one and getting a chance to talk to anyone about this?

[Mentor]

Whether you think so or not, your kids are affected by his presense. Kids are very intuative, and they sense your feelings. By allowing this situation to continue you are just making it that much harder for both you and your kids.

Next time he leaves it will be another thing the kids will have to deal with. Do you really think next time you will not be on the couch crying? Your kids are suffering through this too.

 

Speaking as a kid who has been through something like this, all I can say is +1.

 

This is so unhealthy! I'm worried about you.

 

Lots of us are! Take control of your life, and get yourself to someplace where you and your kids can start to heal. As soon as they are finished school...sooner if possible.