if he cared still would he call?

[ninjagirl]

Hi - I posted last month about missing an ex who admitted being cruel and verbally abusive to me when we broke up:

 

link removed

 

It's been about eight weeks now since we broke up (we were together/living together for 8 years) and I'm recently rutting my head up against the idea that maybe my ex didn't really love me the way he said he did. He said mean things only a small percentage of the time and was very loving the rest of the time, which is why I guess I still have a hard time not thinking about him. When we broke up he said he would probably always love me, that he would always try to be there for me, that he had an enormous amount of respect for me, etc. Ok, ok, if he was mean to me sometimes I guess I shouldn't even be wasting my time thinking about him. But I'm still in love with the good parts.

 

Aside from a couple of business-like emails over money he owes me, there has been no contact. A mutual friend said he asked her how I was doing--wanted to know if I was getting counseling (I am)--and she said that he didn't seem like he was happy about us being apart or dating anyone else.

 

However, several weeks after the break up he told me he had already started moving on. Don't know if that means he had a fling with someone else. He's normally not the type, especially since I was his first.

 

Anyway, if her were tormented with feeling of love and missing me, wouldn't he call? At least over the holidays? I feel like, if he really cared, he would at least wish me a merry xmas or something. Or maybe he just doesn't want to make things harder for me than they already are.

 

Thoughts?

[Mentor]

Of course you still love him, an 8 year relationship is a huge part of your life. Of his life too. He might very well be missing you HUGE. Why would he be happy? He has a very large void in his life right now. It is more likely that he is not contacting because he needs NC as much as you do, not that he doesn't care...or like you said, he is trying to make it easier on you.

 

Him moving on can mean a lot of things. By sticking to NC, you are also moving on

 

My ex and I both care for each other so much. We are both missing each other, we both wanted the relationship to work, but we realized that a relationship between us just was not meant to be. It is painful for both of us to accept this, but we need to move on.

 

There is a lot of moving on happening on this forum

[fmfisdead]

Hey, I know how you feel about all of this. As for the mean things said during the break up, I think these can be seen as something that normally happens when two people are angry with each other. Anyhow, I don't think he doesn't care because of the fact that he isn't calling. You never know, he could be thinking the exact same thing about you right now and wondering why your not calling. But in the end its true its probably for the best that he doesn't call you although I understand why your upset. I mean think to yourself, what would the benefit of him calling you really be? Would it just make you remember everything all over again and long to be with him again? I can't imagine it doing anything but opening old wounds. I'm not sure if this helped at all but pm me and let me know how it goes.

[lilred]

You know, it's only been 8 weeks since your break up--the wounds are still fresh --hey i'm still not 100% over my bf and it's been a year. I think that you should take what he says and just give him some space. Both of you need time to think if this relationship is worth savaging. I know this must be very painful for you, but you know it's better to be with someone who is going to love you then someone who doesn't. You really can't force someone to be w/ you. Keep your chin up, try to get your mind off this (e.g. i like running and working out, watch comedy shows--not the romantic kind) you know, you want to look good if he ever sees you again. But in the mean time--i wouldn't contact him...it's okay for a guys to pursue but it makes girls look needy and psycho. Good luck to you!