Gah - My shyness seen as lack of confidence

[BlueEyes_68]

Ok, been out of the dating loop for about 8 years. (Previous relationship.) So I've been single for about a year now and am ready to start dating. I recently met this woman through link removed that I'm very interested in getting to know better. We've been out twice now and have talked to each other just about every day for the last two weeks. It seems like everything is going well.

 

Ok, on to the point, I invite her over to my place last night to share some company. Now since it's the first time she's been to my place, I'm being respectful and not trying to initiate any physical contact. (Plus I'm interested in something more long term, not a slam, bam thank you man.) We have a good evening sharing confversation and get to know each other a bit more.

 

I thought things were good, yet she calls me on the her way home to tell me that I need to act like a normal guy and be more confidant?!?! I was just trying NOT to screw things up by being a nice guy. Guess I should have just went for it?

 

She didn't exactly say she doesn't want to see me anymore, just that I need to quit being a wuss if I want to contiue seeing her. (not those exact words, but the point was made)

 

What do the ladies thing about all this?

[corvidae]

OK, I'm not a lady but as a man with some self-respect I wouldn't take that. Relationships are about a two-way process, if you find yourself in the position where you're trying to please them all the time then let it go. This woman sounds like a right cow. Insulting you just because you didn't behave the way she wanted! And not even discussing it at the time, but phoning you after she had left! An unpleasant, unempathic, insensitive coward. What a catch.

[CarterJonas]

It isn't always easy to be totally comfortable on the first date, but as long as you were reasonably comfortable then her words do seem harsh; especially after the first date!

 

How do you think it went? If you think it went ok then possibly this girl isn't the right person for you. On the otherhand if you did feel that possibly you were a bit nervous (which is understandable after so long out of the dating scene) then possibly it is worth pursuing a second, more relaxed date.

[Finchabald]

what the hell. is she made of stone? its obvious you were just playing it cool. i wouldnt take that. tell her that you were being sensitive of her feelings.

[BlueEyes_68]

OK, I'm not a lady but as a man with some self-respect I wouldn't take that. Relationships are about a two-way process, if you find yourself in the position where you're trying to please them all the time then let it go. This woman sounds like a right cow. Insulting you just because you didn't behave the way she wanted! And not even discussing it at the time, but phoning you after she had left! An unpleasant, unempathic, insensitive coward. What a catch.

 

Well, I wouldn't say I was trying to please her, just being respectful of her personal space, not wanting to come off like a perv, etc. Unfortunately for me, after last night, I get the very distinct impression that she likes a guy that calls ALL the shots. (When, where and how.) I say unfortunate, because like you corvidae, I believe it should be a mutual decision making process. However, I have come to learn that some women do indeed see that as being weak.

 

I have to say, I was rather displeased with the phone call instead if the face to face conversation. Who knows, maybe she was just having a bad day? (Still not really acceptable when you come right down to it.) At any rate, I'll give it one more go to see if it was a fluke or if that's who she relly is. I am interested in her, but if this happens again, I'm out of there...

[BlueEyes_68]

what the hell. is she made of stone? its obvious you were just playing it cool. i wouldnt take that. tell her that you were being sensitive of her feelings.

 

Haha, yeah, she's pretty thick at times. I know she's been crapped on by other men in her life as she's told me as much. Regardless, it doesn't excuse the behavior....

[Ceema-k]

She has a lot of gumption to call you after a first date, criticise and then make demands on you.

 

If you're looking to date someone who is an honest straight-talker and high maintenance, you may very well have met your dream girl.

 

If you're looking for someone considerate, lady-like, classy and understanding... perhaps you'd best start looking elsewhere.

[corvidae]

I agree. Call her up, tell her how she was completely wrong to dump criticism on you like that and that's why you don't want to see her again. Honestly, she sounds like one of those people who focuses on what everyone else does wrong but never questions themselves.

[Strandysmommy]

I don't know this chick, but I mean, If you really don't think you did wrong, and it seems like you didn't...maybe she's just got issues? Maybe she only wanted, or expected...you know...

 

Are as long as your interactions with her are consistant, and you're not playing games with her head, I think her little tantrum was uncalled for.

 

That's all.

[Caldus]

Chances are she's not worth your time anymore if she's going to treat you like that. I think she should've taken into consideration that you two are just getting to know each other and that it's the first date. Instead she sits there and criticizes you. I wouldn't date her again but it's your choice.

[mjctraider]

And I thought girls wanted to be treated with respect and not like a piece of meat. I would have done the same thing and not try to get "into her pants". I treat women with respect and would respect her personal space as well. Sounds to me like she wants a guy that will treat her like a piece of meat or something. I don't know though. I just think you did the right thing and she should apologize or something.