I want him back but he wont talk!!!

[lovelostlady]

ok, so I know i post on here a lot.

I am doing better actually. its been about 6 weeks since the breakup. I definitely have my deep depression moments, but I'm sort of used to the feeling of being without him now, ya know?

 

everyone was shocked by what a clean break it was. I don't think he expected me to let it be so clean. he thought he was going to have to comfort me and talk to me for weeks after, probably. but I just sort of grieved alone. what could he possibly say to me at that point?

 

now I kinda wish I hadn't let it be so clean. our communication since has been very limited. random polite conversation at work mostly. we laugh and joke but I definitely wouldnt say its the same at all.

 

I still want him back. should I be losing hope so early? I dont know. part of me says to fight for it, and the other part says leave him be. I know that a relationship can still be salvaged here, considering his reasons, and the fact that when we broke up we still had all the essentials for a long-lasting loving relationship : honesty, trust, respect, friendship. I feel like he just gave up and didnt want to work at the relationship. it wasnt quite as exciting as it was in the beginning, but its understandable considering our business. I know things would have gotten better. I even think if he gave us another go and we just started casually hanging out as friends, the spark would return and he would remember why he was with me for so long. but how can you convince someone to give that chance?

 

I have so many questions, and so many things that I want to say to him still. if its over for good, I need some closure here, because I have nothing. and now im as anxious as ever because he visited a female friend this weekend (one whom he had visited even while we were together and who i had mild jealousy over, but whom he recently insisted to a friend that he was "not dating"). im going over all the "what ifs" of their weekend together. he is not at all the type to seduce girls or anything or try to get some action. but I cant help but think it was exciting being in a different environment with this girl who he is friendly with but who he doesnt see often. its way more exciting than same old me everyday.

 

Ive decided that I will be quitting my job asap. I think its for the best. not even just for us, but I need something new anyways. I dont like his only thoughts and experiences with me being in a work environment. plus I am so not over him at all. everyday at work I just love him more and more and want him more. its a rollercoaster of emotions. i dont know how im going to feel one day to the next. absense makes the heart grow fonder or out of sight, out of mind? i dont know.

 

what do I do? I know that everyone says I cant initiate a conversation about "us" with him. but I deserve it! i need more answers. Im going crazy. we havent spoken of it at all since the day we broke up, and considering how close we've been for longer than our relationship, but the extent of our friendship -3 years, this is very troubling. how do I keep our connection intact? how do I slowly demolish the wall that he has put up around him, like he does when he wants to avoid a situation? how do so many people push things to the back of their mind and move forward like its nothing? I just want to scream "stop acting like you didnt just love me completely for the past 2 years!!!"

[ajk]

i know what you are going through really hurts. i think it's good that you've decided to quit your job (do you have another one, though, before you do?) so that you don't have to work with him.

do not worry yourself about him visiting his friend. get the thoughts of jealousy out of your mind. they are just making you hurt more, and you really have no idea what this situation is. he said she's his friend, then take it at that and don't think any more about it. in my experience, it was never the woman i was jealous of who was the one i had more reason to be jealous of. but you shouldn't be jealous of anyone. those thoughts only harm YOU and don't do anything to change the situation.

about him acting like he doesn't care, perhaps he needs to do that now. just believe in your heart that the feelings he had for you were real and that now he is going through something else that makes him forget those feelings, or push them below the surface. i have found that men handle things like that--"compartmentalize" is the word for it. nearly impossible for women to do!

be strong...

[Roasted Carrots]

I'm sorry you're in pain right now; I hope everything turns out for the better!

 

If he won't give you closure, you'll have to do it yourself. You can write him a letter with all of your questions and concerns and burn it, or you can seal it and put it away. If you're really brave, you can give him the letter and ask him to call you.

 

Another option is to have a conversation with yourself and "him", subsituting "him" with a dog, another friend, or a stuffed animal. (I know it sounds silly, but I have conversations with people I'm mad at in the shower and it seems to work for me. ) Here you can let out all your emotions: you can scream at him for breaking your heart, cry on his shoulder, joke and laugh until you cry some more, throw "him" accross the room... Whatever helps you most.

 

I don't know if you're seeing a counsoler right now or not, but if you're not, it's a very good idea. If you are, ask him/her to help you through this. If you're on medication for your depression, a change of dosage may be in order, because it sounds like you're more down than usual because of the breakup. (But I am not a doctor, this is not a professional opinion, so please see a doctor if you haven't already.)

 

In time, whether you get back together or not, you will heal. It will be slow, and it will be hard, but it will happen. In the meantime, try to pick up a new hobby to take your mind off him, or immerse yourself in your work. When you need us, we're here.

 

Take care, and good luck!

[Need_Help]

well i know exctly what you are going through . it hurts hard to let someone go and especially when the other person is working in the same place . i agree the best decision you can make now is to change your job that will make things a little easire.the same ting happened to me around 2 years ago and i had to face the guy each day at work .at first i did try to get him back n all . but you know what its not WORTH it .if a person really loves you they will not hurt you.

just give yourself sometime and all will be fine .try to get into some new hobbie or spend sometime with your friends ...it really helps .

and my dear try to stay away from that person as much as possible .keep he interactions to the minimum.

everything will be okay . i know its difficult at this stage but u will get through this .

 

just give it sometime.

[cassiana]

I know what you are going through i'm going through it myself, eight months and counting. When I was dumped I didn't express my anger and hurt. Instead I focussed on what behaviour would most likely win him back. A male counsellor friend of mine told me that he had told his ex calmly exactly how he felt about her good and bad and felt he had taken control back by doing so. "But did she come back?" I asked. "No" he said. So I told him then his feeling of control was purely an illusion. He still wanted her and she didn't ask him back.She has control.

I don't believe in closure. Its just an excuse to try and win them back one more time and that never works. Better to be seen to be getting on with your life.