I need flirting/socializing help talking to her!

[DaXMan]

Lately, I have been able to talk to girls better than I have in the past (ever since Homecoming's horrific experience...long story). In school, I can go up to them and start talking to them and be fine.

 

Unfortunately, I hardly get that chance to talk to them at something like when we're at a school hockey game. You see, I have a bunch of friends, but almost all of my "real close" friends don't even go for w/e reason (work, not feeling well, etc.) and I am forced to bounce around and talk to other people. At these games, I am really just an observer. I may say hi to a girl and that's it. It's not the same as in school, and it's tougher for me to talk to them.

 

A lot of the girls sit together in large packs (15+) and some talk to their "guy friends". I could go up top them and started talking to the girls and guys I know if I had to, but since I'm not great friends with those girls or the guys that are usually there, it would seem perhaps a little out-of-line if I just went up to them. Also, I'm not a great flirter so things can get awry.

 

I also am just cautious in these situations. As I mentioned above, I just observe and see what happens. At the last game I went to, I may have gotten some possible signals from the girl I like, but none were too strong (like when I got there and was going to my seat, she almost popped up out of nowhere but was near her friends, so I had to gently move her aside. The other thing was her and her friend looked in my direction a few/several times during the game although I was behind them and to the side).

 

In this situation, my question is how can I talk to the girl I like more easily in this situation? If I just come in, it may seem a little fishy. And with my buddies not being there, it's even tougher.

 

One more thing - this girl that I like is in two of my classes. For some reason, I just can't start a convo with her in the first class, where I sit right next to her! It's tougher to do it that class for some reason though...but in the other class, I can talk to her a little. In that class, she sits a few rows from me but I can talk to her more easily. I'm just having trouble because I feel when I start talking a girl such as her can see through me and tell where I'm going.

 

The bottom line: I need help flirting a little and talking to this girl and perhaps her friends more easily. Thanks.

[Celadon]

I'm just having trouble because I feel when I start talking a girl such as her can see through me and tell where I'm going.

 

The bottom line: I need help flirting a little and talking to this girl and perhaps her friends more easily. Thanks.

 

A couple thoughts, then. First, change "where you're going." As long as you think you're sooo interested in her and want to date her, that's all you'll be thinking about -- your goal. Friendships, real friendships, aren't that goal oriented. The ones that are the best are just two people being casual and making jokes and checking in on each other. So, anything you can do to readjust your attitude on her would probably help you relax and start getting to know her.

 

About the groups of girls and guys. Are there any guys that you can get to know better? I know, I know, this sounds like you'd be using him to get to her. Well ... not necessarily. Maybe you could find one of the guys, or one of the girls, who you'd actually be friends with. Do you have anything in common with any of them? Classes, clubs, school sports? Think of it as expanding your circle of friends. I think that's your best bet if you want to start fitting into that crowd. Then in time, you'll talk more to the girl you like too. Good luck!

[Alabama]

Well, I suggest maybe on occasion simply say to hi, to try to make it easier to talk to her. Then as you feel less nervous, maybe think of more things to say, or just make a joke. I'm sure in time, she'll then be more receptive, and a friendship could develop. Just have patience. Good luck!

[LeoCancMWM81]

I myself am a slightly shy person. I have said Hi to girls before, and been able to carry a small talk conversation. But, still I ned some work on that.

 

Yesterday, a group of girls came to my department, when I was working. LOL, they where cute, so it made it kind of hard to concentrate on my work, and I only had a few minutes left. As soon as I made contact with them they where extremely flirty. One stuck her pierced tongue out at me, and smiled. Usually a shy people arent used to that. Not to say I dont like it. But, Im not sure if it was, because they where friends just fooling around. They asked me what kind of work I do, and if i like it. I soon found out one of the older girls brothers was applying for a job here. She also is new in town. The same girl came up to me, "You seem like a nice guy," and gave me her number. She says "Call me." She seemed a bit nervous, but not nearly as nervous as I would be. I nervously said "Ok, Ill think about it; *cough* yeah, Ill call you sometime." As she walked away, I was like "D'oh! what a dork."

 

Im not sure wether I should call her though. The thing is I still live at home. And shes the kind of girl my parents may not like. So, Im not so good at pulling off secret relationships. I could always ignore them, but I respect my parents too much. Maybe too much.

Also, If her brother starts working here, that just might be strange. Because I barely know them.

[Celadon]

Leo, why don't you go meet her for coffee or something? Start off simple.

 

Although you live at home and have other concerns, you don't even know right now if you and she even would get along, you know? I would suggest you do yourself a favor by just talking with her, to get to know her and let her get to know you. If you're looking for a relationship, it has to be rooted in a genuine friendship, which goes beyond just flirting.

 

If she really isn't the type of person your parents would like, you can figure out then what to do. But who knows, she just may be okay afterall.

[sk2000]

Here are a couple of suggestions in no particular order:

1. Put your feelings aside in regards to your pursuit and feel like you have every right to come up to the ladies. You will find it easier and less pressure on yourself. Which leads to the next suggestion.

2. Bring CONFIDENCE into the table. A powerful message will come accross to them that you are willing to talk to them. Pretty harmless, huh?

3. Stimulate their mind by sincerely making fun of them. Not harmful, just some fun joking around. That is a form of flirting. BUT what is important, that I have not heard from everyone else here, is that you need to get the ladies involved too. It cannot be one sided. Give them a challenge for your company by asking harmless open ended questions about their insecurities. Not harmful questions. Its something to keep their minds busy. Just stay positive and confident.

Your goal is to have some fun and keep their attention. Once one of these lucky ladies are close enough to feel your vibe, you won't think about anymore confidence issues. I have a feeling that the term "flirting" is not the word, but rather "opening up."

But when you do flirt, be nice and sincere with your compliments. Heck.... even compliments come before flirting... jeez your a mess!!!!

And do me a favor by not being so over analytical about their head angles and your positioning. Its pointless and nothing happens. Your not a playa unless you jump in the playground! FO SHO!!

[LeoCancMWM81]

Forgive me for being so observant in my posts. Its just the way some artists think. We are good observers.

 

What kind of mess do you think I'm in? That im a nervous over-observant wreck?

I am no flirt (unless I know and like a girl); and, definitely not a Playa. Surely, the way they were acting was just fooling around; and/or, trying to figure out the way I would react. They wouldnt act like that, around me for "nothing", unless they were drunk or something. Perhaps I am thinking to much about the way they are acting, and not enough on how I should react.

 

Im not saying I want to get into a relationship right away. No, Im not that kind of person. Except I'd rather start a friendship, and get to know her. She did apologize the next day, for acting like such a goof; because, she thought they may have caught me off guard. So, maybe that personality she had before, wasnt one she was fully committed to. Heck, she didn't even know me. Well, Im going to go ahead and talk to her ASAP. I just hope she isnt mad, I havent called yet. Yep, thats another problem I have. I sometimes think to much about how people might react. I guess I am a mess.

 

Heres a little more I said in my own thread. Some of it is the same:

 

 

[Greatwolf]

All very good points but it's easier said then done. I also happen to be a shy person myself and my social skills leaves a lot to be desired. My idea of fun is sitting in front of the computer most of the day programming and working on games. So someone like me, how would you suggest I start applying your tips?

 

Thanks

[LeoCancMWM81]

Actually to tell you all the truth, Im not so super shy with girls. I can become friends with them pretty easily. I usually joke around and have small talk conversations. But, its really just friend to friend talk. Although the shyness is still there, whenever I think about asking someone out. Maybe if I get to know someone better I would be more comfortable with this. In fact, there is this one girl I work with, that I think I would like a lot better. She is a very nice girl, with a great personality. But, right now she is a good friend.

 

But like this guy I am a computer nerd. I spend a lot of time doing photoshop concepts, playing video games, homework, etc. The career I want to get into is a cut throat industry, and need a lot of experience. So for most people like me, it seems hopeless. But, it really depends how you work your schedual.

 

If anything, Ill only become friends with the first girl I mentioned. And my social skills, I feel, really depend on who Im talking to. Since I know this one girl more, its easier to talk with her.

[Unmotivated]

The same girl came up to me, "You seem like a nice guy," and gave me her number. She says "Call me."

 

Wow. I wish something like that would happen to me.