Odd feeling... Kinda hate myself.

[atticus22]

I don't understand.

 

In the past, in relationships, i was mostly carefree. I didn't mind if she went out, didn't mind who she talked to, or going out myself, or anything...

 

Now, with the girl im with (my fiance), I feel VERY jealous or insecure. And for no real reason at all. She's honest for the most part, aside from

little things that really don't matter. Very forth coming, etc.

 

I HATE clubs... I have no love for them. All her friends are all interested in girls night... and ofcourse it has to be at a club. My fiance promised

me she wouldn't go anymore, not only does she not have an interest anymore but she understands where I am coming from. I think clubs are

meant for single people... Too much touching and grinding and things. Men just go to get laid. I know this. I've been there. lol

 

But even other things,

 

We're discussing bachelor and bachelorette parties and we decided that since most of those include strippers and bad decisions, maybe it is best

that we have a jack and jill.. but then her friends pipe in and say 'well all the girls can go out after to the bar!!'... no. the idea is that a jack and jill

are for the 2 involved in the wedding, not splitting up through the night. Now, my fiance didnt say much, she didn't seem too interested just

replied with a 'maybe' and that was it.

 

I don't really trust her friends. I do trust her but she also seems to be pretty interested in pleasing her friends and that sort of makes me a bit

nervous.

 

I hate this feeling. I haven't had it before, it makes me frustrated with myself. I have no idea how to shake it. It's like whenever anything is mentioned

about going out with the girls or over to a girlfriends house I immediately jump to the worst case scenario in my head. I tell her to go and have fun

but then I just kick the crap out of myself in my head all night until it is over.. I still don't like hearing about the bar or clubs, makes my stomach turn.

 

This could be due to past conversations and stories about her 'single' nights in the bar... stories of flirting for drinks, picking up guys, etc.

 

And ex boyfriends contact her once and a while. DRIVES ME NUTS. Why do they need to contact her? They know she's in a committed relationship,

they know she's happy. I do my best at keeping this all quiet so she doesn't go crazy as well, but I have no idea how to handle this stuff. I've never

had this issue before. To be honest, to me, its a case of respect... I wouldn't be going out for drinks and getting grinded on by girls at the bar, or

talking to ex girlfriends or whatever to put myself in a tricky situation with her, so I think that maybe she shouldn't do that either? Mutual respect?

 

She doesn't talk to the ex's... i told her it was fine, but if anything inappropriate comes out, then id appreciate the communication stopping. She agreed

but then decided against talking to them anyhow. No interest in them i suppose?

 

anyways. im just throwing out random thoughts. obviously this is how my mind works. fml.

[justagirl123]

I'm 25 years old and just spent 7 months separated from my fiance for everything you just listed.

 

Desirable people will be desired. Unfortunately, that's the case.

 

Is there maybe something inside of you that feels unworthy of dating her? The story you tell makes her seem quite lovely, popular, people want to be around her, beautiful, has her exs lusting over her, etc.

 

If you want to date a girl where this won't be an issue feel free to settle down with a depend-a-pottamus who wants to have 17 babies and never have a proper career, or social life of her own. It's not necessairily that cut and dry, but it seems like it's her friends that you don't like. And unfortunately if you continue to drive a wedge between her and her friends (she's young, if you love her and trust her she should be allowed to go socialize for the night without being subjected to your scrutiny that stems from your own insecurities) if will likely be you that ends up alone.

 

I could be missing details, and am not trying to be rude, but I tolerated jealous behavior and my social activities being limited for about 6-12 months before I realized that kind of controlling behavior and odd thought process was unhealthy. I left him and moved out on my own.

 

We are back together now, however, I tolerate NONE of that nonsense from him, and he has seen the error of his ways. He knows I'm going to go out (not a big clubber but if i want to go once in a blue moon I will do what I please. I'll never grind or rub up against people, maybe you were just hanging out with the nastiest girls in the club) when I want, see my friends, and enjoy my life. He also realises that the fact that sometimes my exes send me an email, or people are drawn to me, is a big compliment to him. Also, he trusts me and knows I would never cheat.

 

So the question is, do you think she's cheating on you? Or do you think you're maybe being a little controlling and unreasonable towards her and her friends, and that maybe these are YOUR insecurities, not hers?

[El0t]

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm the exact same way.

 

I know it's hard to let go... sometimes the type of person you are is compatible with the person you're with but not their friends. It's a tough spot to be in. Ultimately though, you need to respect her and trust her if things are going to work, and that means letting her choose her friends and spend time with them. I would imagine that she doesn't have a desire to go grind with guys at the bar, nor will she do it, but she deserves a night out with her friends to just have fun. Her focus is on her friends and celebrating your upcoming marriage; not on other men.

 

It sounds like you've brought up the issues, so it's good that you're in open communication about them. As far as the exs... I tend to agree; she has no business being in contact with them or letting them contact her. From what you wrote, it sounds like she's already agreed that she doesn't want contact with them and is cutting that, so that's great.

 

The friends thing will pass. They're young and haven't found a great guy like your fiance has. They'll grow up and get it soon. I really doubt this will be an ongoing problem, so let it go for now, as hard as that may be.

 

Best of luck and congrats!