Very shy 23 year old

[LuciaSeia]

So I just started, I think dating, this guy whom I have liked since I was 16 ( I am 22 and haven't seen him since I moved back from school). Anyway, he has shown interest in me ( I think). He just confuses me, when he calls he sounds like he is mumbling and doesn't really want to talk, and when he does it's about what he is doing and not questions about me. The other day we went for a walk and he was telling me how wishes he could take a day off work, since i am currently not working. I am guessing he meant that to say he's like to hang out with me? I know I am degrading back into the mindframe of a 16 year old, but all the feelings I had then... are flooding my head right now. Does he like me? or is he just bored?

[Ceema-k]

That's awesome how you met this guy again after all this time and have a "second chance", so to speak.

 

There isn't much to go on so far. It sounds like he is a shy guy... and if he really is then you may need to step out of the traditional female role and take more initiative to get the ball rolling.

[LuciaSeia]

So, I now know the extent of his shyness. I had to iniate the kiss, later at the party he told me how much he likes spending time with me..but he still doesn't make that much of an effort to go out of his way for me! For example, he doesn't open car doors or tell me I look nice. I just don't know if I should continue 'dating' him, or let him go on his way. He's socially awkward around females I am guessing. Book smarts, but no street smarts. Maybe I am higher maintence than I thought, but at 23 I would think he would have some gentlemanly ways. If a guy is interested, wouldn't he be more curtious? It has only been a week too..maybe I'm overreacting.

[corvidae]

I think you are overreacting. You have this idea about how a man who is interested in you should behave, but he doesn't know what you're expecting. In fact, he might have a whole list of things that he would expect a woman to do if she were interested in him, and maybe because you aren't doing them he thinks that you're being distant or not interested. Try to be more patient and more open. Try making some effort with him.

[REALITYMAN]

look i understand you . you are a young woman who wants a real man and to express his thoughts and feelings towards you as a man should . your guy , he acts like a wimp . you should not have to be the man in the relationship . it is his job as a man . no woman will be attracted to a guy who is girlish . she needs a man to be strong and protective and lead her . she needs her hero. i am this way . i find it disappointing that women have to deal with these weak men . if you have to be the man and do the work of the man you will lose any attraction . afterall the point is to have fun and be in the company of a man who knows what life is about and makes your life more interesting . i just said what i feel . this is what i believe . i am this way . it is natural . i hope it gives you some insight . happy holidays ! , johnny

[Queen_Midas]

oh my gosh, we share more than a bday and a similar background hun, we share the same taste in guys?1 LOL!

 

The guy I have a crush on is exactly the same.. (u've probably already read in my previous billion posts!!lol).. he walks me to the station at night after we volunteer..goes out of his way, for my safety (i think?!)..and one day he says when i offer him chocolate, is that all ur having to eat tonite? And I was like what? (at the time my neurotic mind was saying, does e think i have an eating disorder??lol)..but now I'm wondering, was he hinting at something more?

 

I think ur guy likes u if he makes the effort to call u at all..wish my guy would. Maybe bite the bullet and ask him (to his face) if he'd like to go for a drink, or something little..not too much pressure that way!!

 

Good luck,

QM.

[LuciaSeia]

I think I scared him away. Last night we got into a bit of a drunken snarl. I asked him why he doesn't open the doors for me and If we are just friends, then I understand why. But...if he likes me, I would have liked for him to open the door. Well long story short, he got defensive and said well "some guys who do that only want one thing", "wouldn't you rather have a guy who's not like that, but just falls short of opening doors and doing things like in movies"?! AHhhhh. my overly blunt ways may have freaked him out.

 

 

We ended up going for a midnight stroll and I leaned over to kiss him (had to have been the alcohol working). He kissed me but very briefly and then said he was confused. I know that he had to have liked me..but is it a possibility he lost interest the moment I got to frank about his ungentlemanly manners?? Ugh. He also knows I just got out of a relationship.

 

 

Is there anything I can do to make ammends with him? I feel slightly bad about being so forward. I don't want him to think I'm rude, pushy and weird.

[REALITYMAN]

no , you were being honest with him . you told him how you felt . like i stated earlier , he is not the gallant gentleman that will lead and be your hero . he is wimpy . i think you scared him , because he is not used to your remark . so he probably does see himself as confused . because he does not know what to do ? he also does not know what to say ? he may be intimidated by you at this point . but i would wait he may call you . after he gets over it . don't give up on him yet .

[LuciaSeia]

Yes, he did call me! He said he hasn't been a in a relationship in a long time. So I guess Ikll try to be patient. I am just a little annoyed because when he takes me out, his friends treat me more like a lady than he does!! I know he must like me, but he can't even kiss me! Can a guy be soo shy that he can't even initiate a kiss with a girl he NOW knows likes him? Ugh

[REALITYMAN]

i feel he is just being himself . this is the way he is . he is not thinking about your needs . so he may act rudely but it is his demeanor .i believe that a man should always be GALLANT , RESPECTFUL AND BE A CARING PERSON TOWARDS HIS GIRLFRIEND . . GOOD LUCK . BEST WISHES , R.M.

[LuciaSeia]

Are you saying I am wasting my time with him?

[REALITYMAN]

NO , I AM SAYING THAT YOU DESERVE A SPECIAL GUY WHO IS STRONG AND PROTECTIVE , YET WARM AND TENDER AND UNDERSTANDING TOWARDS YOUR NEEDS AND FEELINGS . I AM THIS TYPE OF MAN . YOU SEEM LIKE A SPECIAL PERSON AND WHY SHOULD YOU LOWER YOURSELF . I AM LIKE THAT . I KNOW IT IS RARE , BUT I FEEL YOU DESERVE THAT . WHY PUT UP WITH COLD OR INDIFFERENT BEHAVIOR? I THINK YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT . YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF . IT IS NICE TALKING TO YOU. HAVE A GREAT DAY ! BEST WISHES , R.M.

[LuciaSeia]

Wow. Well, thanks for the kind words. I guess I am just fast on the rebound and this guy seems to give me butterflys. He calls me almost everyday, takes me out, and well is being a great distraction. I don't think I could handle a guy who is too protective or strong, it would probably scare me away since I need alot of freedom. I like his aura of mystery and intrigue.

[Iceman26]

I dont think he is necessarily wimpy, he probably just doesn't have a lot of experience with girls. There is no guidebook to being a man, that comes within and with experience and he may be a late bloomer.

 

If I were you, I would bring up whats going on in your life in a conversation and see if he asks you questions about you and what is going on in your life. If it becomes a problem, talk to him and tell him you what you would like.....he cant read your mind, and he sounds inexperienced, so you have to help him find his way.

[corvidae]

Well said Iceman26! Men are not 'supposed' to be anything. We are all individuals and have our own histories and our own ways of doing things. Dating, flirting and so on are even more prone to problems such as misinterpretation and misunderstandings than other types of relationships. Realityman is very sure of himself and that's good for him. I'm not nearly so sure of myself and a girl might find me stand-offish or moody, just because I tend to worry and overanalyse things. Give a little and see if he gives back. Rather than going by some personal rule book you have in your head, play it by ear and see what happens. All the best.

[LuciaSeia]

So...he kissed me..he opens doors now...and he amitted it is usually very shy. What are some things I can do or say to him to make him feel more comfortable. Right now he's the one who calls mostly, ...I never like to be the one to call guys but should I start? I just don't want to seem too eager to call him. Maybe that'll scare him away?

[Iceman26]

I think you should just reassure him of when he does good things or compliment him.

 

Yes give him a call every now and then. If you want to have a relationship where you are equals, then you should call him every once in a while.

[LuciaSeia]

Aha!!! I figured it out..to all the ladies who want to get a shy guy..or at least get him to open up. Tease him!!! We talked for an hour last night..and I could tell he hadn't opened up or talked to someone like that in a while. Make him laugh and tease him, flirt, and compliment him!

 

It just clicked...he likes me, and I definitly think he's a good guy underneath his quiet aloof exterior. Whoo hoo Potential boyfriend material...why is it that I always go for the shy ones? ...because they are just so much fun!!!!