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Jlk86

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This is the first time I've ever been on a forum before so I thought I would give it a go...

So long story cut short.. After having this guy as a good friend for almost 2 years (and him chasing me for a year) I went through a stage where I wasn't interested in him for a period of about 3 months. We lost contact and I realised I started to miss him. Luckily I found him again out of the blue after trying for months to get hold of him, we started talking and he asked me to meet up. I agreed and it just went onwards and upwards and I realised quite quickly just how much he meant to me. He was one of the only guys to have been there for me and truly cared about me and I was annoyed at myself for not seeing this before..

Everything was going great for 2 months, I even took him to meet my dad because he wanted to and then all of a sudden it all goes wrong.

I received a phone call from him the other day after him not contacting me for a whole day (which was really unusual) and he told me that his ex gf of 10 years was 6 months pregnant with his baby and she had been keeping it a secret.

Being the good guy that he is - he couldn't just leave her, so he went back to her and was planning on staying by her side to bring up that child even though their relationship had failed 2 times before and they decided to go their separate ways for good. Unfortunately there were complications and she ended up losing the baby.

His life has been turned upside down in a space of 3 days and I can't imagine how they both must be feeling.. I know it's so awful what's happened.

But I've also been caught up in the whole of this, I don't blame anybody and know what I'm going through is nothing compared to what they are.. But this is a guy I think I love and saw myself settling down with and I'm truly devastated.

He doesn't know if they will be getting back together right now and he is changing his number because his ex doesn't want us to have any contact at all.. But he did give me his sisters number for some reason..

I would appreciate any thoughts and please don't think I'm being selfish for thinking about my feelings through this difficult time.

I wonder if anyone will actually read all of this sorry..

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I think in this situation you need to give him some space. He may have very strong feelings for you but he needs to focus on healing these emotional wounds first. If his ex has the power in his life to have him change his number and not give it to you and he is willing to do that then clearly things between them are not over. I think you should be strong on your own and move on for now, maybe in the future timing will be better for the two of you but I think getting in the middle of his current affairs will only increase his emotional drama in a very dark time for him. If you care about him let him heal first.

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Thankyou so much for your reply, it means a lot. I know I definitely need to give him space.. She is even going to be stopping with him so he can look after her. And only last week it was me who was staying with him.

I'm hurt he has to change his number and she has that much control over him but at the same time I can understand because he doesn't know if I would be hassling him or not and he wouldn't need that right now. At least he's given me his sisters number so ties aren't cut completely.

Thanks again, appreciate it.

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I'm sorry I can't give any advice like you gave me but I hope that you are able to stay strong through these tough times and I agree with tessheart that maybe your time isn't now but in the future when things have settled and passed a bit you might be able to make things work. I think if you want to build a healthy and successful relationship with him then you need to give him time to work through this so he is also ready and able to build that relationship with you. Im sending you hugs xx

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This is hard because there is no official closure and you are left wondering if there will be a closure talk or if this is just a phase. Best though that you leave him alone like what the others are already saying. Try to keep your mind preoccupied with other things at the moment. This is so hard to follow but it works for me.

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  • 1 month later...

Hello, I just wanted to thank you all for your replies. It's been about 6 weeks and I'm feeling much better.. I managed to talk to him face to face after just turning up at his - he is still living with her but I understand why he feels he has to.

In the mean time, my whole life has changed around thanks to an amazing career opportunity and I know deep down that this is not the right time for me to have a boyfriend anyway because I wouldn't throw my everything into this.

Time really is a healer and whether he comes back to me or not.. It doesn't matter because I will find someone else (eventually).

Thanks again ☺️

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