Best Friend Problem

[SRV524]

I'm sorta in the same predicament that Mr. X is in (friend at work, fell in love, friend had other bf's but never me), but I didn't go away lol.

I met here almost 2 yrs ago, and ever since then I've been head over heels for her, all the while she's had bf's. We fooled around a little bit, but that was early on, and I'm in love with her. I'd do anyhting for her: I've given her rides when she was supposed to walk 10 miles to see her bf (well, ex now), bought her stuff, etc. Even my ex whom I was dating at that time was jealous of her. All the while though, she's had bf's and I've been here lonely. I've given her rides to see her bf's and then had to wait while she talked ot them or something (not intentionally hurting me).

I told her when I was home back in march that I loved her, and at first she said she loved me too as a FRIEND, and then I repeated it and she was just like "Oh......." and then she didn't really talk to me like normal that night. Ever since then, I've just shyed away from talking to her about that.

She's with a bf now that she likes, been a few weeks, but deep down I know that we're meant to be together. Her parents and mine say we'd look good together, half of my fmaily thinks we're together bc she's always with me and we always joke around (I tickle her, we hug a lot, we talk about us having sex and stuff joking around, I put my arms around her, etc.) But all the while, she just keeps saying that "we're friends and can't be any more". When I was picking out my tux for her prom (she didn't have her bf when she asked me), we were waiting in line and I was joking around like usual and she said "You're my best friend. I wouldn't do anything more than that with you and best friends mean more than boyfriends anyday." While that was nice, it KILLED me.

We watched a movie today, and she sorta fell asleep for a few min but we were sorta cuddling on the chair. It felt great, I wasn't lonely for once and it felt really natural.

One thing that she said today was that every bf she's had she's cheated on bc she wants to be able to fool around and stuff. I respect that, but it ticked me off and if we dated, would she do that to me? She also said that a few days ago she had a dream that she was in college and I graduated, then she did (I'm a yr ahead), and then she dumped her bf, we made love and then got married to live happily ever after. I know if she's dreaming something like this then her subconscience has to be telling her that I'm the right guy, right?

Long story short (too late), what do I do? I was going to wait until I was about to leave for college and then give her one of those "won't see you again for awhile so I'll give you a long passionate kiss" sorta things, but I wouldn't do that if she had a bf still. I love the girl, and I'd do anything for her, but she's been hurt a lot by all of her past bf's (3 in 2 yrs that I've known her and they've all been a-holes except for this one, so far). I love her and I'd do anything for her, but I don't think that she understands the extremeness of how much I care about her. I mean, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything if she won't go out with me, but I love her and will do anything for her and I jsut want to see if it will work out, but she said that she wouldn't do anything with me bc I'm her best friend and all that stuff.

I just want to give it a chance, is there anything I can do to convince her of at least trying (if she doesn't have a bf then)? I'm just sick of hearing how she's been hurt bc she comes to me whenever something bad happens, and I always have to hear about it and I always get hurt bc she's got these guys that treat her like shit but they don't care that she's amazing. Anyways, I'll stop writing, but I'd appreciate feedback if any can be provided. Thank you all.

[silvanesti]

Hi.

 

Ok... this is how I see it with the information given.

 

Throughout the last three years, it seems like you are her only constant. You are the one that runs to when she needs to lick her wounds. Now when you said

You're my best friend. I wouldn't do anything more than that with you and best friends mean more than boyfriends anyday

You basically hit the nail right on the head.

 

You see, you have a part of her that none of her other boyfriends have. You and her have an emotional bond, that grew out of friendship.

 

Maybe she doesn't want to be your girlfriend becuase she doesn't want to loose you. Like she has with so many boyfriends.

 

As for the dream... I'd say have paitience. Maybe something might happen when you and her have grown up. But if you want the relationship to move to the next level, just remember one thing. It's all aoubt her. She's scared. Let her take things in her own stride. If you force her she'll back off.

 

Oh and about her cheating on her bfs. You know who she is. The person she is now is the one you fell for. Why would you expect her to change just because she started to date you?

[SRV524]

That's what I've been toldy a few people- wait it out and see what happens. I didn't mean that I wanted her to change if I dated her, but I'm just saying that it would be difficult for me in that relationship bc I'd be worried that she would.

Do you think it would be wise for me to ask her about us dating? I'm not going to ask her to date me, just in a "what if we dated" sort of thing- as in would she not want to lose me by dating.

[silvanesti]

By the sound of it, you have already made the first move. She knows how you feel about her. If she is interested in furthering you relationship, let her make the next move. That way she won't feel pressured into make a decision right away.

 

I know that this must be really hard for you, but all you can do right now is wait. The kind of relationship that you are looking for, she might not be ready to give. If she is cheating on her boyfriends, that kind of says she has some commitment issues. And to her, the kind of relationship that you propose might be really scarey for her. Unfortunatley, all you can do is wait for her.

 

But if you want to find out where she stands, don't do the hypothetical questions... cuz we always know who the "friend" is. And do it as subtle as possible. If you haven't mastered the art of subtlety, then don't.

 

I have a feeling, that when she is ready, she'll come to you. Right now, I think you've done all you can. Just be there for her. And be what she needs you to be.

[SRV524]

I talked to my cousin about this and she said to just sit with her in a private, quiet place and just tell her everything. I was just going to tell her that I love her, I care about her, I want to be with her, etc. but also that if it doesn't work out, we can still be friends and all. I think that she's scared and doesn't want to make the first step towards this, so I'm going to just tell her how I feel and be open about things.

[SRV524]

it was pretty much that she said that we were already like bf/gf bc we knew about each other, hung out a lot, etc.....just not the physical stuff. She also said that it would be hard going back to a friendship in case it didn't work out, but I said that I would be willing ot try it since you never really know what could happen. Eh well....I have the feeling that it's gonna be like one of those movies where the girl doesn't like the best friend but the guy is in love with her and she goes for someone else, then he goes away and when he comes back 10 yrs down the road, shes like "oh my god! it was you all along!" I wanna write a story about this.....I also just watched Bruce Almighty 2 days ago with her and I wanted her a lot then, and then I watched Mr. Destiny tonite, so I'm all up on the "fate happens" sorta thing lol.