Old story, new twist - Is she trying to hurt me?

[Santa]

Basically ages ago, i liked this girl. Basically, i oculdn't be bothered to play games with this girl anymore, so i thought #### it, and gave up on her. Anyway, i try to remain friends with her (I have become really good mates with all her mates which are girls), but she seems to act funnily to me. When we talk over the mobile phone, or on the internet, we are good, but in real life, she just seems to be scared of me for some dumb reason - true im scarred of speaking to her in person for some unknown reason. Sometimes i catch her stairing at me still, and so do my mates. I have actually even said to her "Why do you keep doing this - stairing at me, if you no interest in me?" and she said sorry, and she doesn't mean to do it. Anyway, yesterday, it was the last day of school, so i invite her over to a party. Basically, at this party, she starts touching one of my mates up, like cuddling him and putting her hand on his ass - right in fornt of me. She has a boyfriend and everything... my mate was drunk, but she wasn't. Maybe shes a cheating slut, or maybe shes trying to hurt me for some dumb reason. Should i worry over this? I don't have a crush on her, but i still think shes attractive. She is the kind of person that flirts with people though... and what about her poor boyfriend? Hes a nice guy and all... Maybe im being a bit big headed, and thinking shes doing it to get at me, but well what should i do? Just leave it? Im so confused!

[sisterlynch]

I think you like this girl and want her to make a move on you, is that right? You were upset that she was playing with your friend and not you -- and still she has a boyfriend. So what do you want, a girl who looks like that -- and doesn't like your friend, and doesn't have a boyfriend that she seems to cheat on?

 

Just because you are attracted to someone, you don't always have to act upon that attraction, people are attracted to others all the time, and you just figure out what your boundaries are and stick with them.

 

If you were in a relationship, then you would still have some boundary issues: like what to do on a first date, what to do when she isn't with you and you see or talk to someone that you are attracted to, these problems don't end when you get older either, you just will have more confidence and experience in dealing with the opposite sex.

 

If you are just friends and deside that that is ok with you and her both, you could say to her, because the only way that you'll learn is by asking right? So sometime when your friend is out getting another drink and you are alone with the girl, say do you like so and so (say your friend's name)?

 

I thought that you already had a boyfriend, and she'll say something like oh my boyfriend and I have an agreement. This means that she has an open relationship, and she intends to play the field ... But Santa, is this what you really want? Doesn't it feel like you may be selling yourself short? Listen to your innervoice, it is the voice of your conscience speaking to you, you need to relax and let it speak, learn to listen to your own feelings, about things, I bet that you'll find you are right 95% of the time!

[Santa]

Dude, i honestly can say i didnt invite her because i thought there might be a chance that she might make a move on me - no way! Im not jealous she was doing stuff with him, well maybe i am a little, but to be honest, if i wasn't there, i couldn't care less. It was just the fact that she knew i knew she had a boyfriend, and the fact that he was my mate, and she was doing it infront of me that bugs me. If she was attracted to him, why couldnt she do it discretly - you know its like i was tlaking to him, and she comes upto him and starts pysicaly flirting with him. It felt like she was doing it to make me jealous, and annoy me. She knew i used to like her, thats why i think she was doing it infront of me all the time. But yeah, i think the best thing i can do is just leave it, and totally try to end my friendship with her, but keep a freinship with her mates. I wont have an argument or nothing with her, i just wont invite her to parties anymore etc. Also, i know shes stopping me going to another party - cuz like her friends like i said earlier are kind of friends with me, and im sure they would love me to go, but everytime i start to tlak to one of them about this party, she pulls a funny face, and they suddenly stop talking. Im sure she doesn't like me, and that why she pretends to like me, but does these things that she knows annoys me. Also it seems to me that when i flirt with other people, she seems annoyed. In fact im not going to even tlak baout this anymore, im just going to ignore her. Thanx for your reply, its made me think.

[sisterlynch]

I think that maybe you each like one another, but it is a timing issue, she has a boyfriend so she is acting above you, and you don't care for that very much.

 

It is kind of like she is playing hard to get, and each of you are trying to make the other jealous, so that is a sign that you both like one another.

 

This is just one of my theories, the other person most likely feels the same way for you as you do toward them. If you ignore her, she will continue to bug you until you pay attention to her, that is what she is after lots of attention, positive or negative, she doesn't care!