What next? Need some advice

[glen]

Hi,

I got this new gf for about 3 months, I like her alot and start to love her too. One month into our relationship I came to know, she has bf. I ask her to make deicison and she choose me and we move on. She give her full attention to me , I have never been loved so much by anyone before. Everything was getting on track , but the ex bf keep sending her msg's and I ask her and she told me he needs time to forget her. Later one day she went to collect some stuff from his ex bf's place and find another women at home, he was not at home and he admit that the woman at his place is not his new gf but a prostitute. My gf was very upset with this , and she coludnt take this . She thinks she is guilty and her ex has done this cos of her. Now she is telling me ,she didnt realise that she loved him so much . I ask his ex bf to talk to her and explain , so she can feel better. But now , she want to break from me and want to be alone for a while. I really love her alot and commit my self fully to this relationship. I do not understand her reaction , I feel that after this break that she wants, I will loose her. I have never done anything wrong and want her to be happy. She has spend 3 years with her ex bf and 3 months with me. I cant possibly stand anywhere in terms of time for her previous relationship. Her ex bf tried some dirty tricks before to get her back from me, and she is aware of that. I do not want to loose her, she is trying get the new place for her in couple of weeks.

 

Please advice me , I really want to be with her.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal

I agree with u that he is not a good guy. Maybe u can tell ur gf that u have seek help from somewhere and thats for her understanding of ur state.

 

Say also that he is a bad guy for sleeping some woman, and ask her can she tolerate him shld she goes back. (for this try to express ur anger, to tell her u feel betrayed by that ex)

 

And next i feel if she is guilty u got to double check, would it be thats the way she treated her ex, she slept with someone, and thats u, when she was abt to break off with that ex.

 

If thats the stated example, i think u have to ask her of her decision then she made to be with u EARLIER ON

 

i am sorry i cant help u for the karma u reap, i cant tell u to un-sow also. i can only say, let it ripe like a fruit, u will know what is meant for u .

[Heretic]

Heya Glen! Welcome to eNotalone.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation but unfortunately you should let her have her space. She needs it. If you can show her that you like her so much you're willing to let her go, she'll come back.

 

If you try to hold onto her you might scare her away. Honestly this is the best thing for the both of you. She'll get her space, and you'll get her back.

 

There's no guarantee you'll get her back but I can promise you'll lose her if you don't give her this space.

 

I hope this helps. I also wish you the best of luck!

[Prosper]

yupz! i agree with heretic! do everything i said earlier on and then gives her lotsa of space before she breaks down and then come back once or twice to see how she is, then u are sure, take her back at the appropriate time! lolx

[glen]

Hi Pals,

 

Thanks for the advice , Just contacted her that I would help her finding her new place. And if fated we gonna be together.

 

Couldn't understand 2nd point by Prosper:

"And next i feel if she is guilty u got to double check, would it be thats the way she treated her ex, she slept with someone, and thats u, when she was abt to break off with that ex. "

[glen]

Its difficult to let her go at this moment, I love her and I have to do it. She met her ex last night and I became paranoid. Its so difficult to accept the reality. She told me whatever has happened , end of the day love is blind, and she is right. I would try my best to let her do what she wants, if I am lucky ,she would come back to me.

[glen]

Atlast the thing I feared most happened last night, she told me that she wanna give her ex another chance as their relationship lasted for 3 years. I do not know what to say to her, but what I want is to get her back. I showered all my love to her, give her full attention for last few weeks, I am lost and do not know where I went wrong. Pleas advice, if there is any way to get her back........

[detox5]

Well tbh she is the real loser here, he is untrustworthy, he was with a prostitute for godsake.

Theres not much you can do, dude she loved you remember that!

Just disapear, he is gonan hurt her again, he will either cheat or just be a loser, and you cant say to her look hes not right for you, shes has to learn the hard way. You are the nice guy in the situation, I have known girls that have gone back to there idiot bf's and thought, well i was much happier with the guy I just broke with "you"

 

If her love for you was real, then I think she will relise that you made her real happy, you are trustworthy, only you can answer if you was a rebound or if she really loved you.

Another thing, she wants to give him another chance, she thinks its gonna be as happy and great as before when she was with him. Well i dont think this is gonna happen, is he has done the things you have mentioned.

Try not to be around at ALL, she will miss you not being around and will just get fed up with this idiot treating her bad and come lookin for you i think.

[keefy1972]

Buddy, I have to tell you, with the exception of the prostitute, my situation resembles yours to a tee. I was only with my ex for a few months, fell deeply in love with her, and she was actually still in a relationship with a man. They had been together for over six years and when me and her started dating things were going beautifully.

 

She wanted to try to maintain a friendship with her ex and because of that, she found out that he had himself a new girlfriend after only a month. This seems to drive women crazy because it seemed to have lit a fire in her for him. She told me she needed space to figure out if he was really not what she wanted.

 

I did everything that you could imagine to get her back. Told her we were meant to be, that I loved her very much, jumped at her beckon call. All things that would drive someone away. We have maintained a relationship on a friendly level for over 9 months now and I still hurt everyday by not having her in my life in the capacity that I want.

If I could do it all over again, I would have immediately given her the space she asked for instead of acting like a needy and desperate fool. I would have shown strength by living my life to the fullest with or without her.

Bythe way, 9 months later and her and her ex are still trying to figure out, after 6 years of being together and over a year of not being together if it is worth trying again. I have basically been waiting this entire time for her to tell me one way or another. She tells me that she is too afraid of losing me forever to tell me that we will never work out.

 

My advice to you Glen, is to give her the space she needs right now. You will look all the better for it in her eyes. I promise you.

[glen]

Thanks for your advice , its hard to let her go but I would do it. I was trying not to tell her to stay, but I did mention once and will not do it again. She seems happy with me ,but still wanna go, I wanna give her a ring and would let her go. If fated, she would come back. Recently she came to know her ex is dating other gals, do not know will this negative for me or not.

[glen]

Atlast she has moved out day before. It was most emotional time for me when I send her down to carpark. She msg me and called me couple of times that nite. We went for dinner following day, I can see tears in her eyes, still trying to figure out what going in her mind. I woke up few times in night , difficult to get over her. We still sms and will see each other.

She ever mention to me, she suspect other woman at her ex palce before her and she cannot trust him anymore , i know he maynot be the right guy for him, but I am helpless.

 

I do not want to influence her with my opinion about her ex, as it may be taken negative against me also. But I do miss her alot and really do not know what to do next, as we do talk and sms each other, we cant go through NC, morever she still has alot of stuff at my place.

Any advice?

[glen]

Hi Everyone.......

 

I would like to thank all of you for giving advice.

We are seeing each other, but she wanna be alone for a while. I need some advice, close fren of mine told me women always go for men who do not care for them much and be present at times. I always msg her , tell her I love her alot and wanna be her, and her ex bf doesnt do that I guess and leave her alone, but at her back he sees other women. I feel she knows he may not be the right guy for her, but she still attacted towards him.

I love her sincerly and do not want to loose her, need some advice, I normally SMS her few times a day, do go out with her few times a week. Will she feel more for me, if I dont SMS her often and dont call her ?

What are things I need to do so she feel for me? I know she likes me but still do not want to let her ex go..............Basically what women wants??

 

Thanks for your advice.