Anyone know how to erase memories of ex?

[cryingforever]

Hey all,

 

My boyfriend just broke up with me tonite. And i have been sitting in bed...awake all night, crying...thinking what i did wrong, for him to break up with me. He gave the line "it's me not you. you're just too emotional" I mean i just feel so horrible...i just wish i could forget. Really forget...like go to a hypnotist and forget.

 

I just want to curl up and just forget everything. Does anyone have any suggestions for me to forget it all? To erase my memories of him?

 

thank you

[Heretic]

Been there and done that. The best advice I can give you... seriously the best advice is just talk about it. It helps. With a friend, relative or even here on eNotalone.

 

For some reason the more I talked about it the more I could distance myself from it. I started talking about it less and less each day until it just faded from thought.

 

Feel free to PM me if you need anything. Everyone here will help you get through this.

 

I wish you the best.

[alittleoverlife]

Hey,

 

I am five months into the break up and still I have memories of the relationship. I still wish for it all to go away so I never have to think about it again. But the truth is, you cant really erase memories, only wait until they fade with time. And I stress time, because like you'll see if you read the posts here, time is what heals.

 

Right now it is going to be tough for you, because it just happened, and sitting awake and crying is just part of the healing process. You have to let it all out, and now is that time. In a while, you will have the energy and be able to start living on your own. Just look the posts on how to heal, and start early, because you will be far better off than some of us (myself included) who didn't have the privilege of finding this site in the early stages of the break up. Just be strong, and know we have all been there and are here to support you.

 

Best wishes and be strong...

[thunda]

I concur with what the other guys have said. Also though one thing to do is get busy.This might be your work, hobbies or simply getting out and having fun. Meeting new people is always a good thing. But no matter what you do it will be hard to let completely go for awhile. The best you can do is to ease your feelings of sorrow until -as the others have said- it fades. All the very best.

[Mun]

Oh if only there was a magic Amnesia pill-- I think we'd all want it.

 

I'm sorry you are suffering, break ups are never easy and it always takes time to move on.

 

I think for the time being you should try and focus on yourself and not the things you did to cause the break up. Think about what kind of boyfriend he was, the quality of the relationship and what kind of relationship you want to have in your future. Then start taking good care of yourself, and spend time with your friends and family who will give you support so that you may start healing.

 

The better you treat yourself now, the better a relationship you will have with someone new when the time is right.

 

Hang in there

[ebola316]

I was reading some other posts earlier, and these people are still suffering after a year! If I have to feel like I feel now for another year, I might as well give up, crawl under the cover, and never come out.

 

Before this relationship, I was married twice before, broke up, and got over it. I don't know why this last one is so hard on me.

 

I'm going to the doctor on Saturday and ask him for some Prozac or something, because this thing is getting the better of me. I'm too old for this.

[janeeka]

The pain of the break up is fresh. Unfortunately, you can't just magically forget everything and erase it all. You need time to get over him. Talk to your friends and family, keep yourself busy and don't be afraid to cry. Above all stay positive - time is a great healer and you will get over this.

[sdw]

It's true, you cannot ever forget about your ex, but read on it's not all bad. Some people choose to not contact them at all, this can work for some people but I think for others this doesn't work as you will be tormented by what they are doing and by your memories. My advice for getting over it is this : stay in touch if you can but be a strong and supportive friend to them, mentally accept that the relationship wasn't the best for you, tell them this if you get the chance, it will give you some power back. Do not break down or grovel, when you see then adopt a calm and supportive, encouraging persona. I know it's hard but it has a few benefits 1) It helps you to reframe the person in your mind 2) You are actively changing the nature of your relationship. 3) You can be proud of yourself for the way you act, a step closer to doing what the best person you can think to be would do.

 

I have found my own healing faster since I adpoted this attitude. Hope it helps, and remember it will take time too but it will pass I promise.

 

Steve.

[Dgirllamius]

The pain will pass eventually. I broke up with my ex about...errr.....4 months or so ago now and it doesn't hurt me anymore especially after what he did to me. The thing that still makes me cry is what he did to me. He ran up a £721 phone bill under my name and I am liable for it. Only thing left for me to do is to make him confess and get it recorded on tape or video or something...

 

But yes, the pain will eventually go away and you'll meet someone else and you will totally forget about him. The problem with me that my ex is still in my head but in a seriously bad way. I get the feeling of wanting to crawl up and die but don't give up because it's not worth it.

 

If you ever want to talk to someone, then feel free to message me =)

[ladyc]

This thread made me think of a movie I just saw called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (by the same director as Being John Malkovitch so you are warned A scientist develops a method to do just that - erase memories of failed relationships. Of course this seems very desirable because along with the memories goes the pain, right? Well while Jim Carrey is in the process of having his memories erased, he suddenly realizes he wants to KEEP the good memories because they are so wonderful...so he tries to "hide" them in little corners of his mind! (yes it's strange). I won't tell you the outcome because that would spoil it if you haven't seen it. But ultimately it's about our memories and experiences being a part of who we are.

[Strandysmommy]

Heh, my best friend told me to watch Eternal Sunshine, the very day I got dumped. I couldn't fathom doing it because the Ex had watched it when we were right in the middle of our LDR and he said it made him miss me so much, he couldn't handle watching it ever again without me. OH how ironic.

 

Anyways, ditto to what has been said: Time is the main healer, followed by friends, who can always see outside the rose colored glasses we wore, and things to do. I mean don't overwhelm yourself, don't suppress the hurt. It is good to be able to greive, to release it. For me, it's coming up to 3 months after a 1 year relationship. I am at the "I don't like him, and wish not to speak to him again" stage. (ok, it's the I'm really bitter and I despise the no good....crumbum stage) No contact is reeeeallly hard, but it's the best course of action. Alright, I am done babbling.

[mistake]

wow...honey it will just take time...you'll see.

[cryingforever]

Thank you all for your advice and support. It's really nice that there are wonderful people like you all out there to help. I will pick the movie up soon. Thank you all for being so supportive and wonderful.

[hockeyboy]

give into it. accept they are there..eventually they dont become a bad thing. the more you fight it sometimes the harder it is to deal with it.

[ebola316]

I am also at the " I wish he would drop dead" stage.

[xtine]

This thread made me think of a movie I just saw called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (by the same director as Being John Malkovitch so you are warned A scientist develops a method to do just that - erase memories of failed relationships. Of course this seems very desirable because along with the memories goes the pain, right? Well while Jim Carrey is in the process of having his memories erased, he suddenly realizes he wants to KEEP the good memories because they are so wonderful...so he tries to "hide" them in little corners of his mind! (yes it's strange). I won't tell you the outcome because that would spoil it if you haven't seen it. But ultimately it's about our memories and experiences being a part of who we are.

 

I had to laugh when I read this- I loved this movie, my ex-BF and I watched it together two weeks before he gave me the boot. In those first few weeks I would have done anything to have that procedure!

 

But things really, really do get better with time- no matter how bad things seem, you will move on and get over it. Try to distract yourself as much as you can and don't dwell on the past. I know it's hard, but it's the only way to move on. And take the NC advice, it really works.

 

Good luck.

[PrincessLinzay]

This thread made me think of a movie I just saw called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (by the same director as Being John Malkovitch so you are warned . A scientist develops a method to do just that - erase memories of failed relationships. Of course this seems very desirable because along with the memories goes the pain, right? Well while Jim Carrey is in the process of having his memories erased, he suddenly realizes he wants to KEEP the good memories because they are so wonderful...so he tries to "hide" them in little corners of his mind! (yes it's strange). I won't tell you the outcome because that would spoil it if you haven't seen it. But ultimately it's about our memories and experiences being a part of who we are.

 

I had been JUST about to say this literally! I read it and laughed. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Lol.

[amanda22]

thats what i was going to say! eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! i love that movie. another thing i thought of is an episode of that 70's show. donna and eric break up. eric is so depressed, he wishes that first kiss they had never happened. an angel comes to his room and says, 'are you sure? i can grant you that wish' and eric says, 'yes please!' so there is a flood of wonderful memories about to be erased and he yells 'wait! no, i want them!' moral from these two references is, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. remember with the bad memeories the good memories will go to. this is a natural occurrence of life and whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. just give it time. one day you will be able to smile about the good memories and realize he wasnt that great from all the bad memories. it just takes time, hang in there

[jak34232002]

Hey there, I know it's tough; I'm trying to move on from someone too. I know it's sad, but the sadness will pass. The thing to remember is that the sadness will not stay in you, it will pass through you. And after it passes through you, you will be changed for the good.

It can be really hard, but the 'no contact' works. And yes, get rid of all the old letters, gifts, reminders of that person too. She emailed me a few times afterwards and I found myself reading them over and over again, trying to analyze her words, hoping. After a few days, I was like, "What am I doing?" I deleted them 3 days ago, and I can't tell you how much it helps in beginning the 'moving on' period. All the little stuff that reminds you of him, get rid of it...it will help you so much.

Put your own kind of closure on everything too. If that means calling him one last time or seeing him one last time to say goodbye then do that. For me, I wrote to her and said goodbye, and I did it gracefully. That really helped for me. Now when I look back on this, I know I left with class and sincerity as opposed to going out like a groveling helpless fool. It really helped my self esteem, and it is already making me feel like a better person. And now I know if I ever see her again, I can look at her with confidence as opposed to having to suffer her pity.

As others have said too, get outside and exercise when you can; it helps a lot: the stress and anxiety is aleviated and the fresh air will help clear your mind. It helps to watch your diet too...avoid the junk food and caffine...it makes a big difference.

You need time alone right now and with your good friends and family. Pay close attention to what you are feeling and let the change happen; just let it all happen. It hurts, but you're changing inside and you need to let that change happen to you fully. But most of all, be gentle with yourself, and don't be too quick to draw conclusions and blame yourself for the past. I know it's hard, but if you're patient your grief will move through you and transform you into someone better and you will be ready to move forward.

Good luck, and remember, you're not alone on this one.

[hockeyboy]

i hate to say this but ill do it anyways.

 

when i was trying to get over my ex...i burned all our stuff.

 

i didnt do it out of anger or anything, it more felt like a funeral. i watched it burn and i felt the end of our relationship, it was something i needed. i had one picture of us left and i was going to keep it, it was our favorite picture. but..i threw it in the fire too. after that i moved on.

 

currently im trying to get back with her. you would think i would regret burning those things but i dont. why? because...i want to start over, start from new and leave the past where it is. i want to look at her as someone i just met as i feel like im just meeting her now.

 

ironically...she had given me everything..so i thought everything was destroyed, but it turns out she secretly kept a copy of our favorite picture. so..theres only one picture of us in the world that exists and right now she has it packed away in a box. its going to stay there for a long long time..if not forever. however, i admit, it made me feel good she kept that.