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Friend is acting standoffish all of a sudden... don't understand why.


Kazeke

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One of my online friends has been mostly standoffish with me the past few weeks. We used play an online game together almost every night for hours on end. We'd talk for a while before actually starting a game. I have recently reintroduced a "real life" friend to this game and have been playing it with him to help him level. So when my friend gets on, I'm usually in a game. Even if I branch off from my "real life" friend to play a game with my online friend he says he'll be on later (never returns), logs off, or just starts a game without me. Why is he doing this all of a sudden? He's played a few games with my "real life" friend and even talks to him so I don't think he'd have anything to do with my online friend's behavior? Maybe I've missed something. For what it's worth my "real life" friend said my online asked if we were dating a few days ago which is strange to me. He said no. My "real life" friend is practically a brother to me. I value my online friendships as much as I do those offline. I'm just clueless on how to resolve this tho.

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Well, he's jealous. He either thinks he's sparing himself heart ache by dialing it back...or is trying to make you chase him.

 

I know you didn't ask about this part...but maybe...don't allow your online friends to get as close to you as your "real life" friends. You have NO idea who is on the other end of that computer. Socializing only in this fashion removes a whole lot of your ability to really read a person and understand what they're like.

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This has really gotten you stirred up, it seems! I wonder what it is about this online friendship that pulls you in. You could always just ask your online friend what's up...

 

One of the things that is so complicated about online friends who we've never met is that not actually interacting with them in person allows us to have a whole entire fantasy life about them that can neither be confirmed or denied very easily. This can lead you to imagine all kinds of things about this person that have a lot more to do with your imagination, history, thoughts and feelings and a lot less to do with your online friend!

 

It might be helpful to pay attention to where your worries go when you wonder about this friend and ask yourself (or check in with family and friends, or an awesome therapist) why do you have this worry? Is it getting in the way of developing relationships? Is your fear of being rejected holding you back?

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