Unsure of what to do...

[Serendipity1607307077]

Hi all

 

A couple of months after I started going out with my boyfriend, I asked him to get rid of the porn that he had as I felt very degraded by it.. I didn't see why he would need porn when he had a girlfriend.

 

He deleted it immediately and I was very grateful for that.

 

About a month ago, I was on the computer and I noticed that he had downloaded some more. He kept it hidden from me. I was very angry with him and told him that I was unhappy about it. He deleted it again, said how he doesn't like to hurt me, and I forgave him, thinking that it wouldn't happen again if he loved me.

 

About four days ago I noticed that he had started downloading it again, same as he had before, and keeping it hidden from me. This made me incredibly unhappy, as he told me that he hated to hurt me... and here he was doing it again.

 

I didn't say anything to him, I just walked away and had a cold shower. I began to cry and he came into the shower with me to ask what was wrong. I told him that I didn't want another argument so I continued what I was doing.

 

After about five minutes he admitted to me that he hadn't stopped looking at it, and how sorry he was for hurting me again.

 

I have since forgiven him but I can't help but wonder how many times this is going to happen to me. I don't know how much more I can take. How do I know that I can trust him? He promised me three times already and he has thought me to be stupid and not realise what he has been doing.

 

I just don't know what to do! Any advice?? I love my boyfriend and I don't want to have to call off our engagement because of this.

 

Thanks in advance.

[atigdng]

Pornography is a bad addiction to have, I know of some free internet courses that would help him be free of it if he really wants to stop. But otherwise if he still has a computer and access to pornography then he won't stop, it is just a plain sad fact. It isn't you at all, it is he is addicted.

 

This is the best website for stopping porn... link removed

 

He should take the sexual addiction course, it is all for free too and I think it would help you all.

[ebola316]

Many of my friends say they're boyfriends look at porn on the internet, and it doesn't bother them at all. My ex also looked at it, and it bothered me alot. I asked him to stop too, but he didn't. I didn't break up with him over it, but I didn't like it. If you're not comfortable with him looking at that stuff, tell him to cut it out or take a walk. Or else, after you're married, and its late and you're sleeping, there you will find him again, on the computer, watching his porn.

[DBL]

Alternatively...if you take it away he may just go seek sex instead of just innocently watching it at home. So maybe weigh the options. Let him masterbate at home to video, or have him running around town with some low girls that may have diseases.

 

Maybe find a compromise...tell him you will watch porn with him one day a week, but the other 6 he can't.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[Mun]

Hi there,

If you feel that he is disrespecting you and you absolutely cannot live with the porn then I think you should consider calling off the engagement. You are crying in the shower because of this. It is obviously very important to you.

 

This is your future husband and father of your children yet you cannot accept him with his porn.. that's a red flag for the relationship. No doubt you will continue to have problems because of this. He will probably continue to hide his stash and lie.

 

Maybe he is not the right man for you--or you are not the right woman for him.

 

Someone with the same values and same goals in life would be more appropriate for you.

 

I hope you can make a wise decision, your happiness depends on it.

 

Love

[titan]

Alternatively...if you take it away he may just go seek sex instead of just innocently watching it at home. So maybe weigh the options. Let him masterbate at home to video, or have him running around town with some low girls that may have diseases.

 

Maybe find a compromise...tell him you will watch porn with him one day a week, but the other 6 he can't.

 

Good Luck

DBL

 

mate thats the best advice i have heard

i can't understand why you are so upset about it.

DBL you always have awesome advice.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Alternatively...if you take it away he may just go seek sex instead of just innocently watching it at home. So maybe weigh the options. Let him masterbate at home to video, or have him running around town with some low girls that may have diseases.

 

Maybe find a compromise...tell him you will watch porn with him one day a week, but the other 6 he can't.

 

Good Luck

DBL

 

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't understand why he would do this to me anyway. I give him plenty of sex!

[atigdng]

It is because once you really get addicted to something like that it is really hard to stop.

[ebola316]

Don't put up with it if it bothers you. Like I said, my girlfriends said most men do it, but I don't think they do. If they want to put up with it let them. I just think it show disrespect to me and disrespect to women in general.

[Mun]

He does it because he can and because he wants to. Apparently your feelings on the matter do not deter him one bit. This is what you should really worry about...the fact that he is not considering your feelings at all. That is where he is showing his disrespect and if you marry him then he may show disrespect in other areas of the relationship eventually.

 

How important is this to you? Ask yourself that because we all have different opinions on porn but it is really YOURS that matters here.

 

There are things that can be overlooked, like if he leaves dirty laundry around the room or he makes noise when he eats, but is this one of those things or is this a MAJOR problem for you?