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Am I too pushy? Or is he stubborn?

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. I had bought us tickets for the ucla v. USC game a long time ago, and the game was yesterday. SO I know I could have given someone else the tickets but they were special anf I really wanted to take him, and he wanted to go to (duh). Well anywaywe go and had a fun time. As fun as we could. He only had 2 hrs of sleep the night before, he works the graveyard shift. ANd yesterday he came right afterwork and the game was early so he had no nap. I took his tiredness personally, I felt like he coulda tried to have more fun, but he was irritable and just not really in a good mood. Of course I keep pushing him with questions, which is frustrating for him, he said he was just tired? SO then I get in a bad mood. He then asked me what was wrong adn after saying nothing and nothing, I snapped "YOU are whats wrong" The whole rest of the drive back he didnt talk to me and was just staring out the window. I know I shouldnt have snapped, but I was mad he wasnt trying to have a good time. WHe we got back to my apt he just sat on the couch,didnt want to eat or talk...just watch t.v. I hated the tension and tried make it better by saying sorry and trying to hug him and kiss him and he wkept resisiting. He told me to stop that he didnt want to be touched, but I kept pushing and saying I was sorry we didnt have fun and that I was giving him a hard time. He said he was ready to go home and sleep. But I didnt want him to leave until I made thigns better. SO I pushed more. ANd he said thats why he broke up with me..because I

"dont know when to stop" this was reall y hard for me to accept, but I guess its true and I can "bug" when all he needs is some rest, or even time alone from me to think. I started to cry b/c I was hurt that I can bug and annoy him. He finally, after the whole day, came and hugged and

kissed me and said he was sorry and he was sorry for not budging and beign difficult. I felt fine but confused so was I doing the right thign by kissing him and asking him to feel better, or was he beign stubborn. ALl I know is I hate when we argue because I really "miss him" during that time. Things are distant and cold. As far as us getting back together, he says thats the only reason hes back in my life to take thigns slow. He isnt dating anyone else because bringing someone else in to the picutre wont help "us". Wel thjese are our time s to get better, and we just seem to still argue about silly things. I love him and dont wanna lose him. How can I give him more space when he needs it and be more understanding?

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Well I think that a good thing to do would not plan anymore dates for a time when he won't be able to get rest. He works late anf you went to the game early. It seems like he's just crabby if he doesn't get sleep, which is obvious. I think you were a little too pushy. He should have tried to have fun and it was too bad he didn't and it was fine that you brought it up. However, he was obviously just tired, so I don't think you should have taken it personally and just let it go after bringing it up.


From your post, it seems like he was irritated because of his lack of sleep. Its easier to get annoyed when you are tired. And you were irritated at him for being irritated.


I think that you should plan to hang out during the day. Not in the morning. That way he can get rest and have fun and he won't be in a bad mood.

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I think you were seriously pushy and when it wasn't bad enough, you made it worse by taking it personally, then it turned into a whole emotional event. The guy was tired, right? Was he complaining or was he just doing the best he could?


Unless this happens a lot and you think it means he doesn't care, then you just should have taken this as one of those things (like being sick on Christmas, or whatever)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I hate to stereotype my gender, but here goes...when we are involved with a man on any level other than friendship (well, even when it's friendship), we tend to a) overanalyze everything they do/say, and b) take every little thing personally. NOTE: I AM NOT SAYING ALL OF US ARE LIKE THIS, BUT MANY OF US ARE...it is just a by-product of our nature. We are emotional AND analyticial, and sometimes it gets us in trouble.


The main problem with this is that when we do this, we a) make the man we are involved with think we are self-absorbed, and/or b) wind up alienating him, making him paranoid/angry, and pushing him away.


Usually, the first part is not true...we analyze everything for just the opposite reason...because we want everything to work and we want him to be happy...but he doesn't realize that because many men don't think with the same approach. thereforeeee, the second part happens, because the man sees it usually as an attack.


It took me a long time (and a million mistakes) to realize that sometimes it is not at all about me or something I've done, and that sometimes he is just ticked off about something else, or tired, or whatever...and if he is in a bad mood, he's in a bad mood...end of story. He'll get over it. Usually, if I stop and listen, and read his signals, he'll let me know if it's a problem with me; then I can deal with it. Also, if it's something I can help him with, he'll let me know that too...and we can talk about it.

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