Should we be hurt first before healing

[ryan14]

hi to you all

 

i've been following many threads here and i observed that many of the successful healed person around here have undergone a very painful period, let's just say the worse part is 5 months of begging, pleading, being the doormat for the most part of the post breakup, so that we could hurt and hurt until we dont feel the hurt anymore, what do you guys think?

 

just a crazy opinion? what do u guys think? please be brutally honest? i'm really looking forward for all your replies

[mahlina]

I agree with you Ryan. Sometimes, it's almost as if we need that reassurance. We need to know that this is 'final', the end, the point of no return. We find ways of justifying our feelings, and making sure that we didn't just 'give up.' I am proud to say that I am completely healed by now. I'll think of my ex every so often, but my feelings for him whithered away. I am SO GLAD to be single WITHOUT him! I get to meet more people. Hanging out with my girlfriends more often, also allows me to meet and mingle with new faces. It's a great feeling when you know that you're still young & single, and you don't need to live in heartache. It's like a breath of fresh air. What a relief! Then I look back and think, "What did I see in that guy?"

 

Ryan, I hope that you'll heal as well. From my experience, no matter what, there is no short cut. It's all a matter of time. But, once you make it through the rough times, you will be able to feel 'alive' again. You'll feel rejounvated even more! Hang in there!-Mahlina

 

P.S.- It helps to stay positive. Stay motivated. Everything's all mental. Believe that you will make it, and you will. It's all a matter of changing our pattern of thinking. Instead of focusing on the pain, tell yourself that being single isn't that bad. Think of it as your time to be autonomous, a time for self-discovery & personal growth.

[ryan14]

thank you edudlooc13 and mahlina

 

you give me hope that even if i am hurting right now it will soon pass, but do you think when our exes feels this hurt, would they also forget us and never feel for us again, sorry if i make things complicated again.

 

some more opinions here would really be nice? anyone?

[ebola316]

I am angry at myself for letting any human being have enough power over me to make me feel like this. I am feeling and acting like a psycho loser since he left. I have always been a strong person, and have prided myself in being able to overcome very diffcult situations. So wallowing, and feeling sorry for myself, gets me mad at myself.

[ryan14]

hi ebola316

 

dont get mad to your self its normal to feel and act that way, i know i'm not healed yet but i must say i've been in your situation before, just acknowledge everything in your head, thinking about him, you can't eat, sleep, and function well, just dont fight it, these things are new to you, get yourself busy, go back to your family if you're alone in there or stay with a friend.