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Loss of Focus and motivation/purpose

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Hi Guys


First time posting, but i've been lurking since a few days after the breakup. Please excuse the grammar(2nd language)


Short history: 4.5 years together, 2.5 LD. The last month the ex moved back, thus no more LD. Shes back for a month then I get "i have to find myself", "too much pressure" and "we too young to be in a serious relationship". I got a few other lines. Never really got a reason for the breakup.


I was pretty much blindsided. Didnt see it coming at all. We had a few issues that needed sorting out, simple stuff tho.


From the breakup upto NC was about 5 days where I did the begging,crying and pitching up at her house. Since then I havent heard a peep. Found out along the grapevine shes gone abroad for a year, quit her studies(she would have graduated 2014) and only told her family about 3 days before leaving**. She left about 3 weeks after ditching me.I was pretty shocked, I backed off after those 5 days thinking she just needed some time too sort herself out. But it crushed about 90% of my hope for a recon. (**this girl has a mountain of study debt, she has just sort of left it for her parents to pay or something)


Now...3 months since BU. I stared my postgrad studies this year, finished up my exams about a week back. Needless to say it didnt go well and i will most likely have to do it all over again(for this program, if you fail one module you have to repeat them all).


These last few months have been such a blur, it feels like an year ago that she left me. Ive lost all my motivation and drive. I feel like i have no purpose. Ive tried forcing myself to study but i just end up getting nothing done. I know how important my studies are, if I pass this 2 year course i will be pretty set up and I will have no problem with finding a job or with finances. But I just cant get myself to care. The stress and pressure for passing just makes it worse instead of increasing my drive to study more.


Thinking back ive always struggled to focus and stay motivated in my studies, but this breakup has destroyed the little bit i had. I know recovery takes time, but if i dont recover and even improve my level of motivation and my ability to focus I will be ruined!


I used to cycle alot, ride events etc. But just thinking of going out for a ride is depressing for me. I didnt go to the gym much before the breakup, but suddenly I dont mind going everyday. I just dont seem to care about things that used to be important.


Has anyone else experienced this? How do you regain your drive in life? Do normal activities stop seeming depressing?


What bugging me is that I cant seem to remember what my normal mood used to be like. Ive know my drive and motivation has declined these last 2 years.

Im just afraid that its gone forever. Can i change myself to regain this? How?


Thanks for reading all my garbage!

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i'm going through the same phase of life. I can understand all your feelings.


mate.. I'm speechless.. all i can say is your are not alone.. people like me are going through same sorrows.


dont loose hope! Sun will definitely shine one day for us.

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Hey Liquidated


Having read your post, I can very much relate to the situation that you are in. Some ten or os years ago, I experienced a rather bad and lengthy back-and-forth break up with my then GF shortly before graduating from university. Certainly, it is not easy to concentrate on your studies when your emotions are running wild. However, I found it got better over time. I healed from my breakup and actually was able to put more (or better: all) of my energy into graduating instead of being "distracted" by my then already dragging relationship.


That said, when you write it feels like a year ago that she left you, it sounds as if the break up is not really the (sole) source or reason for your loss of motivation. The symptoms that you describe (depression, loss of motivation and purpose) may also be indicators of a stress-induced burn-out caused by general stress and tiredness...


No matter what the reason, you certainly are not alone. Just keep your head up and try to find your own way back into the life that you want to lead... We are all here to stand by your side.

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hi there, So sorry you feel like this. Everybody says it but time is a healer. I will say this, that one of the most attractive things about a man is his strength of nature. I am not saying you can get her back but I am saying if you really want to show her what a great guy you are and what she's missing then knuckle down and try your damdest fella.


Do something different maybe - Join a club or a new sport once a week to try and get those endorphines flowing. I have been down your road and have thought my world had come to an end. Grieving for somebody is a process. You will have good days and bad days. Try and accept them, work through them. You can do it. You will feel better.

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