Kitty Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 You can find my story easy enough but basically it's been 6 weeks coming, last week final. I've got a male pal who got back in touch, he's very needy and needs a gf, he thinks this fixes everything. For the first day he was great and texting me to see how I was but then moaning about how unhappy he was and 'sure I was the same..' We don't or will ever have any romance ever! But he wants me to join his pity party. I had a couple of good days this week and he crashed them down with his negativity and dwelling on what he (and 'obviously') me have lost. An old friend called and then moaned for a couple of hours about her dating woes and lost loves. A couple 'we' knew texted for the gory details - I told them to ask him. My only friend here (his town) hasn't bothered calling or messaging. I'm fed up! I want to move on and keep getting 1) made to feel worse, or, 2) counseling everyone else to make them feel better. Even though there are lovely people here and some of the advice is brilliant, I'm scared of reading things where people still hang on for years and years. I did/do love him. He was my soulmate. We even looked alike! But I know he doesn't want me so I have to let go and move on emotionally. Sorry for the rant! Just finished a 10 hour shift, got in at 10pm and have to make everyone else feel better!!!!! Link to comment
Hangin Thread Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Rant all you want- no problem. Breakups are awful and I get sometimes people are looking to keep talking and looking to commiserate - Im here arent I ? I ues let your friends know your wound is fresh and you dont really want to talk about it - people deal in their own ways. I have some friends I can talk to about it but most dont want to hear it so I try to keep it to myself.... I just want to be past it as well. Forget the years thing,,, lets make it a few good days - then a few good weeks. Then onward Link to comment
SydneyGirl Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 It's true, everyone deals in different ways.. some people need to have a good long cry and 6 month pity party and tell every one they know how they feel... others (me included) find it best not to dwell on things and throw myself into different activities and distract myself with.positive thoughts and anything I can think of. When I went through my big break up a few years ago I couldn't be around people who were down or heartbroken because misery loves company! I couldn't even listen to Adele and Mariah Carey and I watched the Wizard of Oz more times then I care to admit. You know what feels better for you at this time and your friends should understand and be supportive. It's hard if your friend is also going through a break up but maybe he could use some positive distractions too? My golden rule was never wearing my break up into the world! I found for me personally it helped if I got up every day and did my hair and make up and made an effort to make myself look like a happy girl! I put a big smile on my face every day and before I knew it I didn't have to fake it anymore. I also found changing things up helped. I stayed in "our" unit for a time but moved all the furniture around so it didn't look like his house. I bought a bunch of new cds and updated my ipod so I wouldn't accidentally hear "our" song and I got a new hairdo and tried new make up styles so I no longer looked like his girlfriend. Fake it till you make it hun! It's such a hard time... I hope things get better for you soon Link to comment
Hangin Thread Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 You make a good point Sydney Girl - when Im particularly low I try to force the smile hoping it sticks I definitely do better when distracted but it always comes in waves. Although Ive bored a few friends to death too Link to comment
SydneyGirl Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Hahaha, haven't we all! Link to comment
Kitty Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 Sydney girl! That's exactly it. When he moved out I moved anything that reminded me of 'us', I watches programmes I'd never seen and my iPod hasn't been switched on yet - I uploaded a ton of stuff he'd hate so I can hear music again when im ready. I even bought new bedding and towels...all in pink... My male friend is always miserable Inbetween relationships, He falls in love every few months then gets dumped so he mopes and dwells and dissects every little thing. I did tell him last night that he was bringing me down as he dwells too much. He took it well and agreed. My oldest bestest friend called when it happened, said how sorry she was, asked if I was ok and then told me to put makeup on and look fabulous at all times Which I do Link to comment
SydneyGirl Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 You're totally on the right track Kitty!! At first it seems forced but every day you will feel a little stronger and a little better! I'm so glad your friend was understanding... I think we all have a friend like that. And you have to admit that everything is a little bit easier when you look amazing! Link to comment
bwhite00 Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 yah I gotta watch the inevitable comparisons myself... just change the subject or say goodbye if someone is bugging you or bringing you down lol. Laughter is the best medicine. Link to comment
Kitty Posted October 27, 2013 Author Share Posted October 27, 2013 My friend sent umpteen texts today along the lines of 'it's awful for us, you must be so upset, we'll never be happy, blah blah' I told him I wasn't joining his pity party any more! He apologised Link to comment
SydneyGirl Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Oh nooooo!! He's gotta pull himself out of that funk!! If you put negative expectations out to the universe it will fulfill them!! You can't tempt fate... expect unhappiness and you'll get it! He's lucky to have a mate like you! Link to comment
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