Is it my fault that my girlfriend is unfaithful?

[BlueEyedBoy]

Please help. My relationship is in such a huge mess right now, nothing like this has ever happened to me before. My feelings are numb I'm really confused and I've no idea what to do.

 

I'll try to cut a long story short as much as I can.

 

I met her on a night out in January this year, she was 20 and i was 24. She had long dark hair and a really sweet smile, I was instantly drawn to her. When I met her she was living in her ex boyfriends house, they had been broken up a while but he said she could stay there while she was looking for somewhere else to live. She had gone into care when she was 13 and moved in with her ex when she was 16, resultantly having nowhere else to go.

When she met me, her ex said that it was inappropriate that she carry on living with him so I moved her and all her things in to my house. My parents were mortified, they couldn't understand why I would take someone in off the street. I reassured them that she was going places and just needed time to get on her feet.

It wasnt long before holes appeared in her personality. She got a job but quit after a few weeks. I felt annoyed that she took me and all my support for granted. I did everything for her and never complained because im highly tolerent.

In June I had to move about 150 miles because i got a new job, by then I'd had enough of her lazyness and told her she had to find her own place and she could come and live with me when she was more responsible. I didn't give her reasonable notice and ended up taking her with me.

About 2 months after we moved, still lazy and unemployed, the inevitable happened. I sent her to go stay with my parents while she found somewhere to live. 2 days later she moved into a friends house. that lasted 3 weeks then she ended up having to register as homeless, she was put in a b&b and has been there ever since.

I go and see her every few weeks to see how shes getting on. Ive always told her as soon as she starts wearing a responsible adult hat she can move back in with me. I feel sad about her being on her own and ive given loads of encouragement but she still wont get motivated.

Everything went horribly wrong 3 weeks ago when i went to see her, I phoned and txt but couldnt get hold of her so went to see her foster sister to try and find her. I found out that she had been seeing someone else for 2 weeks!! Her sister told me that this wasn't the only time she had been unfaithfull apparently she slept with someone else months ago!!

The next day I got hold of her and arranged to meet. I confronted her, she admitted that she had been seeing someone else and sleeping with him but denied sleeping with another guy aswell.

I feel like I'm to blame for what happened, I had good reasons for telling her she had to leave my house, but did she understand them, did she realize that i did want her to come back when she was ready. Maybe she did what she did because i didnt show enough affection

yesterday she sent a txt to me by mistake it was meant for her friend, It basically said she was late for her period and she was worried she may be pregnant.

I phoned her and had a huge argument with her, asking if and when she was planning on telling me about it, she said she was scared. the idea of being pregnant came as a shock to me because weve taken reasonable caution, when I asked her what she thought about that she had to admit that she hadn't been as careful as she could have been and it was likely that if shes pregnant, its not mine. She also admitted to sleeping with the other guy her sister had told me about.

When I asked her why she did these things, she sais its because she was annoyed with me.

She knows that I love her and she sais shes sorry for what has happened. now that she realizes what she means to me she regrets everything that shes done and she doesnt want to loose me.

 

I dont want to be too hasty and finish with her just because im angry. To be honest my feellings are still very numb right now. no one has ever treated me this badly before I think its still sinking in.

 

What im mainly worried about is the fact shes told me so many lies I just dont know if i can ever trust her again.

[Cecelius]

You cannot rationally think this is your fault. She clearly has problems (honestly, most young girls cheat or put themselves into situations where they are lucky they did not cheat -- this girl has that AND a whole lot more).

 

Get her out of your life as a liability. At best I would keep her around as a pal, etc., maybe you can help her but your soft emotions are completely wasted on this one.

[pinkbiologist]

She sleeps with other people, is unemployed, mooches off you, finally lives with your PARENTS while you are attempting to move on with life, now you don't live together, she's with someone new and still homeless and unemployed? Chalk it up to insanity on your part for ever even getting involved with her, cut off all contact, write it up as a learning experience and promise yourself to NEVER. EVER. EVER. get involved with someone who is: a. living with an ex. b. is unemployed. or c. crazy. Take it from someone who's been there. People don't change.

 

Best of luck.

[marijo2480]

Pinkbiologist and Cecelius could not have said it any better. My God, the red flags were everywhere with this girl. You have done your part and have helped her more than what anyone could've ever asked for. Keep in touch with her as a friend but nothing else. She might be pregnant, and the child isn't yours. Can you imagine having to go through even more drama with now a child present? Oh no! Run faster than I don't know what. Learn your lesson and next time, select a better, more responsible, more stable and less dramatic partner. Oh, and I don't think it's love that you feel for her. I think it's more pity and that's not love! You felt that she needed you and as a wonderful human being, you helped her tremendously. Leave it at that.

 

Take care.

 

Marie

[PrincessLinzay]

Some people just have it in their nature to try to "save" people. Whether or not they want to be saved. Im one of those people also, not just with relationships, with friends and everything. I believe you to be one of those people as well.

 

It sounds like you're very level-headed and stable. People with problems are very attracted to that. I understand that you're not ready to give up yet, but I would sincerely recommend at least trying. This girl is not healthy and needs to work on herself before you should even consider giving it a shot.