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Girlfriend that doesn't know what she want

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Here's my story:


I have been single for the past six years and have been seen girls on occasion (mutual understanding no commitment) just to fill the gap. The reason that I am single is because I am waiting for the right girl and at the same time I am a very busy person running my own business.


I met a super sweet girl in October and I like to get to know her more after she send me a email reply in November, 2004. We went out for coffee twice and we seem to hit it off really well. Not to say the least, I really like this girl (she runs her own business as well) and for the past 6 years, no girls ever came close.


So on my birthday, 2nd week of November she pursued me vigoriously to go out with her as a couple...I hesitated because I want to get to know her better, but I gave in and give it a shot. I was afraid that I will be emotionally attached and screw up if things did not go well.



1, First week of dating her, she still goes on speed dating (once only), see the guy that liked her but she doesn't like her...goes to another guy's house (She claims only friendship but he also used to like her) for dinner that he cooks for her and also spend times with her recent ex that they broke up in May 2004 - dinners and etc.


2, End of first week, I confronted her about her guy friends late at night on the phone and she suddenly flip and called me a sensitve guy and don't be such a girl! (She was yelling at me!) I got so pissed off, I wrote a pro and con list about her told her the next day and we almost broke up but didn't.


3, Week 2, I was at her condo and spending time with her didn't want to go home yet she told me I should go home because she doesn't want me to drive home late but I was having fun talking to her and cuddling with her I told her that I will leave when I am ready. Playing and cuddling with her about not leaving yet, and all of a sudden she fliped out and yell "This is why I need my space, that's why I can't live with family members!!!!" Wow, I just left. (Confused!)


4, end of 2nd week, she went on a date again with this same guy that she knows for 10 years, but apparently he likes her alot. I confronted her and she said she can't do this anymore and that she wants out. After we broke up she calls me back and said she misses me so that screwed me up. I still have very strong feelings for this girl. I thought she was the one and that it could lead to true love and that she could be the love of my life. So, I call her next morning and she said she wants to make it work between us. So, I went to her condo that night, cuddling and talking, I accidentally saw her shirt above her stomach I pointed at her stomach and said tummy in a cute way... guess what, she blew up and said you call me fat! She said it's a mistake for trying and that I have to leave right now. I was in shock for 2 mins and then I realized that wait the minute, what just happened? So I yell back "If you keep this up you will be alone for the rest of your life!) So I was about to leave and she began to apologized like crazy and ask me to stay. After an hour of her persuading me to forgive her, I finally give in.


3rd week, she said she wants to be a good girlfriend and she will try not to go out with the guy friends too much or alone with them. It was so beautilful, everything seems to look so good. I thought wow, if this last a life time, it would be better than anything I could of experienced. This week, she went out again to the guy who used to like her and he cooked steak dinner for her (She said he wanted her to check out his new hardwood floor and that she hasn't seen him in a week). I dropped her off and pick her up after she was done. I felt uncomfortable but it wasn't a big deal at that time. The very next day, she hesitated to tell me that she was going to yoga with her ex boyfriend because she said she doesn't want me to feel bad. I talk to her for 3 hours on this issue that she doesn't give me any respect and she said that she thought she can changed, but she finally admits that she will always be like that going out with her guy friends because they were part of her life before me and that she can't have female friends. She told me that I did not trust her and she can't go out with a guy that doesn't trust her. (huh?)


So, I was really cold towards her last night and was resenting her for all her actions. So, this morning the more I think about the guy (that used to like her) cooking steak for her alone in his condo pisses me off. I think that a guy cooking dinner for a girl or vise versa is a very personal thing. She called me and was very sweet and etc. but I just told her that if we can't solve this problem now how can we solve future bigger problems. So I ended it and she said that she was dissappointed and that she respect my decision.


So stupid man, she respects my decision about breaking up with her but did not respect my feelings about her guy friends.


I though I found the one, but hey, [Profanity Removed by Moderator] happens and it happened to me after I waited six years to fall for a girl who plays games and dosen't know what she wants. GRRRRrrrrrrrr!


Ps. I am not a jealous man. Guys hugged her and etc don't bother me, but I value respect highly.


Here's what she giving up about me:

I am considerated, gentleman like, friendly, easy going, huge heart, good head on the shoulder, sensitive, generous, loving, able to give unconditional love, committed, honest, real, ambitious, strong, doesn't play head games, well dressed, floss twice a day, shower everyday, problem solver, handle crisses well, caring, and not to mention I am good looking!


Can you tell I am pissed! LoL


Heart broken!


Thought I found love, but it was only BS!

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Don't be angry, I know it's hard but you'll just burn yourself out over it. Yes she is indecisive and yes you sound like a great guy. Sorry to say but she has 'issues'. Trust me this is not an off hand remark. You may say I don't know this girl but trust me I don't have to, to know what her actions are saying.


There is nothing wrong with girls having guy friends and from what you have said you have been pretty good with the situation. The way you describe things it sounds like she is the one who has issues over these guy friends. She seems to have some kind of guilt complex which in turn seems to make you paranoid.


She flips like a switch and that is a red flag. I don't know if you know her full history but I'd bet there is something in her past that may explain this.


I'm afraid there is no easy solution.


On another note you describe yourself as:

I am considerated, gentleman like, friendly, easy going, huge heart, good head on the shoulder, sensitive, generous, loving, able to give unconditional love, committed, honest, real, ambitious, strong, doesn't play head games, well dressed, floss twice a day, shower everyday, problem solver, handle crisses well, caring, and not to mention I am good looking!


Although these are admirable traits etc, they don't count for much in the dating game. In a marriage they are perfect.


What I am trying to say and you are probably already aware of this is you are not the problem, she is.


My two cents are you should walk. I know you think she is great and all but the fact that you are a 'model guy' means she will walk all over you. If you were a jerk she wouldn't cause she would know she couldn't get away with it.


Take pride in who you are and don't settle for second best. Like you say she is the one who has lost out.


If you think I have overstepped the mark feel free to say so, but I call it as I see it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Breakup Veteran,


You were right on the money. Oh well, we broke up now for 3 days now since Dec 10, 2004. On the weekend I was pretty hung up on her but today, I have finally figured it all out. My feelings were blinding me from seeing the problems on her side. I am good now and she still calls me daily but I don't talk to her in a personal way anymore. It's all about professional stuff. I am a strong person before I met her...She got me weak during the one month we had together, but now I am stronger then ever. Peace...Happily Out of a Confused Relationship!

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